And He Used To Be a Democrat, Too!

By Zamboni

It's amazing how politicians can grow a pair of balls out of office. Especially when they're Republican.

Former Utah Senator Bob Bennett, tossed out by teabaggers in his primary last year, has some harsh words of reality for his ultra-right critics. We cats quote him, in part because we love fomenting discord in the Republican Party, and in part because we are heartily sick of all the Reagan nostalgia — most of which is made up, by the way.

"[P]eople talk about Ronald Reagan, but I remember Ronald Reagan very well," former Senator Bennett said. "Ronald Reagan would probably not recognize the description of Ronald Reagan that is coming out of a lot of the tea party blogs. Ronald Reagan — yes, he was very conservative, yes, he was a man of principles, and he wouldn’t budge on those principles. But he said something that would be absolutely anathema to many of the tea party people when he said it’s better to get 80 percent of what you want than zero. And Reagan would compromise, Reagan would make deals."

P.S. He also raised taxes. But in our view, he'll burn in hell forever for taking those solar panels off the White House.

Hypocrisy Gets You Nowhere

By Baxter

Wow, who'd have thought it? The National Journal has ranked sitting Senators by their ideologies, and John McCain is one of the two most conservative of them all. He's as conservative as Jim DeMint (gasp!).

At first, we cats found this difficult to believe — but then we reminded ourselves how much the defeated Republican Presidential candidate has gone off the deep end since 2008. (On the other hand, one could argue that anyone who'd make the idiotic statement "We are all Georgians now" had already gone off the deep end.)

But hold everything, John. Before you receive this dubious honor and make an Oscar-worthy acceptance speech, we have a couple of pointers that you, as a former "maverick" and darling of the left-wing press, should consider.

In the annals of conservatism, if Barry Goldwater's picture is found under "principled," your mug appears under "craven."

And Jim DeMint should be ashamed that he's allowed his right-wing bona fides to sink so low as to tie with yours.

But here's the worst news of all, John. Your fungibility has bought you no points with the Republican Party's nutty base. Here are just a few choice reactions from our friends over at Free Republic:

"Oh boy... Are the liberals trying prop him up, perhaps for another try at the Presidency?"

"Here they go. Trying to pick our candidate for us again."

"McCain is a liberal open borders POS."

"John McCain being the most COMMUNIST Senator? I can believe that. The most Conservative? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL."

"If George Soros orders McCain to be conservative Juan will wag his tail like a good little puppy dog and be conservative."

"I view this as a condemnation of all the other Republicans in the Senate. If we can't elect Republicans that are more conservative than Juan McAmnesty we may need to find a new party."

"[N]othing has changed. He views statesmanship as compromise, especially involving fundamental principles. A discipline learned well at the Hanoi Hilton."

That last comment? We cats say, ouch!

About Bob

By Miss Kubelik

There's a wonderful obit in The Washington Post today — wonderful not because its subject has died, but because it should make the Family Research Council and other opponents of marriage equality heartily ashamed of themselves.

Bob Davis, the voice of WGMS-FM and fixture of the Washington media scene, died on February 23 at the age of 90. His immediate survivor is his husband, Henry Schalizki, whom he married on their 62nd anniversary as a couple last year.

Mr. Davis and Mr. Schalizki were able to wed, of course, because the District of Columbia — like only five U.S. states — has legalized same-sex marriage. As the state of Maryland appears shortly about to do, we might add.

You know, if same-sex couples could marry in all 50 states, such obits would not be remarkable. Making them more ordinary is a noble goal — worth attaining not just in and of itself, but as a tribute to guys like Bob Davis and Henry Schalizki.

In the words of the obituary: "Schalizki once said [that he and Davis] endured as a couple because of a motto they embraced: 'I'm always right, and he gets his way.'"

Sage advice for us all. We cats PURR.

When Madness Goes Mainstream

By Sniffles

We cats are kind of proud that we can still be shocked. After all, it means that we maintain some basic standards of decency. And these days, we need all the decency we can get. Remember when the fringe-y people stayed where they belong — on the fringe? Those days are over.

