Kevin Lets The Cat Out Of The Bag

Boy, if this guy is going to be the next Speaker of the House, he sure is a boob. An inadvertently helpful boob, but still a boob. And — "untrustable"? What an interesting (non-)word. We cats PURR and HISS at the same time.

Popes Meet With All Sorts Of Horrible People

By Baxter

Kim Davis's "lawyer," a Bible-thumping geek named "Mat" Staver, says that Kim and her "Hee-Haw" refugee husband secretly met with Pope Francis in Washington. Is it true? The Vatican isn't saying, which is interesting. But if they did fly out to see Frankie, we hope that Joe Davis dressed better than this.

We've also noticed that Staver is claiming the Frankie-Kimmie encounter occurred on the first leg of the Pope's trip. That, too, is interesting, since for the rest of his visit Francis was not exactly holding back on subjects like climate change, immigration and the death penalty. Yet, despite an alleged hush-hush confab with Davis, his remarks about marriage and the family remained much more nuanced. Chalk one more up for Frankie as canny politician. (And the Freepers must be furious.)

Well, we're sure "The Vat Pack" is hard on the heels of this story. Until we hear more, we'll have no further comment beyond bending a few lyrics from an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical about another famous Argentine: "Things aren't all that bad, she met with the Pope / She got a papal decoration and a kindly word / We wouldn't say that Frank gave Kim Davis the bird / But the Rowan County-Vatican axis hasn't much hope." We cats PURR.

UPDATE: A Vatican spokesman has caved and confirmed the Frankie-Fatso meeting, saying cryptically, "I do not deny that the meeting took place, but I have no comments to add." That falls somewhere between a weak-smile endorsement and a brush-off. Hm!

Pink Day

By Sniffles

Okay, now that we've taken Cecile Richards to task for not having all her facts at her fingertips this morning, we'd like to remind everyone of two things: 1) The Republicans are horrible, and 2) today is Planned Parenthood's National Pink Out Day.

Are we frustrated that anti-choice knaves and fools pulled the wool over Planned Parenthood's eyes? Yes. Is it infuriating that this latest O'Keefian caper has given women-haters on the right fact-bending frothing points? Absolutely. (We're looking at you, Carly Fiorina.) Is it maddening that the villains who oppose women's reproductive rights are almost always men? You bet. So here's a handy way to deal with all that: Give money to Planned Parenthood.

Oh, and write your Congressman. Unless, of course, you enjoy the spectacle of the GOP committing political suicide over an organization that 69 percent of Americans support. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Try to get pinker than this!)

Bad Days

By Miss Kubelik

When it comes to today's Planned Parenthood hearing farce by the House Oversight Committee, we cats are finding plenty of disgust to go around.

Browbeater Jason Chaffetz embarrassed himself with the Rick Lazio Performance of 2015, interrupting Planned Parenthood of America President Cecile Richards so often that he made Chris Matthews look catatonic.

But that was just the beginning. GOP members in the past have humiliated themselves with a lack of knowledge of female anatomy. This morning, they're demonstrating their ignorance in interesting new ways. The at-large Congresswoman from Wyoming pressed Richards on how many "mammogram machines" her clinics had.  Not only does this Republican need a new hairdresser, she must have a lesson in why PPFA, in the interest of smarter, cost-effective care, provides referrals for screenings rather than offering the imaging services themselves. But should we be surprised that the House Republican caucus, which has voted to repeal the ACA upward of 50 times, doesn't understand how healthcare works?

At the same time, however, we cats are displeased that Richards could not give direct answers when Mad Dog Chaffetz went after her salary. "I don't have the figures with me," she said. Why not???? After everything you've been  through, Cecile, you weren't ready for that? Inexcusable. We cats HISS.

Happy Days

By Zamboni

Republican World sure is an unpleasant place, isn't it? Goodness gracious, when they aren't calling Obamacare the worst thing than slavery, or making up stories about brain-harvested fetuses, they're saying rude and nasty things about just about every ethnic or religious group under the sun. It's gotten so bad that now John "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" Boehner is celebrating his imminent departure from the dark pit of Washington and warning about "false prophets."

