A Quickie: Not Far From The Tree

The First Family received the White House Christmas tree the other day. When we cats look at the Obama daughters, we're reminded of what Scarlett O'Hara said to the Tarleton Twins:

"I can never decide which of the two of you is the handsomer. I was awake all last night, thinking about it."

Zerbanity

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are traveling today. Specifically, we are spending time in America's Dairyland. And we just want to put on the record that the first bumper sticker we saw in the state of Wisconsin today was for Rob Zerban — Paul Ryan's Congressional opponent.

Paul Ryan is, of course, one of those recently appointed, all-white-male, Republican committee chairs. But it's good to know that the entire Badger State is not behind him.

Sore Loserman

By Sniffles

We cats only have one regret about Election 2012: that the names "Romney-Ryan" don't lend themselves to parody the way "Gore-Lieberman" did in 2000. Back then, the Republicans accused us of a certain lack of graciousness about, um, "not winning."

Now, fast-forward to today, and without even a lick of irony, the GOP is beside itself that Barack Obama decisively won not one but two Presidential elections. (The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, they should recall, only won one — by a whisker.)

They're inconsolable. They've whined about everything from hurricanes to Chris Christie to their candidate ("He was too conservative!" "No, he wasn't conservative enough!"). Now, three weeks later to the day, here's their latest: Obama stole 2012!

The Republicans are so pathetically jumping the shark that we cats were just going to roll our eyes and go back to sleep — until we heard that Virginia's own attorney general was joining in. So allow us to have a few words with our not-so-dear Ken Cootchie-Hootchie-Nelly.

First, General Cootchy, get this through your thick skull: There was no voter fraud in the Old Dominion. None. We cats know this, not only because we are smarter than you, but because we were there. We memorized the voting rules of the road (which are quite stringent here, as you know), took them to the polls, and spent 15 hours watching 1,754 Virginians cast ballots in our precinct alone.

Everyone who was entitled to vote did so. Only a handful were turned away, and all for the right reasons (like being in the wrong place). So your allegation that fraud occurred is a vile slur not only on the voters we observed but on the elections officials themselves — fine public servants who worked a nearly 24-hour day, and half of whom, you should remember, were Republicans.

Second, General Cootchy, you might think to blame Willard's loss in Virginia on the fact that he didn't have a primary here in the spring. With only Romney and Ron Paul collecting the necessary 10,000 signatures to get on the Virginia ballot, the contest was a non-event — costing Romney an important opportunity to hone his ground game for the fall.

And who dropped his initial push to change that 10,000-signature rule, after Gingrich and Santorum went to court? Why Mr. Cootchy, we believe it was you.

Better open your umbrella, Cootch. Because we cats are about to dump our dirty litter box on your head.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: No Snow Edition

By Baxter

Washington, D.C. and its environs can relax — it looks like we won't get tomorrow's threatened snow. Which is fine with us cats, because we have to travel this week. (However, it can snow all it wants between December 2 and December 13. Weather gods, you've been notified.)

Meanwhile, the following news items have gotten our attention.

We cats think we love Thomas Ricks, and we're wondering how we can get on FOX "News," too. Think Roger Ailes would let us?

Willard Mitt Romney has officially hit 47 percent of the vote! Not only that, but his La Jolla home with the car elevator is right near Bird Poop Central! We applaud coincidences, irony and schadenfreude — 100 percent.

Did you know women aren't women any more because they're angry? Neither did we. But we can only assume that the Phyllis Schlafly relative who's peddling that tripe has visited Free Republic.

Finally, on that note, we have bad news for Jeb! Bush: The Freepers hate you, bud. See, they think you're not only a RINO, but you — are you ready for this? — "refused to save the life of Terri Schiavo."

Hm. The way we remember it, not only was Ms. Schiavo already brain dead, you and the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived and Tom DeLay and Bill Frist insisted on poking the government's nose in a family's private medical business. But then, you Republicans are perfectly happy to invade American bedrooms and doctor offices, aren't you? We cats HISS.