For example, in Georgia some anti-choicer guy — and they're always guys — wants to pass a law that would criminalize miscarriages. See, it apparently wasn't enough that South Dakota walked back a bill that would have made it okay to kill abortion providers (although Nebraska is picking up that baton, now). Now we have to get the federal government involved in.... miscarriages. Gosh, crap like this makes us cats soooooo glad we are fixed — although a brilliant blogger from RH Reality Check has answered the Georgia jerk with the funniest public discussion of used tampons since Camillagate.

But wait, there's more. Now a teabagger Congressman, also from Georgia — what is it with the Peach State? — has held a town hall meeting at which he was asked by a constituent, "Who is going to shoot Obama?" And, of course, he chose not to rebuke the questioner. "I know there's a lot of frustration with this President," the Republican responded as his audience laughed.

Well, now Mr. Teabagger is trying to make amends. We hope that means he's not only received a barrage of outraged e-mails and phone calls from decent-thinking Americans, but that he's also gotten a visit from the Treasury Department. (You know, that's the part of the Executive Branch that the Secret Service reports to.)

But amends or no amends, we cats are unimpressed. Frankly, we are sick and tired of Republican leaders ignoring or tut-tutting such behavior — or not condemning it until after the fact, when the news cycle has moved on. Their silence is a bare-faced refusal to halt to the hate. Meanwhile, the inflammatory language feeds their bloodthirsty base for another 24 hours.

What cowardice. What shame. Someone on our side needs to have a Joseph Welch moment here. Not just to call out this teabagger Congressman — but his whole goddamn party.

Stooges Galore

By Zamboni

We cats recall urging Americans to start behaving as if they were older than 15. But the last time we wrote that, we were speaking of classic American literature — and we never dreamed immaturity in other realms would get quite this bad.

Alas, bad behavior and hissy fits seem to be rampant these last few weeks. Here's a partial* list of offenders:

Journalist Nir Rosen tweeted rude and silly things about the sexual assault that CBS News correspondent Lara Logan endured in Cairo on February 11. Rosen added that he wished it had also happened to CNN's Anderson Cooper. In a matter of hours he lost his fellowship at NYU.

A jackass deputy attorney general in Indiana — again, on Twitter — decided it was very important to tell the world that union protesters there should be shot. "You're damned right I advocate deadly force," he added. He was fired.

A lamebrain cop in Florida decided he was so upset about health care reform and other accomplishments of the Obama Administration that he filed papers declaring himself a "sovereign citizen." Since law enforcement officials act as representatives of state, local or federal government, and since the FBI has begun looking at such self-declared "freemen" as potential domestic terror threats, the cop was summarily shown the door. "I filed those documents without really reading them," he sputtered. "All I wanted to do was make a political statement about the way things are going in this country. I don't think I deserve to lose my job over it."

What do these idiots have in common? They need to grow up already.

We cats are getting to point where we think that Internet privileges should be revoked if you can't demonstrate that you're mature enough to handle them. Tweet no more, fellas. And as for the Florida cop — good God, man. Read stuff before you sign and file it, for heaven's sake.

Even scarier? We'd bet that all three of these guys own guns. We cats HISS.

(*"Partial," because it doesn't contain Wisconsin's Republican Governor Scott Walker and his despicable baseball bat.)

The President's DOMA Decision Today Is a Swell Excuse to Run This Picture

...And we're one step closer to Liberty and Justice for all.

One In, One Out

We cats send hearty congratulations and scratchy kisses to Rahm Emanuel, who was just elected Mayor of Chicago.

And — oh, yes. John Thune announced today that he won't run for President in 2012. Dozens of Republicans across the country are looking for a new candidate now.

We Wish They All Could Be California Nurses

By Baxter

The Republican assaults on labor in Wisconsin, Ohio, Indiana and a host of other states have reminded us cats of something: One of the reasons nobody is saying "Governor Meg Whitman" in California these days is that a big labor union hounded her nonstop.