Jeez, we thought everyone was supposed to be feeling good: The Pope was just here! But now that Francis is wheels-up, it hasn't taken the GOP long to get back to their fighting and demonizing and whining and grousing. Call us crazy, but we're having a hard time seeing how a party full of angry haters is going to inspire voters next year.

So, at the end of an eventful and very strange week, we cats are looking for anything that might get us in a better mood than the GOP's. And you know what? There's a lot: Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, more than 17 million Americans who used to scrape by without health coverage can breathe easier now. Gay people are getting married across the country whether Kim Davis likes it or not. Gas prices are even lower than Newt Gingrich promised they would be if Republicans won in 2012. And the Supreme Court may take up a Texas abortion case this term.

Why is that last item such a picker-upper? Because it reminded us cats of how much better life can be when Democrats are in charge.

See, the Texas case involves restrictive building standards and admitting privileges — just the kind of bogus rules that regulation-hating Republicans tried to slap on abortion clinics here in Virginia. Heck, Ken "A Fetus Should Be Trevor Noah's First Guest on the New 'Daily Show'" Cuccinelli personally terrorized the Virginia Board of Health to enact crap like that when he was our state attorney general.

Well, guess what? Terry McAuliffe is in the Governor's mansion now — having sent the Cootch out of politics (we hope) for good — and the Board of Health has rolled those restrictions back.

This is why we cats went door-to-door for Terry, Ralph Northam and Mark Herring back in 2013. How nice to know that we didn't give up those lovely weekend afternoons for nothing. And that makes us PURR.

"Less" May Be More, But Not In This Case

By Baxter

Hot on the heels of Ben Carson not knowing a "tenet" from a "tenant," now we have talk-show hater Mark Levin flunking the grammar test.

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, Levin has said, is "Eric Cantor with 10 less IQ points."

Of course he means 10 "fewer," but there you go.

Memo to Bobby Jindal: The Republicans are, indeed, The Stupid Party. We cats HISS.

It's So Nice To Have Good-Looking People Representing America

We cats PURR.

Worst Speaker Ever Checks Out

By Sniffles

We cats hate to be ungracious about this, but as we all finally understand why John Boehner was blubbering so much yesterday, it really is hard to salute his "sacrifice" to avert a government shutdown.

(And yes, the teabags will eventually figure out that Boehner jumping ship means their Planned Parenthood revolt is toast. But anyway.)

Our point is, Boehner falling on his sword is hardly a "sacrifice" when you take stock of how much his incompetence has harmed the country these last four years. How much did the 2013 shutdown cost? Standard & Poor's says $24 billion. We think John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and the other members of their hapless "leadership" teams should start paying that money back, like today.

But Boehner was the worst of them all. Not only did he never have control of his caucus, he couldn't even count. In short, he's no Nancy Pelosi. This is the disgusting result of what happens when people who don't believe in government are elected to run it. And it makes us HISS.

Frankie Threads The Needle

By Miss Kubelik

So we've gone from having Catholic bishops scold the 2004 Democratic nominee for President for his support for women's reproductive rights to Pope Francis making a special point of shaking John Kerry's hand before his big speech to Congress today.

And how interesting that Supreme Court Justices Scalia and Alito skipped the Frankie Fest this morning. What's that about?

Because although he was pretty darn clear about the evils of polarization and xeonophobia, Frankie re-impressed us as a guy who really knows how to walk a tightrope. Goodness gracious, both sides on the abortion debate could claim his statement to "defend life at every stage of development" as their own. After all, why have children be born if you're going to cut off every means of support and paths to opportunity once they're in the world? And even his comments on marriage equality could, if you stop and look at them long enough, be taken either way.

But rest assured that we cats are not expecting this Pope — or any Pope — to get progressive on lady parts and gay folks. We're just choosing to overlook all that because if we don't save the planet, there won't be any uteruses or gay marriages to worry about come 2050 or so.

Meanwhile, oh goodness, we hope John Boehner had a handful of handkerchiefs in his breast pocket today. The worst-ever Speaker of the House was a sodden, soggy mess. Vice President Biden, meanwhile, handled everything like a champ. And we're glad that the Notorious RBG had the opportunity to grab another cat nap. That makes us PURR.