You Can't Blame Us For Feeling Angerous

By Zamboni

Despite its allusion to little birds, we cats are not really into Twitter. (Not enough hours in the day, don'tcha know.) But we would have been tempted to join in if we'd known what was happening on Thursday.

Tweets flew thick and fast over Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade host Matt Lauer's mispronunciation of "'S Wonderful." (No, Matt, ess not good.)

We of course weren't watching, because we hate the Thanksgiving Day parade (unless it's the first few minutes of "Miracle on 34th Street.") And besides, we're boycotting Macy's because of the Trump thing.

But there's something absolutely delicious about zillions of Gershwin fans taking the loathsome Mr. Lauer to task. And we have a suggestion for his continued punishment. From now on, every time he interviews guests on that silly "Today" show, they should say stuff to him like:

"Thank you, Matt, it's 's wonderful to be here."

"Matt, that's a 's marvelous question, and I'm glad you asked it."

"It was 's awful nice of you to have me."

And if NBC and the other big media companies would be willing to stop paying idiots like Matt Lauer huge salaries that they do not earn, we cats think that would be, well, 's paradise.

Leadership = Servanthood

By Miss Kubelik

This Thanksgiving Day, we cats are grateful for many things — President Obama's re-election foremost among them. But we also are grateful for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Secretary Clinton helped broker the current cease fire in the Gaza Strip. She did that after relentless globe-trotting and little sleep. How she manages to keep her amazing schedule on behalf of the United States, we haven't a clue. We're just thankful that she does it.

There's no doubt that Hillary Clinton has proved herself one of the greatest Secretaries of State in our lifetimes — and since we're cats, that's a lot of lifetimes. But what we admire her for the most is this: Despite the slings and arrows she's endured throughout her career, she has never allowed any of it to distract her from serving her country.

Once, many years ago, we cats had the privilege of meeting her. It was on a rope line, and we had just a quick shot at saying something meaningful. We chose to tell her, "Thank you for your public service." It seemed to strike a chord. We thought she had tears in her eyes when she said thank you back.

If we met Secretary Clinton today, we cats would tell her that she should not only run for President in 2016, she could possibly get close to 400 electoral votes if she did so. But for the sake of the Democratic Party, which we know she cares deeply about, she needs to decide quickly.

So, Madam Secretary, happy Thanksgiving. And as for the future, please accept your accolades, get some rest — and then tell us by early 2014 what's on your mind.

We cats PURR.

And Now, For Someone Completely Different

By Sniffles

Since the brilliant Hillary Rodham Clinton — who pulled off an impressive cease fire in Gaza today — seems determined to leave the State Department for a well-deserved rest, it appears that President Obama is left with an SOS nomination conundrum. Elevate UN Ambassador Susan Rice? Or appoint John Kerry (who then would vacate a Senate seat that Scott Brown might want)?

It's not a decision we cats envy, but we have a few thoughts.

First, we think that John McCain and Lindsay Graham are clowns. We scoff at their faux outrage over Susan Rice — but at the same time, we have no desire to turn the new Secretary's Senate confirmation hearings into a circus of Trumpian proportions.

We also think that Kerry would make a terrific chief diplomat. But the Republicans Swift-Boated him before. What would stop them from doing it again?

Therefore, we suggest to the President that he surprise everybody and appoint a Secretary of State who — as a Republican, a former member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, and a Viet Nam veteran — would carry the necessary international gravitas and take the wind out of the GOP's sails. All at the same time.

Chuck Hagel, keep that cell phone handy!

Freepers Mourn West, Channel 2000

By Baxter

We cats were worried about how our crazy right-wing friends over at Free Republic were handling the news of Allen West's defeat, so we hurried right over there to see.

Unsurprisingly, many are already touting West for President or (with the famous quitter from Alaska at the top of the ticket, of course) Vice President in 2016. But aside from that, the general lament was something along the order of this:

"His seat was stolen, pure and simple and those who aided in this — well, all I can say is God help you!"

"And now all the vote fraud, irregularities and legal violations by St. Lucie county election officials will simply be forgotten."

"It is now up to the people of Florida to demand a recount due to the heinous irregularities that took place."

