So Much For That!

It seems like only yesterday that "Herb" Cain was refusing to talk about sexual harassment. "We are getting back on message," he insisted. "End of story. Back on message."

Except in just a few minutes, he's holding a press conference to talk about it.

UPDATE: We cats are sensing a pattern here. Cain apparently isn't holding his presser at 3 PM after all. It's at 5.

UPDATE #2: We cats think that "Herb" really needs to get his story straight. Is it one of his fellow Republican Presidential campaigns who's spreading these nasty rumors, or the Democrats? (Frankly, we can't imagine why a Democratic operation would choose to intervene when "Herb" is effectively self-destructing, but never mind.) We would simply remind "Herb" that the word "Democrat" is a noun, and not an adjective. Therefore, the term "Democrat machine" is incorrect.

UPDATE #3: For all you Freepers and other right wingers who have jumped on Gloria Allred, we cats just say, "Lin Wood — Gary Condit." 'Nuff said.

UPDATE #4: Cain's press conference was bizarre. He is a ridiculous figure.

Postscript: The One Thing They Haven't Tried to Pin On Obama (Yet)

By Miss Kubelik

At the end of her press conference today, "Herb" Cain accuser Sharon Bialek asked the 2012 Republican clown college frontrunner to come clean on sexually assaulting her in 1997. She also said this:

"We need a leader who can set an example which exemplifies the standards of a good person and moral character."

We cats don't know about that "examples exemplifying" stuff (hello, Grammar Police!). But for a good person with moral character, we suggest that Ms. Bialek need look no further than the current occupant of the Oval Office.

"Herb" Cain: The Only Guy Having a Worse Day Than Dr. Conrad Murray

By Sniffles

What was The New York Times's Nate Silver just saying — that it's not crazy or impossible for another candidate to join the 2012 Republican clown college, even at this late date?

We cats fully expect that chatter to begin anew, as a fourth woman has not only alleged eewy behavior on the part of "Herb" Cain but — unbound by any legal settlements or payouts — has just held a press conference and provided all the disgusting details. Ugh.

Should that 2012 chatter gear up again (and in some respects it already has), it will represent many Republican dilemmas:

• Fear of Ron Paul and his whackjobs;
• Fear that Newt Gingrich has somehow managed to survive his disastrous launch;
• Grief that Jon Huntsman is going nowhere;
• Relief that the same is true of Rick "Don't Google His Name" Santorum;
• Disgust at the disaster that is pain-pill-addicted Rick Perry;
• Equal disgust at the folly that is Herb Cain;
• The knowledge that the famous quitter from Alaska and her doppelganger from Minnesota are both unelectable;
• But, most important, the ongoing distrust and contempt for the prospect of Mitt Romney taking the Republican nomination, sticking it in a dog crate and driving away to Canada with it.

(IMAGE: Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press)

The Lesson Andy Rooney Didn't Learn

By Zamboni

Andy Rooney's obituary in The New York Times has made us think of how we felt when Charlton Heston died.

Honest, there's a connection, so please bear with us.

You may recall that National Rifle Association president Heston gave a despicable but revealing interview to Michael Moore in "Bowling for Columbine" — basically saying that America had to arm itself because of all the blacks.

We cats wondered then — as we wonder now — how Heston ended up saying that when, back in the day, he marched for civil rights with Martin Luther King.

We hadn't expected a similar mood to strike us when we approached Rooney's obit. We remembered on our own that he'd made unseemly remarks about gay people ("Many of the ills which kill us are self-induced...[like] homosexual unions"), women, and Hispanics (“I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today’s baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me"). So when we heard he'd died, we weren't exactly broken up.

But then we read that as an Army sergeant and reporter for The Stars & Stripes, he covered the U.S. liberation of Buchenwald.

So. How do you go from being one of the first guys to march into a Nazi death camp — and then later hurl slurs at people solely on the basis of who they are?

Perhaps we should add a sidebar to this blog: "Human Beings We Don't Miss."