The Big Tenet

See if you can spot the flubs in Ben Carson's completely lame Facebook post, where he desperately tries to walk back his bigoted remarks about whether a Muslim should be President:

"I could never support a candidate for President of the United States that [sic] was a Muslim and had not renounced the central tenant [sic] of Islam: Sharia Law."

And people let this guy operate on them? Goodness gracious. We cats HISS.

A Star Is Born

By Zamboni

We have a breakthrough celebrity in America tonight, and — what do you know? Her name is Cruz!

But our right-wing friends over at Free Republic aren't crazy for this particular Cruz. Why? Because this morning, five-year-old Sofia crashed Pope Frankie's security cordon (okay, the Pope gestured for the Secret Service to bring her over), after which she gave him a letter asking for help with immigration reform.

Later, we cats saw Sofia Cruz on TV and she managed to be totally adorable — despite living in fear every day that Donald Trump and Steve King and the other haters in the Republican Party will send her undocumented parents away.

We cats just melted at all this, which meant, we knew, that the Freeps would be furious. And indeed they were:

"It’s ‘for the children.’ Puke."

"Yeah.. I’m sure THAT was spontaneous."

"I thought it looked staged, to get positive publicity for invaders."

"Francis is a immoral coward. And a socialist."

"The pope has sold himself out to naked partisan political interests."

"Who cares what this little girl had to say? She's a little girl."

Hm. Have the Freepers forgotten that famous Jesus command, "Suffer the little children to come unto me, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them"? Or that thing he said about the mouths of babes? We cats HISS.

The Cat In The Hat

We cats were totally thinking Donald Trump or Kim Davis for a Halloween costume — you know, a buffoon with bad hair — but thanks to today's Pope Frankie kickoff, now we're leaning toward Roman and regal.

And yes, Your Holiness, please respond to Change.org's petition and bless our shabby and embarrassing Washington Metro. Maybe it's the only way we'll get the escalators fixed. We cats PURR.

Beer, Brats and Schadenfreude

By Baxter

We cats feel like having a Wisconsin-themed party tonight. Where did we put that cheesehead?

That's because the cross-eyed college dropout from the Badger State is apparently dropping out again — this time, from the 2016 Republican clown car. Vaya con Dios, Scooter-Pie, we hardly knew ye.

Walker was a victim of Donald Trump, yes, but also of himself. He could get away with busting unions, demonizing teachers and taking healthcare away from women back home. But when it came to connecting nationally, he fell flat on his stupid face. And the fact that one of his biggest donors publicly signaled that he'd jump ship — wearing several life vests, but not a single one imprinted S.S. Walker — was huge.

Ah, well. Looks like America is going to miss out on having a First Lady called "Tonette." We just have two questions: Will anyone remember that Walker always claimed to be his own best political guru? And will anyone ask Joni Ernst how she feels since she wasted all that time with Walker on her silly Iowa "Roast n' Ride"? We cats PURR.

A Teeny Tiny, Eensty-Weensty Tent

By Sniffles

Was Rancid Pieface on the Sunday shows today? If not, why not? Why wouldn't he want to brag about that fabulous Wednesday night debate and crow about how it settled the 2016 Republican field? Whoops! Well, we cats think we know the answer to that.

So instead, America was treated today to Dr. Ben Carson, who just flat-out said that a Muslim should never be President. (Hm. We bet people once said that about a black man, too. But anyway.)

So, add Muslims to the list of groups that the Republican Party has managed to alienate, and not just because of Carson. Donald Trump didn't much distinguish himself on Thursday when he failed to repudiate a teabag who trashed Muslims in a New Hampshire town hall.

Yes, dear readers, the list of people offended by the GOP is long indeed. Check it out:

They've turned off women with their rabid anti-choice positions (and with the upcoming Planned Parenthood government shutdown). They've alienated African Americans with their voting rights restrictions, their love for the Confederate flag and their hatred of everything Obama. They've repulsed Hispanics and gays with... well, you name it. They've ticked off environmentalists and scientists with their rejection of basic fact, teachers with their desire to punch them in the face, Asians with their anchor-baby garbage, and nine million Americans who finally have health insurance but who would lose it if the GOP gets its way.

And did any Republican leader call out professional hater Ann Coulter for her "f---ing Jews" tweet?