Does anyone besides us see the irony in this?

Tidbits and Cat Treats: GOP's Bad Week Edition

By Zamboni

It's only Tuesday, but the Republicans are managing to have a horrible week.

Does it just seem like a piling-on because it's a holiday? Or is the GOP in such an awful state that this is the new normal? We cats think we know the answer. In meantime, savor these tasty morsels — all of which happened in the last few days.

Rupert Murdoch announced to the world that he hates Jews.

Rand Paul wants to run for President.

Republicans are still hating on Chris Christie, accomplishing the impossible feat of making themselves look even more heartless and contemptuous than before.

Allen West gave up, leaving Tim Scott as the only black Republican in the House.

The McCain-Graham attacks on Susan Rice have finally started making some key people mad.

Baby Marco Rubio rejected science. (Wait, maybe the GOP thinks this is a good thing.)

Kelsey Grammer got canceled.

Willard Mitt Romney's share of the popular vote might have really, truly, honestly been 47 percent.

Just A Couple of Nobel Peace Prize Winners, Hanging Out Together

We cats kind of wonder why the Administration is getting, like, no credit for the opening of Myanmar. But in the meantime, we PURR.

Cat Fight! Bobby Jindal vs. GOP

By Miss Kubelik

Perhaps seeing an opening for himself for 2016, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has just gone on a tear about how his fellow Republicans have to quit saying "stupid things."

We cats see a couple of problems here.

First, Jindal is only chastising the GOP for their words — not their Neanderthal beliefs or policies. We wonder if Bobby thinks that if Republicans just stop speaking their minds, they can lull voters into forgetting their, say, execrable 2012 platform.

Second, and more important, where was Bobby Jindal when all these "stupid things" were actually being said? Did he condemn them in real time? Or is he merely doing it now because he senses an opportunity?

Where was Bobby Jindal when Republican debate audiences cheered the idea of leaving an uninsured American to die, and booed an American soldier who self-identified as gay? What was Bobby Jindal's reaction when Rush Limbaugh slandered Sandra Fluke, when Newt Gingrich called Barack Obama a "food-stamp President," and when Willard Mitt Romney said that undocumented immigrants should "self-deport"? And we haven't even mentioned Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock yet!

Sorry, Bobby. You can complain now about your party all you want. But if you stood silently by when your fellow Republicans behaved like this, you're just as stupid as they are. We cats HISS.

Signs Of The Times

By Sniffles

In the wake of the disaster that was the Willard Mitt Romney campaign, we cats were prepared to give them credit for one thing they seemed to do well: visibility.

(That's because right after Willard picked the heartless accountant from Wisconsin as his running mate, and came chugging through our quaint Civil War-era town on their kickoff whistle-stop tour, we noticed many Silly Willy yard signs springing up. Particularly in our immediate neighborhood, which was probably a Silly Willy enclave by about two to one.)

But if our good friends at our favorite right-wing, paranoid corner of the Internet, Free Republic, are to be believed, the Romney campaign was not even good at that.

Freeps who resigned themselves to putting up signage for Willard — not because they loved him but because they hatehatehate President Obama — have complained mightily about the bad service they got when they ordered merchandise from the Romney store. Here are some of their most amusing indictments.

"My yard sign shipped the day after the election. The e-mail confirmation was like an extra punch in the gut. I sent a reply for them to keep it since it was no longer needed or wanted, but they must have ignored that message too. I ordered the sign six weeks earlier."

"The items on the [Romney] site were not cheap. It's not like I'm strapped for $$$$, but I do feel ripped off by his campaign and how they treated people."

"I swear I thought this was just me! About six weeks before the election, I ordered a T-shirt and 12 campaign buttons/pins. I never received an e-mail confirmation, so I had no proof I had ordered the items other than my card being charged. I checked the Romney website and there was no good customer service contact, so I ended up e-mailing to just a general e-mail address. I never heard a word back from them!"

"Yes, this is the EXACT same thing that happened to me. I ordered two bumper stickers and two yard signs at the same time in late August. The stickers arrived in early October and the signs never arrived. I did, however, receive massive amounts of mail and numerous phone calls soliciting for donations to the campaign."