Of course, as we fondly recall, Meg had many flaws — which meant, in the end, that she threw away $160 million of her own money on a fruitless quest to buy elective office. But like her fellow Republicans, Whitman also had it in for public-employee unions. And thanks to the California Nurses Association, voters eventually understood that with Whitman as Governor, they'd have targets on their backs, too.

The nurses picketed Whitman relentlessly — at her zillion-dollar home, her campaign events, everywhere they could. They staged media events and street theater. "We are not going to let Meg Whitman push us around," they said. And they didn't.

We cats hope that the public employees and labor unions under attack by the GOP in other states continue to take a page from the California Nurses and use their resources to — please pardon the expression — "dog" their elected representatives. Not just now, but all the time.

We hope they've launched campaigns of perpetual harassment — of their Republican Governors, their state legislators, and any representatives of the Koch brothers who turn out to support them. They should show up at the Republicans' offices, homes, country clubs and golf courses — and not let up for however long their GOP officials have left in their terms.

The RNs showed us the Rx for fighting union-busters. We cats PURR.

Tidbits and Cat Treats — Presidents' Day Edition

By Miss Kubelik

Happy Presidents' Day, everyone. Today we've seen news items that have made us cranky, and news items that have made us pleased. Here are a few.

Every time we hear Republicans say that workers' benefits must be cut and unions have to be busted because "we're broke," we want to knock them upside the head.

Republicans are the ones who took a nearly $100 billion Clinton budget surplus and squandered it on tax cuts for the rich, two wars (one based on lies) and a Medicare prescription drug benefit that wasn't paid for. And today, Wisconsin's Governor — Republican, of course — is crying poor after having given his corporate pals $140 million in special-interest tax breaks and spending. We cats don't understand why any American voters are willing to put their state or national economies into Republican hands. Buyer's remorse, anyone?

Scott Walker, by the way, is so repugnant he's positively Vitterian. Were they separated at birth?

But back to Commanders in Chief. We cats have seen some grousing about tonight's Chris Matthews special on President Clinton. "A valentine," sniffs The Washington Post. You know what? Too freaking bad. We'd say that the media kind of owe Bill Clinton some favorable coverage for a change. And may he someday join our other Democratic Presidents — Carter, Obama and Gore — as a Nobel Peace Prize recipient.

Finally, speaking of the Nobels, it appears that war criminal Donald Rumsfeld thinks that President Obama's peace prize was undeserved. This is so hilarious that we cats don't know where to start. We'll just stick with the observation that real American patriots are happy when their President is so honored.

(IMAGE: Oh, this Amy Giacomelli artwork is just picture-purr-fect.)

Friends of Haley

By Sniffles

What a coincidence. Tucked deep inside today's obituary of former "Meet the Press" host Bill Monroe is this interesting nugget:

"Civil rights became one of the hallmarks of Mr. Monroe's early career. While news director in the early 1950s at the New Orleans NBC-TV affiliate, he produced some of the station's first editorials and often weighed in on school desegregation. His efforts landed him on a White Citizens' Council's list of 'traitors to the South,' he once said, and led to threats to him and his family."

Threats? From those folks that Haley Barbour recently insisted were such good guys? Gee!

The Face of Choice

By Zamboni

So it's come to this. The (mostly male) rabid right is so hopped up about restricting abortion that female elected officials now are sharing medical details that really are nobody's business.

We cats are of two minds about this. First, that it's good to put a face on the Americans who are exercising their Constitutional rights. Over the years, women obtaining the safe, legal abortions guaranteed by Roe v. Wade generally have remained anonymous and, therefore, have been easy for anti-choicers to demonize or ignore. How much simpler for religious maniacs who don't understand the separation of church and state to focus on the fetus — and make the burdened, sometimes traumatized, but almost always conflicted woman carrying it the sinister one.

On the other hand, though, it's a shame that one has to give up some of one's privacy in order to ultimately protect it. That's why we cats generally refrain from discussing any litters we may have lost.