So, who's left? Not many folks that we can count. The Republican Party is just a bunch of teabaggers, evangelicals, flat-taxers, science deniers, paranoid conspiracy buffs, and the Merlot-sipping, Washington-based establishment snobs who may finally be realizing they can't keep the crazies in check. We cats PURR.

We Hate To Say It, But The Pope Should Probably Give Us More Of A Thumbs-Down

By Miss Kubelik

We cats think it's about damn time for the Pope to visit America and knock some sense into us. Aside from that awful day in June when "Dylann" Roof was gunning down nine black churchgoers in South Carolina, we can't imagine a more racist week than the one we just passed.

Shall we recap? We started out by being bombarded — in the midst of Rosh Hashana, no less — with tweets by the execrable Ann Coulter, frothing about the "f---ing Jews."

Then a 14-year-old kid in Texas gets freaking arrested — with handcuffs and all — for bringing a homemade clock to school. See, since the kid in question is a Muslim, the clock must have been a bomb.

Then the Republican clown car holds a debate on Wednesday night in which they do practically nothing except slam brown-skinned immigrants. The next night, Donald Trump refuses to shut down a teabagger who hijacks his town hall by saying, "We have a problem in this country. It's called Muslims. You know our current President is one. You know he’s not even an American."

Then the clown car spends Friday trying to decide if Trump did the right or the wrong thing by not calling the hater out.

And of course, Kim Davis in Kentucky is still trying to have her wedding cake and eat it too on same-sex marriage. (Memo to Judge Bunning: Time to haul this bigoted cow back to the hoosegow.)

Yep, Pope Francis's visit to the US could not be more expertly timed. Let's hope that the Vicar of Christ looks out over the Mall in Washington, takes in the majesty of the capital of the most powerful and affluent country in the world, and bitch-slaps us all to Hell. Republicans first, though. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Frankie in Cuba. Dios mio! What fun!)

Canadians Just Want To Sing

Yesterday was Canada's big cross-country sing-along of "Harperman." Here's the gang that showed up in Montreal, but there were sing-alongs in Ottawa, London, Vancouver, Toronto, Thunder Bay and more — some with new lyrics. Click here, but beware — you'll have that song in your head for the rest of the day!

There's Another Debate In Canada Tonight

Stephen Harper thinks he's going to get a break because Canada has a surplus. Do you know why Canada has a surplus? Because it's cut basic services to the poor and the populations whose success are essential to the country's overall prosperity.

Please, Canadians, don't let Harper's love for people who are only like him fool you. When all Canadians prosper, Canada does, too. We cats PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: The People Who Fought Under This Flag Defended Slavery

By Zamboni

We cats don't have to visit our friends over at Free Republic or other right-wing sites to know that they're going simply bat-crap crazy over the 23 teenagers who were suspended today from a Christianburg, Virginia, high school for violating the institutional dress code.

In short, they wore stuff with the Confederate battle flag on it. OMG, we can hear the Freepers screaming now, free speech, free speech!

Ya know what? We cats are unimpressed. First, because the school in question has a history of racial incidents, and the administration has tried to keep further tensions in check by banning dumb T-shirts and teabaggy hats and the like. Their goal: Discouraging attire that would "reflect adversely on persons due to race." Fair enough.

But the Dixie flag-bearers totally lose us when they try to claim, as one student did, that "the [Confederate] flag is not racist."

Oh, really? Well, then — since we cats are sure you young Christianburg kiddies are learning American history as part of your curriculum — let us remind you of what Confederate Vice President Alexander Stephens said about secession:

"Our new Government is founded upon...the great truth that the Negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery, subordination to the superior race, is his natural and normal condition."

Sorry, kids. That flag is totally racist. And our country will be better when it's relegated to museums and classic Hollywood movies. (We still think the famous tracking shot from Gone With The Wind is goosebump-raising. And we are Union stalwarts.) We cats HISS.

Jade Helm Had Nothing On This

By Baxter

To live your life as a dedicated teabag and faithful commenter on Free Republic, you must spend all your energy on the belief that the Republican Party is out to get your guy (or gal). In their view, Rancid Pieface, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner and the GOP establishment will use every trick in the book to minimize, discredit and undermine teabag heroes from Sarah Palin to Ted Cruz to — now — Donald Trump.