"Further evidence that Romney had idiots working for him... Campaign materials not delivered (materials that people PAID FOR), polling software that never worked right, disorganized campaign offices..."

"Why are there so many complaints of poor service by the campaign? Wasn’t Romney lionized as a genius when it came to running businesses?"

"Several items of clothing never showed up, but yard sign came very late. I assumed the fine union workers at the post office had something to do with it, as I wonder if they had anything to do with my absentee ballots missing as well."

"As a legal team volunteer who was basically ignored the entire time and just got endless fundraising e-mails in reply to my e-mails about where to go and what to do, I was not really surprised [Romney] lost. You know what — if he ran his office like he did the internals of the campaign, his Presidency would have been a complete disaster as well."

We cats say, amen. And we PURR.

A Big, Fat Mistake

By Baxter

The week and a half since Election Day 2012 has been one big Schadenfreude Festival. We cats have expected it to wane, but it doesn't. In fact, with stories like this, it just keeps growing — and getting more fun.

But we wouldn't be cats if we didn't berate with disdain that potential 2016er, Chris Christie, for the woeful grammatical error he made today.

“Someone asked me," Christie said, "why did Mitt Romney lose? And I said, because he got less votes than Barack Obama, that’s why.”

That would be "fewer" votes, Governor. Of course, the bigger error goes by the name of Willard Mitt Romney. But don't get us started.

Woe Is Willard: Gifts We Didn't Get Edition

By Zamboni

We cats had absolutely no intention of writing about Willard Mitt Romney again, because — well, for obvious reasons. But in the category of "Just When You Think They Can't Get Any More Repulsive, They Do," Willard's latest whine to his donors about President Obama promising "gifts" to his key constituencies just begs for a retort.

First, Romney's "gifts" rant is proof that the Willard we saw in the 47 percent video is the real Willard. This is a rich and privileged guy who deeply resents his fellow Americans. You just can't get people to elect you President with an attitude like that.

But we must also put on the record that there are a few "gifts" we wish Willard had given us during the campaign. Such as:

• Treating President Obama with more respect.
• Telling the truth.
• Providing the details of his economic plan instead of asking voters to just trust him.
• Publicly reprimanding his creepy son for threatening to punch the President in the face.
• Refusing to tolerate his party's racism, misogyny, homophobia and xenophobia.

 But most of all, we wish that Willard had given us the greatest gift: his tax returns.

Urbane

By Miss Kubelik

So with the Republicans' demographic difficulties — with all their hand-wringing and denial and maybe even some soul searching since their dark, dark day of Tuesday, November 6 — it's not possible that Paul Ryan could have issued a racist dog whistle the other day. Right?

Guess again.

The only imaginable explanation — aside from the possibility that a guy who pretends to wash already-clean soup kitchen dishes is indeed an idiot — is that he meant to imply that we Obama voters are smooth, polished, refined and suave. Because of course, we are.

Lamebrains Bound For Joke Status

By Sniffles

We cats are not attorneys, but we volunteered to serve as poll observers for the Obama campaign on Election Day. As part of the "Lawyers Bound for Justice" (LBJ) team, we were charged with protecting the vote and helping to make sure that everyone who came out to cast a ballot was able to do so.

We're happy to report that in our assigned precinct in Prince William County, Virginia — the epicenter of the epicenter, it turns out — elections officials were diligent, thorough, pleasant, and respectful of voters' rights. It was a long day, but we had to take very little action. When we did, the situations were quickly resolved.

So with this experience under our belts, you can imagine how amused we are by the reports that the Romney voter-protection effort was, um, completely screwed up.

The Romney reporting app failed, but there was so much more than that — which we know from checking our favorite corner of the paranoid right-wing universe, Free Republic. Get a load of these comments from Freepers who were attempting to monitor the polls for Romney last Tuesday.

"They sent out wrong info, never responded to requests, refused to pay for anything at all."

"I will tell you as someone who signed up as a volunteer — even McCain-Palin ran a better campaign internally. I was horrified in the month or two leading up to the election on the legal team efforts. Horrible."