However, there's one question that Congresswoman Speier's brave statement raises in our minds: Unwanted pregnancies — as well as wanted pregnancies that go awry — know no political party. Surely there are Republican women who have had abortions who are appalled at what's going on. Why don't they speak up?

We'll tell you why. Because any political party that would attempt to pass a state law justifying the murder of abortion providers obviously would — Sharia-like — stone its pro-choice females to death.

Hey, Republicans with wombs: What are you doing in that party?

UPDATE: Congresswoman Gwen Moore also spoke on the House floor of a personal abortion experience — and, in our view, had the quote of the day. After listening to a parade of GOP men rail against choice, the Wisconsin Democrat said, "I just couldn't resist letting them know that they didn't know what the hell they were talking about." We cats PURR.

Blue Texas

By Baxter

Now we know the real reason all those teabaggers were against the U.S. census. They didn't want people to realize that the 2010 results would show the Republican Party hurtling toward extinction.

Why? Because America is becoming less white. And helping to lead the way is one of the biggest states in the union, Texas, which soon will join Hawaii, California and New Mexico as a majority-minority state. (Put D.C. on that list as well. It isn't a state, but should be.)

You know, we cats wonder. Already it's less than clear how any of the 12-plus dwarfs on the Republican side will defeat an incumbent President who was so decisively elected in 2008. But on top of that — and looking into the not-too-distant future — when a majority-minority Texas eventually turns from red to purple to blue, how will Republicans win any national election? With Texas added to New York, California and other large-population, reliably blue states, how can a GOP candidate carry only the Old Confederacy, Wyoming, Idaho and Utah, and win the Presidency?

We're not saying it couldn't happen. After all, Florida, North Carolina and Virginia aren't locks any more. But the numbers are daunting. So, to our race-baiting Republican friends, we cats say: Keep attacking non-whites, white boys. We thank you for your support.

Oh, and you might want to rethink your opposition to the Endangered Species Act.

CPAC: World's Best Sleep Aid

By Miss Kubelik

We cats generally don't need any help when it's time to nod off. But goodness gracious, we've seen a lot of soporific, lazy reporting about the CPAC clown convention that just wrapped up this weekend. Allow us to make a few observations before we take our next Valentine's Day catnap.

First, we must say that we love, LOVE the fact that Andrew Breitbart was served with Shirley Sherrod's lawsuit there. Great move, Shirl! And we certainly hope that whoever that brave server was, he got out of that den of rabidity alive.

Next, aside from the fact that the Republicans clearly have a libertarian vs. social conservative problem — which Rachel Maddow has 'splained far more eloquently than we could — we can't imagine better news from the 2011 CPAC straw poll (unless it was the 2010 CPAC straw poll). Here's how we see it breaking down:

• True libertarians (Ron Paul, Gary Johnson) = 36 percent
• Economic conservatives (Mitt Romney, Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels) = 33 percent
• Social conservatives (Newt Gingrich, Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, John Thune, etc.) = 20 percent
• Isolationists (Paul) = 30 percent
• Foreign policy bomb throwers (Gingrich, Bachmann, Santorum) = 11 percent
• Fungible guys who are nothing but whores (Romney, Gingrich, Pawlenty, Haley Barbour) = 33 percent

Now, that's a divided party. So divided, in fact, that others who so far have been just musing about it (Giuliani, Pataki, Jindal, DeMint, Rand Paul) may decide to get into the race. But wait, here's more.

At some point, Mitt Romney has to answer this question: How does he get beyond his usual one-quarter to one-third of the vote? He couldn't do it against a wounded front-runner in 2008, so how does he do it against self-funding candidates who will be able to compete with him financially in 2012? Stay tuned.

As for the other candidates, what could they be thinking? Well, we cats have some ideas.

Michele Bachmann: "I gave away 2,000 T-shirts, got my picture taken with 3,000 people, gave a red-meat speech and got fewer than 200 votes?? On the other hand, I beat the person who's not being mentioned on this blog in February. So, yay!"