Oh, and did we mention that the media are complicit? They are. (Jake Tapper, take a bow.)

We know this conspiracy mindset is still raging because we checked on the Freepers this morning. We wanted to see their reactions to the negative coverage The Donald earned at last night's clown-car debate.

"Trump takes a hit"? No way! insist the Freeps. "Who needs Candy Crowley when you can sic 10 Republicans on Trump and they eagerly comply?" screams one. "Except for Trump, [they] reeked the normal political speech and was [sic] so fake," bleated another. Observed a third, "One can’t help noticing that Time magazine — not exactly a conservative bastion — has 67% believing that Trump won."

And Carly Fiorina, the debate's alleged big winner? Simply the latest tool of the establishment GOP to take The Donald down. "Three hours of smug, stink eye from Fiorina," fulminate the Freeps. "She has no humor is pushy and a self promoter." "She looks like she is angry all the time." "She reminds me of every bad, overbearing, cruel female boss I’ve ever worked for." (Ouch!)

Sometime in the coming days we want someone to explain that bizarre baby-on-the-table story that Fiorina told. In the meantime, rest assured that last night's shenanigans did nothing to either lift Jeb! Bush's fortunes or unite the party with the haters it keeps trying to coddle. As one Freeper rather ungrammatically put it: "These debates are a joke. The GOP doesn't want to solve any issues just to get what they want: control of who will be the nominee. DO NOT SUPPORT THE GOP OR DONATE TO THEM." We cats PURR.

In Defense of "Political Correctness"

By Sniffles

We cats have just about had it up to here with attacks on "political correctness." As if respect for others is bad.

Let's briefly recap: On the 2016 Republican clown car side of things, Freepers, right wingers and other resentful folk are impugning "political correctness" as a scourge on American society. They are emboldened by Donald Trump, who has decided to single out "PC behavior" to excuse his hateful, xenophobic language about people whose only sin is to want to come to America so they can participate in our freedom and economic opportunity.

Now, President Obama has weighed in, declaring that universities should not ban conservative arguments from campuses in order to ensure that students are exposed to all points of view — and that they have the chance to debate them in their classes. This, we cats agree, is a good thing.

What we object to is a university inviting, say, a speaker like Condoleezza Rice to a commencement ceremony. The import of that speaking event, we believe, confers the impression that the university agrees with her world view and wishes to share it with the student body at large. That, we think, is a totally different animal.

So — where does that leave us on the burning question of PC? Simply that we cats believe that respect for people who are not like us is never a mistake. In short, it's a question of etiquette, not politics. Visit Miss Manners for more information. We cats PURR.

Francis, Not Planning To "Speak American"

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are wondering how often — throughout his long Catholic life — Rick Santorum has cut his various Popes some slack for, say, exclusively speaking Italian.

Santorum is 57, which means that his existence on this planet has coincided with the papacies of John XXIII, Paul VI, John Paul I, John Paul II, Benedict and Francis. None of these guys grew up speaking English, although a couple of them were competent in it.

So, did that make them lesser human beings? Surely not. (How can a Pope, after all, fall into that category? Isn't he infallible?)

We cats only ask this because it turns out that when Pope Francis visits the US next week, he'll deliver the majority of his speeches in Spanish. OMG, OMG, OMG!! Is Francis not welcome here now? Should he go back to Univision? But — John Boehner invited him to come! Will Sarah Palin and Donald Trump and the teabaggers try to drive him out of the country? He's speaking Spanish!

As we've pointed out before, we're loving the turmoil that Trump is sowing in the Republican Party. But it doesn't mean we aren't disturbed by the intolerance, xenophobia and downright hate that we've seen, both at Trump rallies and other Republican events of note.

Here's hoping that Francis is able to bitch-slap America into a more forgiving mindset. Meanwhile, although we're planning to avoid downtown DC at all costs on the day he visits, we cats wish Francis great anti-Republican success, and fabulous PR — and we PURR.

(IMAGE: Frankie and Barack, BFFs.)

Lest We Furr-get: He-Man

By Zamboni

Between the 2016 clown car and the pending shutdown of the federal government, the bad behavior on the Republican side of life was starting to get so dismal that we cats thought we were going to have to resort to a red panda post for a pick-me-up.

And then we saw another critter reference today that made us smile instead.