"We got ridiculous e-mails all along that were sort of like fundraising e-mails and offered no direction, no plan, nothing."

"I tried to volunteer, just so frustrated that there was no phone number on the campaign site.... too hard to navigate. Just had to resort to e-mail, which only got me donation letters every day. :("

"Some of us lawyers at first were asked to spend a week in a swing state and asked for airfare to be covered and we would split the hotel costs with each other and go four to a room — and they denied us. Then we got fundraising e-mails from the legal team and offers of a sweepstakes dinner with Ryan or Mitt!"

"There were never E-MAILS ON WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO!"

"I signed up as a volunteer to poll watch, at least six weeks prior to the election, maybe more. Never heard a peep from them."

"Even McCain ran a better campaign as far as the legal team went. WHERE THE F DID ALL THE $$$$$ GO?"

Goodness gracious. We cats wonder: If Willard Mitt Romney is supposed to be such a savvy businessman — why couldn't he properly deploy his poll watchers on Election Day? Axelrod, Plouffe and Messina have run rings around him. Which makes us cats PURR.

(IMAGE: President Johnson signs the Voting Rights Act, 1965.)

They'd Rather Light A Single Candle Than Curse The Darkness

Here is democracy in action in Orange, New Hampshire, on Election Night 2012. The lights failed — so the elections officers counted votes by candlelight.

We cats are happy to report from our sources that President Barack Obama carried Orange (as he did the entire state of New Hampshire). Live free or die, ya'll.

(PHOTO: Dorothy Behlen Heinrichs)

Romneybots In Shock

We cats have one hope: that the people in these pictures (and their compatriots across the country) finally understand that other people don't appreciate having their vote suppressed.

Veterans Day 2012

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."

 —Winston Churchill, August 20, 1940

Woe Is Willard: Deer In The Headlights Edition

By Baxter

Word is trickling out about how "shellshocked" the Romneybots were that they lost on Tuesday. We cats have been reading these stories with great satisfaction but also a little bit of awe. It seems that Willard and his team were suffering from a worse case of TPAW than we thought.

If the "shellshocked" stories are true — and there's always that caveat where the Republicans are concerned — we cats are relieved that people incapable of reading a newspaper won't be running the country come January.

But could the Romney bubble, we wondered, really have been that impenetrable? With all their money, didn't they have pollsters and prognosticators who actually knew stuff? (Example: Many independent voters are former Republicans. That's where that pesky oversampling problem comes in.)

And then it hit us. Of course: Willard Mitt Romney and his creepy family and his strange gaggle of political hacks believed Willy deserved the Presidency. Remember the 47 percent? Think back to Willard's tone in that video and you quickly recall his imperiousness, his contempt, but above all, his sense of entitlement. Which is pretty rich coming from a bunch who sneer about "takers."

We cats PURR that the American people denied this horrible person his grandiose dream. And we aren't even tempted to feel sorry for him. After all the lies that he told about our President — after all the fake soup-kitchen photo ops and phony "storm relief" campaign events, all the "binders full of women" and birth certificate jokes and demonizing half the country — we cats say: Go away, Willard. Now. Forever.

Don't Worry, There's More Where This Guy Came From

By Zamboni

While we all wait for the inevitable — Florida going into the Obama "win" column — we cats are thinking about Bushes.

Why? Because the son of a former Florida Governor and nephew of the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived has signaled an intention to run for something in the state that Rick Perry once hinted should secede. (Note to Rick: Better hurry, because the Lone Star state will, mark our words, turn purple.) Meanwhile, the buzz among "shellshocked" Republicans for Jeb! Bush to run for President in 2016 is definitely on.

We cats say: What a laff. If Jeb! Bush is the superficial answer to right-wing bubble dwellers who think that a celebrity with family connections and a Mexican wife can simultaneously solve the Republicans' Latino problem and pull Florida back from the brink of turning Presidential blue, then think about this:

How many Florida Latinos who will become eligible to vote in 2016 will have never seen Jeb! Bush's name on a ballot? His last race was in 2002!