Tim Pawlenty: "I'm in a two-way tie for sixth place. The perfect spot to be, according to the Joe Lieberman School of Politics. But I've been running harder, and more correctly, than anyone else in the field — and I tie with a whack-job like Bachmann? Rats!" (Or whatever it is that people in Minnesota say when they're mad.)

Donald Trump: "I gave a rip-roaring speech but couldn't break 1 percent? I'm fired!"

Rick Santorum: "I probably got hurt the most of anyone. I said things in the run-up to the conference that should have guaranteed a packed house. Instead, I spoke to a half-empty ballroom. Oh, God, people are going to run that picture of my little girl crying again."

Haley Barbour: "I'm the candidate of the insiders, the lobbyists, the big-money types and the (literal, in my case) fat cats. And the grassroots doesn't know who I am, doesn't care who I am, and doesn't want me. That's the last time I help Republican governors across the country get elected!"

Jon Huntsman: "Okay, this wasn't my crowd. But what is my crowd?"

Mike Huckabee: "Maybe appearing on FOX once a week in a dead timeslot is not the road to winning Iowa the second time around. Maybe I'll have to choose between paying the mortgage on that $3 million home in Florida's Redneck Riviera and running for President. Oh, Lord..."

John Thune (to his mirror): "Stick to the Senate, pretty boy."

He Wants To Be a Pirate!

By Sniffles

Loudoun County Supervisor Eugene Delgaudio is at it again. The last time we cats posted on this guy, we speculated whether his regular, unprovoked attacks on homosexuals had some deep-seated psychological reasons behind them. Now, we're sure of it.

Why else would an elected official in Virginia be so upset about a pirate festival in Tampa, Florida? Ooh, see, the gays are taking it over and he wishes he could be there!

"When...young men [at the festival] are sufficiently intoxicated," Geney-Boy wrote, no doubt longingly, "homosexuals dressed as pirates whisk them away to God knows where to take advantage of them sexually. There are even countless stories of any number of immoral sex act [sic] being performed by open homosexuals — some even in broad daylight during the event."

Sounds to us cats as if Delgaudio has a secret desire to "whisked" himself. Meanwhile, Tampa police are denying that open sex acts take place at the annual community event.

Of course, the amusing part is that the blogosphere is lit up, making fun of this Loudoun County jackass. And it's a great excuse to post a picture of the always-fabulous Johnny Depp. So we cats PURR.

A House Divided

By Zamboni

After hearing what happened at CPAC yesterday, we cats think maybe the Party of Lincoln cannot stand. (Or is it that we cannot stand the Party of Lincoln? We digress.)

Seems that a good chunk of the CPAC crowd — mainly Ron Paul followers, but others as well — booed Donald Rumsfeld and the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived (If Indeed He Were a Person), who were there peddling books.

The pundit world has reacted in shock. But actually, we cats think that in today's split-personality GOP, it makes a fair amount of sense.

True libertarians — which the establishment Republicans, who want to dictate the contents of Americans' wombs, are not — dislike the Worst Person If Indeed He Were, etc. In their view, Dick Cheney has been a part of "big government" since the days of Richard Nixon. He was de facto President for eight years — and as such presided over an unnecessary and costly war. Not to mention that the Bushies blew a budget surplus for tax cuts that, libertarians believe, should have been paid for (but weren't) with massive federal spending reductions.

As for Rumsfeld, well — nobody likes him. Who could? Ugh.

Yesterday's boos, however, are just the latest demonstration of the ugly divide between the GOP establishment and the flaky, teabaggy base that they keep trying to ride like a bucking bull. Clearly — just like last year's unpredictable primary-election results and this week's failed floor votes in the House — inside-the-Beltway Republicans think they still run things. Otherwise, why else would it have been deemed safe to pull Cheney out of his bunker and put him in a public venue with C-SPAN's cameras rolling? Surprise!

This should make for a very interesting 2012. Just ask Orrin Hatch and Richard Lugar. And the 12-plus dwarfs who will run for the worthless GOP Presidential nomination.