Check this out. It's a lovely trip down Memory Lane about a time in Jeb! Bush's life when he got fatally skewered at a debate. Okay, it was 20 years ago, but it's still fun.

Jeb! was running for Florida Governor for the first time — the race he didn't win — and was trying to imply that the incumbent, Democrat Lawton Chiles, was washed up. New blood was needed. But in their debate, Sly Lawton answered the young Bushie carpetbagger the best way a seasoned Floridian knew: "The old he-coon," Chiles warned, "walks just before the light of day."

"Jeb! was speechless," said one of his advisers. "He didn't know how to respond. At that moment, Lawton Chiles defeated Jeb! Bush."

Fast-forward to the present: Today's "debates" are not really debates. We cats suspect that the only real political face-off was the first one, Kennedy vs. Nixon, because it had never been done before. But once they were revived in 1976, debates became silly. That's why we're going to treat Wednesday night's sideshow like the Oscars, and refuse to waste precious hours on it when we can read the recap in three minutes the next morning.

Still and all, we know that every now and then, a "he-coon" moment can happen. We hope that Lawton Chiles will be looking down from wherever he is on Wednesday, and maybe throw some pixie dust on the clown car passengers for good mischief's sake. We cats PURR.

The Boys In The Band

By Baxter

So there was this big football game in Iowa yesterday and lots of tailgate parties, and Donald Trump showed up, spoke for a minute and was mobbed by his fans — embarrassingly upstaging other passengers in the 2016 GOP clown car, like the cross-eyed college dropout from Wisconsin.

While we cats love the chaos that Trump has thrown the Republican race into, we can't help but look at yesterday's reports from Ames and say, hm.

See, we've noticed over time that Donald is tapping into more than just the angry teabags who despise Barack Obama and all other Americans who are not like them. He's also channeling the Republican base's inner 15-year-old boy.

"That was better than the game!" shouted one Trump fan after The Donald's all-too-brief speech. "That guy's worth a billion dollars!" screamed another. "Donald, you rock!" "Donald, I'm wearing your hat!" and "I shook his hand!" also pierced the lately-graced-by-the-candidate air.

Gee, isn't it enough that all our Hollywood movies are aimed at this demographic? Do we have to hand over our Presidential politics, too?

We cats hate to sound like a hopeful member of the Republican establishment, but we have to say we're not sure if these swooning boys are going to be there for The Donald come February 1. Iowa is a caucus state, which means you have invest a lot more time than just showing up to cast a ballot. We're picturing a lot of attention-span-challenged millennials who just won't have the patience to trudge out in zero-degree weather to a smelly local gymnasium for hours of caucusing. Just sayin'.

Who will benefit from that dedication on the GOP side, however, is yet to be seen. But whoever does will have to appeal to Republican grownups in the room as well — if, that is, there are any. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: "Why Didn't You Say That Earlier?" Edition

By Sniffles

By sheer coincidence, we cats are noticing in today's political world a series of missed opportunities. Read on and see if you agree.

Our 1988 Democratic nominee, Michael Dukakis, has joined a small chorus of voices defending Hillary Rodham Clinton's email habits and ridiculing the inside-the-Beltway hand-wringing. "You tell me of one person in Washington, of any prominence, who doesn't have a private email which he or she uses all the time and a private cellphone as well — I mean, this is absurd," Dukakis said. Our first thought was, well, of course. Our second thought was, gee, Mike, what took you so long?

Then there's Rick Perry, the first dropout from the GOP clown car, who apparently took his fellow Republicans to task for their hate-filled rhetoric today. "Demeaning people of Hispanic heritage is not just ignorant, it betrays the example of Christ," he said. A pretty powerful statement — but for heaven's sake, Rick, where were you when Willard Mitt Romney was talking about "self-deportation" and Steve King was accusing immigrants of having cantaloupe calves and Ken Cuccinelli was comparing them to rats? Too little, too late, Rick. We think Jesus would not be pleased.

Finally, there's the remarkable interview that Joe Biden gave Stephen Colbert last night. We've heard a number of pundits pronounce it one of the most heartfelt and authentic conversations a politician has ever publicly had. Knowing the Vice President as we do, we cats are not surprised. What disgusts us is the sudden affection that the media appear to feel for a man they've relentlessly made fun of for years. "He's so genuine!" they gush. "He's so honest!" What a bunch of insincere assholes. We cats HISS.