Back then, white folks ruled the I-4 corridor electorally. Today, it's Dominicans and Puerto Ricans and other people the GOP doesn't like.

Of the hardline Cuban-Americans who loved Jeb! and were proud to vote for him, how many of them are still around — or will be still around in four years?

How many of those hardliners' grandchildren don't give a darn about Jeb!'s daddy's CIA ties to the anti-Castro underground that once ruled the Cuban-American community?

You see where we're going with this. But, fine — if the Republicans want to window-dress with Jeb!, or his silly son, or with Baby Marco Rubio, or with Susana Martinez, or whoever, let them try. But they'll never attract more Hispanic support if they don't change their miserable policies and halt the hate.

Freeper Freakout

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have been so busy these last couple of days that we haven't had a moment to check on our favorite corner of the paranoid right-wing universe, Free Republic. Until now.

But that doesn't mean we don't care about them — please! We were worried about how they were handling Tuesday's election results. The answer, as so often is the case with them: not well.

Some Freepers are touting the Famous Quitter from Alaska for 2016 — while, interestingly, others don't want to have anything to do with her. Some are blaming Willard Mitt Romney, others Chris Christie — and still others, the alleged Republican voters who didn't turn out. The bottom line? Let's just say that most are eagerly awaiting the end of the Mayan calendar next month.

But what's truly gotten our attention is the following Freeper primal scream: "I'm ashamed of my country!"

Why? Because these Freeps were the same people who freaked out when Michelle Obama said in 2008, "For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country because it feels like hope is really making a comeback."

Why is being ashamed of the country if you're a Freeper any different from being proud of the country if you're an Obama supporter? Well, never mind. Let's just get right to the comments that followed that anguished declaration:

"State of the Union — dire! God, please help us!"

"Hide your stuff. The takers are coming for it."

"Anyone who voted Democrat [sic] is no countryman of mine. They are willful traitors or stupid animals."

"[The election] defined who I’ll be going forward. My vote was outnumbered by an ill-informed voter. I shall NEVER again waste my time and vote. We are outnumbered...we have made the ‘turn’ and there is no going back. Minorities are breeding at an alarming rate...we can never outnumber the left. I am officially tuning out...no pride in America...it’s gone."

"This America is not the one I grew up in and loved. Women voted Obama because of contraceptives and choice to kill their babies, unions voted because of their precious auto bailout, blacks voted because of the obvious, everyone voted selvishly [sic] and ignorantly not for what was good for America as a whole."

"It is truly a DARK DAY in the history of our once GREAT NATION!! My God, how we have fallen from your GRACE. God’s judgment upon this country is coming and it is coming soon. This country will not endure another four years of an Obama Presidency. We are a DOOMED nation."

"This is what happens when the other side controls the media and the schools. And when good men marry liberal women and let them raise the kids."

To all this vitriol, we cats say:

Freedom of speech is a beautiful concept. But it's not always a beautiful thing.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: It's Over Because It's Over Edition (Thank You, Ohio)

By Sniffles

Goodness gracious, but campaigns just wear us cats out. After an extra dozen or so naps today, we finally feel up to posting about Election Day 2012. (But before we launch into a "tidbits" list of feline profundity, here's a fun fact: While we fulfilled our duties at our assigned precinct and stayed to witness the vote counting until 11:30 last night, the Romneybot observers left before the polls closed. We can only suppose they were in need of a happy hour.)

But on to a few thoughts about yesterday's Saving Of America.

To all the pundits with egg on their faces, and to Republicans who were screaming that the polls were biased, consider this: If President Obama overperformed his national numbers, and Willard Mitt Romney underperformed his — which they did — that means that the polls were wrong. In the opposite direction. Sorry, guys!

Okay, why don't they call Florida? The results are in. Does Eric Holder need to send troops down there to guard the voting machines?

On the subject of vote counts, Willard Mitt Romney might not be feeling lucky tonight. But he actually is. See, if he had gotten one million fewer votes nationwide, his share of the popular vote would have been.... 47 percent.