Memo to President Obama re: Egypt

Dear Mr. President:

Perhaps if you want to force Hosni Mubarak to leave, you could get him to e-mail a topless photo of himself to a woman on Craigslist.

Just a thought!

(IMAGE: Goodness gracious, this is priceless.)

UPDATE, February 11: Wow! It worked!

Pre-Valentine's News Flash: GOP Senate Leaders Endorse Republican Adultery

By Baxter

We cats are a bit on sensory overload today, what with Hosni Mubarak speechifying in Egypt again, the House of Representatives out of control, and that clown convention underway in Washington. But we simply have to address the resignation of the GOP's own descamisado, Christopher Lee.

The shirtless Republican Congressman's swift fall from grace is being portrayed as "John Boehner's death penalty." Goodness gracious. Eyeliner Man has no mercy, has he?

Still, the term begged a question in our minds. Specifically, why are John Ensign and David Vitter still in the Senate?

We can only guess the obvious: That Mitch McConnell, Jon Kyl, Lamar Alexander and John Cornyn have no morals, and don't care about morality in public servants. At least, not in Republican public servants.

Meanwhile, here's the only guy we cats want to see topless, thank you very much.

Obscene

By Miss Kubelik

We cats were minding our own business this morning, driving around Northern Virginia, when we chanced upon a car with this bumper sticker in its back window.

We tried to imagine what would compel anyone to display a sentiment like this. After centuries of advantages thanks to their skin color (and probably to their gender), they're feeling aggrieved?

Maybe they simply feel surrounded. Recent census data show that, with an influx of Asians, Hispanics and blacks, Prince William County has become a majority-minority jurisdiction.

But wait, here's the irony: This racist teabagger's car aerial also flew the Stars and Stripes. Which, of course, was in tatters.

We almost stopped to ask the driver why he had no respect for the American flag. But since we didn't want to get shot, we decided that although we are cats, it would be prudent to FIDO.

The Republicans Are Revolting, Part II

By Sniffles

Wow! We cats never thought we'd have another installment of "revolting Republicans" (although of course they are), but lookee here, everyone!

More than two years after the GOP bailout of the financial industry was turned back on Capitol Hill, another embarrassing defeat occurred today: The extension of the Patriot Act failed. Only this time, Republicans are in charge of the House. They "brought [the bill] forward not knowing the votes," Dennis Kucinich dryly observed.

But it's not just a question of math. As with the bailout debacle in 2008, today's vote is a simple matter of party discipline. The Republicans have 87 House freshmen, 36 of whom are teabaggers — and John Boehner and Eric Cantor can't control them.

Ha. The 112th Congress should provide us with plenty of amusement this year. After all, why should people who don't believe in government be able to govern at all?

(IMAGE: Cats, at least, have the good taste to be embarrassed when they screw up.)

O Gosh!

By Zamboni

We cats quickly muted the TV last night, because we hate Super Bowl bombast. So we had no idea that the pop singer person who "performed" the National Anthem botched the lyrics.

Now, as we troll the headlines this day after, we're amazed to discover that we missed a major screw-up.

We cats have no sympathy. Once, a few years ago, we were present in Toronto when Judy Collins completely mis-sang the words to "O Canada" at a Maple Leafs hockey game. This in spite of the fact that the lyrics were projected up on the scoreboard. Collins wilted under the resulting boos; she seemed genuinely upset.

As she should have been. To any performer who even pretends to be professional: Learn your lines. Do your homework. Otherwise, we cats can't be bothered with you.

Meanwhile, here's a version of "O Canada" we like.

"Hello, McFly!!!"

By Baxter

There's a story in today's New York Times that just makes us cats want to scream.

Seems that in the wake of last month's assassination attempt on Representative Gabrielle Giffords, members of Congress are trying to figure out how to remain accessible to their constituents — and safe at the same time.

What should they do? Accept police protection during public events? Ride in cars instead of walking in parades? Change constituent meetings to more secure, if less friendly, venues? These poor elected officials are just struggling, struggling, struggling to come up the solution.