(PHOTO: U.S. Army soldiers liberate the Buchenwald concentration camp near Weimar, Germany, April 1945. From the Mayor Robert F. Wagner Collection of the LaGuardia & Wagner Libraries.)

"Herb" Cain: You Lie (You Lay)

By Baxter

We cats are tired of being curmudgeons, but the state of today's journalism is forcing us into it.

Just days ago we had to write the ombudsman at The Washington Post, complaining that the Republican pejorative "Democrat party" appeared in a news story. Mr. Ombudsman wrote us back, apologizing that the term had been "creeping into WaPo copy of late."

Alarming. We cats say: Don't talk about it "creeping." Just fix it.

Today, we once again had to contact the Post about a grammatical error. Although not as sinister as using "Democrat" as an adjective, this one just drives us wild. Reporters on a "Herb" Cain story used "laid" as a past tense for the verb "to lie."

(Yes, we know that several jokes about Herb Cain lying are spinning around in your head right now. But the sentence in question referred to Mr. Cain reclining to sunbathe — not to telling an untruth, which he evidently often does.)

You know why the Post should care about proper grammar? Well, aside from the obvious — that one should speak and write English well — there's an economic argument. It's the older consumer who cares about good grammar; coincidentally, it's people in that older demographic who are still buying newspapers and magazines. Which means a greater proportion of the Post's readers likely still value good writing — even if the reporters are now all 25 years old (and most of their editors are 30).

As for Herb Cain lying, there's some new news on that.

UPDATE: November 5: We're happy to report that POLITICO, which has sinned with "lie/lay" in the past, got it right today. Congratulations!

The Blackboard Jingle

 

One of the great things about marriage equality is that it inspires awfully clever signs, posters and — in this instance — blackboards. Quick! Where is this store, so we can buy something there?

Jobs Decline, A Mari Usque ad Mare*

By Miss Kubelik

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper talks a lot about creating jobs, but he doesn't do anything about it — living proof that he's a Republican at heart.

Example: In Washington, as "The Daily Show" has so brilliantly observed, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives excoriates President Obama's alleged failures on the economy. But instead of taking action themselves, they spend time on goofy bills — like the one declaring "In God We Trust" our national motto. (Meanwhile, their colleagues in the Senate block another part of the Obama jobs bill.) In short, the GOP's money is not where its mouth is.

And Harper? He's been greeted at the G20 summit with some bad news from the home front: a Statistics Canada report that Canadian unemployment jumped to 7.3 percent in October, wiping out all job gains made in the previous month.

Harper says he is "disappointed." But is he going to leap into action, perhaps send some new stimulus legislation to Parliament? Gosh, no.

Well, at least they're not wasting time on Canada's motto. Are they?

*"From sea to sea"

(PHOTO: Reuters)

The Best Freeper Post, Ever

By Sniffles

We confess: When we cats get lazy — when it's chilly out, and the space heater is going, and we've just scarfed an entire plate of Friskies Sea Captain's Choice — we visit the comment threads at Free Republic for some easy entertainment.

So, okay, we plead totally guilty to that. But we really, truly had to see how the Freepers were reacting to the news that a third woman at the National Restaurant Association has alleged inappropriate behavior by teabagger Presidential favorite "Herb" Cain.

This interested us for several reasons. First, because the right wing is just totally, utterly aghast at President Bill Clinton's behavior, forever and ever, amen. No way, they aver, would any of the guys on their side of the aisle so debase themselves! Yet now that "Herb" has been proven to have sexual feet of clay, we're highly amused by their bending and scraping to absolve him.

But the other reason we're intrigued is that "Herb's" candidacy is only a story because the famous quitter from Alaska, um, quit. Quit, that is, the 2012 race. We instantly saw the Freepers turn on a dime — okay, a regretful dime, but nevertheless a dime — from Palin to Cain. Therefore, we were completely unsurprised (and pleased) when this Godfather's Pizza parvenu rocketed to the top of the nutty Republican primary polls.