Let We Furr-get: 14 Years Ago, Who Was In Charge of Protecting America?

 By Miss Kubelik

On this anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terror attacks, we cats think it's worthwhile to remember the reaction of the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived when he was presented a month earlier with a PDB entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US."

"All right," he told the CIA briefer. "You've covered your ass now." And then he went fishing.

(IMAGE: Photos of the passengers and crew of United 93 at the newly opened memorial in Shanksville, Pennsylvania: Just 40 of the thousands of deaths the Bush Administration chose not to prevent. Why do they keep getting a pass on this?)

Marathon Ma'am

We cats were busy yesterday, but we didn't fail to notice that Queen Elizabeth leaped over a big Victorian hurdle at around 5:30 PM UK time.

When it comes to monarchs, we Democratic cats are essentially republicans (no pun intended). But if we had to have a Queen, paws down, we'd have Liz. She behaves a heckuva lot better than the current GOP field. And of course she makes us PURR.

(IMAGE: The Queen at work. Nope, that's not a laptop — it's one of her red boxes. She's paper-based and proud!)

Le Temps De S'en Aller

By Zamboni

While we cats were in Canada recently, several folks asked us about the 2016 Presidential election, and, specifically, if Donald Trump was — well, for real. These questions were always accompanied by a big eye-roll and a simultaneous look of terror.

We told each person that Donald Trump was the Republicans' problem, not ours, and that, in the meantime, we were enjoying the show. We also told them that the October 19 Canadian election was much more interesting to us. Which cued their eye-roll. After nine years, they said, Stephen Harper needed to get the boot.

Now we're wondering if it is indeed Harperman's time to go. Because recent polls may be showing a trend: Conservatives moving downward, Liberals moving up. The NDP is still in the lead, but only by a couple of points. Pundits have speculated that Harper's defensive response to this now-famous photo of a dead Syrian refugee boy helped kick off the anti-immigrant Tories' decline.

(That, and, oh by the way, the fact that Canada's in a recession now. We're still trying to figure out why all the Conservative campaign posters we saw said "Proven Leadership for a Strong Economy." What?)

So! This is starting to get more fun than a cross-country "Harperman" sing-along (if that's possible). In the meantime, we hope that all those Canadians who want Harper out will watch the numbers  — and when the last poll is released, vote strategically. If the Liberals are in the lead, go with them; if it's the NDP, ditto. The most important thing: Send Harper and his omnibus to Kokamo. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: It's too long — and disgusting — to explain, so click here instead. Let's just say that the Jerry Bance story could be more evidence that Stephen Harper's fortunes are going right down the toilet.)

An Eye For An Eye, A Tooth For A Tooth

By Baxter

Does Walter Palmer have any patients left? We guess we'll find out on Tuesday, when the reprehensible lion-killer says he'll be going back to the office.

The world's most hated dentist (and that's saying a lot) seems to think he can lie low for a month or so and that people will suddenly stop bothering him about his odious crime of offing Cecil the Lion. "If I had known this lion had a name and was important...obviously I wouldn't have taken it," he bleated.

"Taken." As if Palmer had picked Cecil off some shelf instead of making him suffer for 40 hours and then skinning him. We can't think of anything more horrible unless it's a double root canal without novocaine — a fate Palmer richly deserves. But Palmer defends himself by claiming his hunt was "legal."

Well, here's hoping that, as always, demonstrators show up at his practice tomorrow. And that somebody has a sign that says, "EVEN IF IT'S LEGAL, IT'S IMMORAL." We cats HISS.

Horizontal Stripes Are A Sin

And then there are these. Gosh, people are clever.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Labor Day Saturday Edition

By Sniffles

Happy Labor Day weekend! We cats are amusing ourselves in the country that Scott Walker wants to wall the US off from. But political stories from south of the border are still getting our attention. Here are a few.

We cats have never called Washington National Airport anything but Washington National Airport. (When we talk to the airlines, reps invariably say, "Oh, you're one of those.") So we're totally behind this petition drive to change its name back from... well, you know. And while they're at it, they can take this silly statue down, too.