Well, duh, people. The answer is right in front of you.

Get rid of the guns.

It's so easy. If a member of Congress knows that the constituents he or she is meeting with are not armed, they'll have a lot less to worry about. We can all go about our business and maybe even have a few civilized conversations (that is, if there are no teabaggers around).

But, no. Thanks to politicians' extreme cowardice in the face of the NRA uber-lobby, any effort to restrict gun availability, to close sales and registration loopholes — or just keep high-powered ammunition out of the hands of Jared Loughner — is doomed to legislative failure.

We cats are disgusted and amazed. To the Founders, we say: You guys were pretty smart, but you have no idea what havoc you wreaked on this country with that stupid Second Amendment. And to Congress? Well, as the saying goes, if we cats were any closer to you, we'd bite you.

Looking Toward 2012: Fear The Huntsman

By Miss Kubelik

Are we cats the only Democrats who think Jon Huntsman is attractive? It takes an effort for us to admit to this. We don't usually go for Mormons, you see.

But we're sorry to see Ambassador Huntsman leave his China post. We think he's served the Administration well, and we're amused by the insults hurled his way by Freepers who loathe him.

Amused — yes, but here's the thing. Huntsman is the one Republican who we think could give President Obama a run for his money next year. Here's how.

The election will be decided by independent voters. (Independents don't vote in midterms. So those on the right who think 2010 is a harbinger of a great victory in 2012 are drinking Kool-Aid.) Independents also don't like hateful, angry, spiteful, racist — i.e., teabagger — rhetoric. But that's what they're going to hear from the majority of the Republican Presidential contenders. Our prediction: It will drive them to Obama, just as it drove them to Obama in 2008.

Unless — unless the Republicans nominate Jon Hunstman. Democrats should fear a scenario in which all the outrageous and racist GOP haters collide in Iowa and South Carolina and destroy each other — while some smart candidate, like Huntsman, decides to stay above all the hot rhetoric, somehow manages to stay standing, and wins the nomination by being the last semi-rational person in the room.

Then, that person — and maybe that's Huntsman — pulls a Bush 2000, and runs a campaign in which he's painted as a nice, aw shucks, peanut-butter-and-jelly-loving, average guy, and not some pointy-headed intellectual elitist like President Gore or President Obama.

Why do we think this person might be Huntsman? The answer is money. A self-funder like Huntsman could execute a "let's-tone-down-the-rhetoric" strategy that aims past the GOP primaries and toward the general election, which would be the smart thing to do. Somebody who can't raise funds so easily — say, Daniels, Pawlenty, Pataki or Christie — wouldn't be able to survive.

Of course, we're comforted by the fact that the base of the Republican Party hates him. Keep it up, Freepers! In our view, you're sealing your own electoral doom.

Forget Newt. Think Newton.

By Sniffles

Feeling polarized? No wonder. A new Gallup poll shows an amazing 68-point gap between how Democrats and Republicans rate President Obama's performance in office.

Now, we cats have found cause over time to quibble with Gallup. We think they tend to skew Republican, but how do you screw up numbers like these? Republican approval of the President: 13 percent. Democratic approval: 81 percent. Those are pretty stark differences, and we cats have several thoughts about them.

Specifically, that despite the carping of our friends on the left — and the ridiculous media drumbeat a few months back that he might be challenged in the 2012 primaries — we're unsurprised that President Obama has retained some strong loyalties among Democrats.

Why? Well, not just because of moments in which the President has shone, such as his speech following the Tucson shootings. Or that he's managed to deliver on some key campaign promises from 2008. No, we think it's primarily because of the sputtering fury and anger of the teabaggers and the Republicans' "just say no to everything" opposition.

We cats believe that if the Republicans had not mercilessly, ceaselessly, irrationally and unpatriotically questioned every fiber of Barack Obama's being in the most venal, hateful and petty ways over the last two years, then the President's Democratic numbers would be weaker — because there would be less of a rallying effect in our party without the angry teabagger mob. It's Newton's third law of motion.