Which reminds us: We cats PURR in the direction of David Corn and James Earl Carter IV, for unleashing that amazing Willard video on the world. And now, we officially ask whoever shot it to come forward and reveal themselves.

President Obama didn't just win re-election last night. He beat perhaps the richest man ever to be nominated by a major party — in an election that was supposed to be defined by how much money was going to spent. Wouldn't it be interesting to know how much of his own cash Romney gave to his campaign? And since he paid big bonuses to his top staff for the primaries, what will those staffers' general election bonus be? Will anybody bother to check?

We are so glad that the Guy Who Pretends to Wash Already-Clean Soup Kitchen Pans will not be our Vice President.

Israeli prime minister and overall pain in the ass Benjamin Netanyahu wins the Mitch McConnell Ungracious Award (International Version).

Finally, since we cats are, well, catty, we will live up to our reputations and beg to differ with all the commentators who rained praise on Willard's concession speech. We found it robotic, rushed, off-putting and unsettling. Just like the man who gave it. And if that earns us the domestic version of the Mitch McConnell award, so be it.

Woe Is Willard: The Day After

By Baxter

We cats are still recovering from our 19-hour marathon at the polls yesterday. So while we have plenty of things to say about Election 2012, we'll just make two quick points for now:

1. After personally witnessing nearly 2,000 Virginians wait for two hours and more to vote, we cats think the most important thing that President Obama said in his wonderful acceptance speech was: "We have to fix that." Yes, Mr. President, we couldn't agree more. It's time that the United States ran its elections better than a developing nation does.

2. Thanks to the Republicans' transformation into the party of intolerance, demographics won the day. We cats are so, so tired of the GOP's narrow, pinched hatred — and are proud to stand with the diverse, dynamic Americans who yesterday voted to make even better the nation we love.

"TPAW"

By Zamboni

We cats are resting up today, getting ready for tomorrow's Big Event. Since we've volunteered to be poll watchers, and have to be at our assigned precinct by 5:15 AM (eek!), we calculate that we'll have to take five extra naps this afternoon to make up for it.

But before we do anything else, a word or two about How Things Look.

While we're taking nothing for granted — and, in true Obama-ground-game fashion, we refuse to stand down from our general state of hyper-vigilance — we are feeling pretty good. When projections by people we respect are this favorable, perhaps the only weapon left in the Republicans' arsenal is that well-worn whine, "The Polls Are Wrong." Or TPAW, for short.

Hmmm — that acronym is quite a coincidence. See, we've heard some buzz in Pundit World today about the "passion" that's allegedly brimming in the Silly Willy campaign. That doesn't just make us laugh for the obvious reasons — we've yet to meet a soul who's "passionate" about Willard — but because we also recall that Romney national co-chair who jumped ship more than a month ago: Tim Pawlenty.

That TPAW was so enthusiastic about Silly Willy's candidacy that he left the campaign six weeks early to become a lobbyist. Goodness gracious. If that's what passion for Romney is all about, then we cats heartily endorse it — and, of course, we PURR.

Woe Is Willard: Heal The Planet Edition

By Miss Kubelik

This ad from the League of Conservation Voters is a devastating reminder of how quickly Willard Mitt Romney's new romance with the word "change" would fade if "climate" preceded it.

The Romney Ground Game, Part II

By Sniffles

Let us revisit the quaint clapboard house that serves as our local Willard Mitt Romney headquarters.

This photo dates from a week ago, but it could have been taken today. On the Saturday before Election Day, we saw no cars in the parking lot, with no supporters, volunteers or canvassers trooping in and out.

We cats were only a little surprised. See, when we passed by this very same location last evening, it was locked up, dark and deserted.

Nevertheless, we keep expecting to turn around during our door knocking, phone banking and poll watching and find some Romneybots breathing down our necks. For example, at today's absentee-in-person voting at the Manassas Registrar's office — the busiest day in Virginia's early-voting schedule — we represented the local Democratic Party as observers, and half a dozen Obama volunteers patrolled the parking lot, handing out sample ballots. Surely, we thought, the GOP would show up to do the same. But none did — even though the headquarters pictured above is a mere two blocks away.