The punditocracy is starting to pronounce Rick Perry dead. It's made us wonder how the coyote killer from the Lone Star State would be faring now if he had never made his two ill-advised runs for President. Think about it: He would never have made that immortal gaffe in the 2012 debate, so no one could accuse him of being Oops Man for the rest of his life. And he wouldn't have this year's utter, flailing failure hanging over him, either. (Trump is "a cancer on conservatism"? Please, how fake.) Instead, as a former long-serving Texas Governor, he could be respected — at least in Republican circles — and at the top of anybody's short list for VP. Oh, well!

We're not sure why Kim Davis's attorney, "Mat" Staver, should be listened to on the validity of the marriage licenses that Rowan County, Kentucky is issuing while she sits in the hoosegow. Staver was so shocked that the Republican-appointed federal judge Bunning sent her to jail in the first place, so what does he know? And besides, why wouldn't a deputy clerk's signature be as good? So we think Staver's trying to start a drumbeat for eliminating signatures altogether to get his bigoted client off the hook. By the way, is she still getting paid?

Finally, we cats are struck by the difference between the demonstrators outside the courthouse this week. The Kim Davis supporters spewed insults at both the happy gay couples obtaining their licenses and at Judge Bunning (that good Republican). The pro-marriage-equality demonstrators held signs that said "Love Wins." Who would you rather have a beer with? We cats PURR.

Off To The Big House

By Miss Kubelik

Wow! When we cats said Kim Davis should be hauled off to the hoosegow, we had no idea that US District Judge David L. Bunning — appointed by the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, by the way — would actually do it. We figured he'd slap her with a fine or something (or just slap her, which would be great).

But today, the multi-married county-clerk-who-won't-do-her-job was taken away to be fitted for an orange jumpsuit. Hope they have it in a size 18.

Of course, the only down side is that jail time will probably increase the asking price for her book-and-movie deal, but even if that comes to pass, we're rooting for an openly gay actress to play her. Maybe Rosie O'Donnell will be available.

Meanwhile, while Davis racks up the martyr points behind bars, we're wondering if, in her checkered past, she's ever asked for a court order against one of her many ex-husbands — say, a restraining order or an enforcement of child support — and if so, how she would have felt if the court had refused on the basis of religious convictions. Just sayin'. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: The ever-fabulous Hope Emerson and her girl prisoners in Caged [1950])

No Kind Of Hero

By Zamboni

A whole bunch of years ago in Miami, we cats were "invited" for possible federal jury duty. The case involved a Haitian who, we assume, had immigrated illegally. We never found out, because we were not selected. Why? Mostly because we objected to Haitians being turned away from the US while Cubans were welcomed with open arms — but also because cats, of course, can't serve on juries. However, the judge made it very clear during the selection screening that even if we disagreed with a law, as jurors we would be bound to enforce it. Or else.

We thought about that experience when we read the latest stories about the 21st century's George Wallace, the incredibly unattractive Kim Davis (who is, as Wallace was back then, a Democrat). We wonder why we as potential federal jurors would have had to send an immigrant back to Haiti while Davis, a Kentucky county clerk, thinks she can turn away same-sex couples for marriage licenses.

As a recent HBO mini-series reminds us, the law is the law. If you don't like the law, you work to change it. In the meantime, you must follow it. End of story. We cats HISS.

"God's Authority" Has Nothing To Do With Civil Law

By Baxter

Okay, we cats know that we have to bide our time until "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell gets hauled off to the hoosegow. But this time, the Supreme Court's on our side. So this inexplicably-oft-married dawg of a woman needs to get hauled off instead.

Do your job, Kim Davis. And if you can't, then quit. We cats HISS.

Pop Quiz

By Sniffles

It's time to give Republicans who are bleating about Mount Denali a William McKinley test — and see if they can pass it.

As in: When was McKinley born? What number President was he? What office did he hold before he was elected to the White House? Who was his running mate in 1896? In 1900? Who shot him, and when and where? What was the Spanish-American War all about?

Can you imagine, if Baby Russert or somebody else peppered John Boehner with those questions at his next press conference, what the result would be? We can.

William McKinley is known for exactly one thing: his assassination, which brought Teddy Roosevelt to the Presidency. That's it. We cats HISS.