Isn't it ironic? A political party dedicated to denying the existence of science and to halting the teaching of science in public schools has hurt itself by ignoring one of the fundamental scientific tenets that kids learn in the fifth grade: For every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.

We cats PURR.

Wingnuts and Prayers

By Zamboni

So President Obama this morning attended some event called "The National Prayer Breakfast," a subject which has consistently been like a small hairball to us. ("Small" because there always seem to be so many more important subjects to hack up about.)

Although we cats aren't knocking the teachings of Jesus — he seems a pretty cool fellow to us, overall — we don't understand why elected officials in a secular democratic nation like the United States should feel compelled to attend any "prayer" events. That said, we were somewhat assuaged by the President's charming references to his prayers for his daughter Malia.

"Lord, give me patience as I watch Malia go to her first dance, where there will be boys," the President said. "Lord, let her skirt get longer as she travels to that place."

LOL, okay. In today's new-found atmosphere of bipartisan comity, we can all agree to smile indulgently on this subject and move on, right?

Wrong. Our friends at Free Republic are having none of it. Charmed, they are not.

"I had to turn the channel. It was stomach turning."

"The Lord does not look kindly on this non-believing, lying hypocrite."

"If Obama prayed it would be like a vampire going into the sunlight."

And finally, here's this little gem:

"He is trying to look moderate but his actions on his I WILL VETO the energy green gas load of crap of a bill and his ObamaCare moving on shows he is still the radical progressive marxist muslimatheist half black fake that he is."

Is that English? Are these people even making sense any more? We cats wonder. We also wonder if it will ever be possible to bridge the divides in this country. Sometimes we think yes. Other times — like today — we think, positively, definitely, no.

Now, THIS Is Reality Television

We cats won't complain that Barbara Bush the Younger has recorded a commercial in support of marriage equality. But we think this video is far, far more important.

You Can't Go Home Again

By Baxter

We cats often come across folks over at Free Republic who pine for the days of the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived.

We don't know exactly what they're missing. Illegal invasions of countries that didn't attack us? The complete decimation of the Department of Justice? The destruction of America's reputation in the world? The bungled response to Hurricane Katrina? It's hard to know.

But if it's the Bush-era housing boom that the sad little Freepers yearn for, here's some more bad news: It's gone.

Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal reports that the 2008 financial meltdown and bursting of the housing-market bubble have completely wiped out any gains made in Bush and Cheney's mad pursuit of "the ownership society." Today, fewer Americans own homes than at any time since 1998.

Hmm, interesting. After tax cuts for the rich that we couldn't afford, a completely unfunded Medicare Part D program, and education "reforms" that aren't working, it now seems that the most significant domestic accomplishment of the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived is a failure, too.

We wonder if any of the 2012 Republican Presidential wannabes will be asked about this? And if they are — a stretch, considering the deplorably short memories of American journalists — what will they say?

(IMAGE: Goodnight, John-Boy.)

Norm Says "Nein"

By Miss Kubelik

Is it possible that former Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman has finally understood how unappealing he is? It seems that Normie has just ruled out a run against Democratic Senator Amy Klobuchar next year.

Ha. Don't get your hopes up. We cats would be shocked if Norm Coleman ever came to Jesus on that particular issue. (Although he looks kind of Jesus-y in this yearbook photo.)

In the meantime, though, we have three theories on what's behind Coleman's announcement:

He prefers to wait for a rematch with his 2008 opponent, Democratic Senator Al Franken.

He's making too much money as a lobbyist now.

Michele Bachmann said she'd neuter him if he did, because that's her Senate seat. (It's tough to get to the Presidency directly from the House, you know.)

Well, no matter. We cats can't pretend to read Norm Coleman's mind. We just think it would be best for the country if he not return to elected office. After all, nobody needs a Senator who's willing to get into bed with the birthers. (Ew!)

P.S.: Oops, is that headline a Nazi reference? We cats sure wouldn't want to use any Nazi references. After all, FOX "News" and the Republicans never do that.