More proof that the Republicans think they can win simply by carpet-bombing the airwaves and spamming people with direct mail and robocalls. And just another reason that we'd rather be Us than Them.

Say Goodbye

By Baxter

We cats are getting ready for a busy Saturday and Sunday — the last ground-game weekend of the Presidential election. And goodness gracious, we'll be so glad when this thing is over and we can go back to taking 20 naps a day.

But when we look back at this election, no matter what its result (and, while still taking nothing for granted, we think we know what that will be), at this point it doesn't look like 2012 will be a wave election.

You know from wave elections. There was 2006 (good). There was 2008 (very good). And then there was 2010 (very bad). This year, no wave. But it's something else: generational.

That's because we cats are convinced that 2012 will be the last primal scream of the angry white guys who are today's Republican Party. Sure, they'll still be around in 2016, but in ever-shrinking numbers. This year, they're facing off against an America populated by people who don't look, act, or think like them. And it's those Americans who hold the future in their hands — because with each day that passes, there are fewer and fewer old white men left to power the GOP.

That's something that all the ad dollars, voter-suppression efforts and Obama-hating billionaires can't stop, no matter how hard the Republicans try. It's a simple, inevitable — and, for the GOP, an inconvenient — truth: Soon, the U.S. won't look anything like the people who filled the floor at their convention this year.

In fact, it doesn't already. We cats PURR.

What You Can Do

By Zamboni

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright paid a visit to our local Obama headquarters last night and talked about how important the 2012 election is.

She said her first vote for President as an American citizen was for John F. Kennedy in 1960. She told the crowd never to take the right to vote for granted, and to savor the fact that next Tuesday, November 6, we can all vote for someone as remarkable as Barack Obama.

As if to confirm what Secretary Albright said, here, ladies and gentlemen, is President John F. Kennedy.

Ode To Willard

It seems there's no stopping

Mitt's flipping and flopping

And the jaw-dropping lies that he tells.

With every new whopper,

This flipper and flopper

Thinks it's a story that sells.

But each flip seems to flop

And each flop is so flip

That he constantly trips on each lie.

So while some people flip

And may vote for this flop,

Most voters just stop and ask, "Why?"

—A poem by The Cranky Copywriter

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Five Days To Go Edition

By Miss Kubelik

Bitch-slapped by Sandy, the Willard Mitt Romney campaign now would have you believe a whole slew of Republican fantasies — such as certain blue states turning competitive, Jeep moving to China, and the American Red Cross wanting your expired canned goods.

As any thinking feline (and human) knows, these are goppers — otherwise known as lies. (In fact, we think that soon the dictionary will also include the verb "to Romney" — saying something that you know to be completely false, and refusing to admit it afterward.)

But that's for another day. In the meantime, we cats have some home-stretch observations about the state of the campaign.

By now we suspect that everything that could be opined about the new bromance between President Obama and the tart-tongued Chris Christie has been said. But we're still savoring it. In the category of There Are No Atheists In Foxholes: When your state has just been destroyed by Koch/GOP-fueled climate change, government isn't so bad.

A rabidly Democratic friend in Miami reports receiving Romney phone calls, and our humans here in Virginia, who have never voted Republican in their lives, are getting Romney snail-mail. More proof that Willard's just running a spam campaign.

News flash: The consumer confidence index has jumped to 72.2, the highest it's been since George W. Bush was around, and 158,000 private-sector jobs were added in October. Get ready for a good Christmas — and for the Republicans to start throwing accusations that the numbers are cooked.

Finally, now comes news that not only was the Rommey Ohio "storm-relief event" a crass exploitation of million of Americans' suffering, but it was even more fake than we knew. The Romney campaign went to Walmart and dropped a cool $5,000 on peanut butter, granola bars and diapers, took them to the rally, and thrust them into the hands of their attendees — who then dutifully handed them over to their candidate for the cameras.

This is unforgivable — or, to use a favorite Romney word, immoral.

We cats repeat: If you want to help victims of the superstorm, give money or give blood. And vote Democratic on Tuesday.

The Other Gore