Therefore, dear readers, without further ado, let us share with you this FANTASTIC post from a Freeper named "Pravious" on the latest Cain conundrum. Cue drum roll, please!

"This makes me sick. Just another reason I hate that Palin decided not to run... they’d already thrown everything in the book at her, and nothing stuck (in spite of their childish insistence to the contrary). This crap might stick.

"So... what’s going to happen? Do we need to see each of our candidates destroyed one-by-one... if not by our other candidates, than by a bunch of scum-sucking leftist slime, aided and abetted by the mainstream media? So we’re gonna wake up one day and find no one left standing except the candidate the powers-that-be demand be on our ticket (and you all know who THAT is). Can’t we just wipe the friggin’ slate clean and find ANOTHER half dozen people? Kind of like kicking nitwits off of a jury, and choosing another? NONE of these people are really acceptable. NONE OF THEM. >:-("

Oh, Pravious, we Democratic cats heart you. Our only regret is that you haven't bothered to create an "About" page.

Mr. Multiple Exclamation Points

By Zamboni

Sigh. We cats guess we have to say something about Free Republic banning Romney supporters from its site.

Not that we're surprised by any of it, or even care — but goodness gracious, the Freepers have given us so much entertainment that it would be rude to ignore their moment in the sun.

So, we checked. The FR comment thread on POLITICO's original news story was 450 and growing. That's pretty respectable, although when the famous quitter from Alaska, um, quit the 2012 race, the thread was much bigger — in fact, the biggest we've ever seen. More than 1,500 rendings of teabagger garments and gnashings of conservative teeth. (Hint: This is where all that subsequent support for "Herb" Cain came from.)

But, we digress. The thread on the Romney ban is, by and large, predictable. Lots of remarks along the lines of, "And this is a problem because....?" A few, but not many, protestations about being labeled anti-Mormon. (Because of course they are.) But the most amusing post was by the site's creator, Jim Robinson.

We've always suspected that Mr. Robinson is a bit unhinged. He tends toward excitability. If you needed more confirmation of that, here's his contribution to today's anti-Romney comment thread:

"'In an e-mail to POLITICO this afternoon, Robinson admitted that the site routinely blocks Romney supporters from posting — and offered no apologies for the practice.' Admitted it? Hell, I've been blasting it for years!! It's been on our home page in one form or another forever. And on our main page for the last couple years...I'm sorry, but those who cannot live with our pro-life, pro-family, pro-gun, pro-limited government positions are more than welcome to vote with their happy feet. NO RINOS!! NO ROMNEY!! NOT ON MY WATCH!! Long live the TEA party rebellion!! Long live our FREE Republic!"

Ah, Republican nuttiness and infighting. Since Mitt Romney still appears to be on track for the Republican nomination, we cats PURR.

But... It Was Just a "Light-Hearted Attempt to Inject Satire Humor Into the Halloween Holiday"!

By Baxter

If we cats could drive, we'd head over to the Loudon County, Virginia, Republican headquarters and dump our dirty litter boxes on their desks.

They deserve it — but we have the feeling that they're already getting smacked around by their Republican Governor, who's been forced to denounce a fundraising e-mail that the county party sent yesterday with this image. Yep, that's a bullet hole in President Obama's zombie head.

After his big, embarrassing 2010 goof-up over slavery, Bob McDonnell — who no doubt is dreaming of joining his party's national ticket next year — wants no further accusations of insensitivity hurled his way. He was quick to call the Loudon e-mail "shameful and offensive."

It certainly is. However, so is the Loudon GOP's response. It issued another one of those lame "gee, we're sorry if we did anything wrong" non-apology apologies: "We deeply and sincerely apologize to the President and anyone who viewed the image if that was the impression that was left" (emphasis ours).

They just can't help themselves, can they?

Yes, we know the Freepers and their compatriots will squawk and protest that the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived got caricatured and worse by people who didn't like him. The difference is, when we cats say that somebody ought to be shot, we're truly speaking metaphorically because we don't own any guns. The nutcases on the right wing do.