Monday, September 1, 2014

Note To GOP: Next Time, Try Living Up To Your Campaign Slogan

By Sniffles

National elections almost never turn on foreign policy, but the Republicans sure are embarrassing themselves on the topic these days.

That's right, we said the Republicans. We know it's fashionable to criticize President Obama's responses to the current mess that the world is in, but in our view, the Grand Old Party is the one that we should all be glad is not in power at the moment.

As on so many other fronts, questions of foreign policy find today's GOP completely, almost unprecedentedly split. They're either the party of war ("bomb 'em, strafe 'em, boots-on-the-ground 'em"), or the party of Rand Paul ("don't get involved anywhere, and while we're at it, cut aid to Israel to zero"). When we cats watch this intraparty kerfuffle — and consider the roster of Republican fools who imagine themselves Presidential timber in 2016 — we'll take a "deliberative" Commander in Chief any day.

The saber rattlers have been getting the most headlines lately — and it's not hard to see why, since they're raising the specter of "another 9/11" to justify their noise. But if God forbid there were another 9/11, one thing is for sure: The GOP would never rally around the President the way Democrats did around the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived in 2001. In their book, even if America were under attack, hating Obama would still trump all. We cats HISS.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Suitability

It's the last day of August, so we cats are allowed to devote one more post to sartorial frippery before it's time to get serious again.

Therefore, we take this opportunity to remind the world that a certain object of Republican worship used to wear tan suits. A lot of tan suits.

So... how come tan suits were okay when "St. Ronald" wore them? We cats HISS.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

We LIKED The Tan Suit!

Of course, unlike us, the President can change out of his when summer's over. Happy Labor Day, everybody!

Friday, August 29, 2014

Holding His Nose — Holding The Bag?

By Zamboni

Jesse Benton thought that he could resign as Mitch McConnell's campaign manager on the Friday before Labor Day weekend, and that nobody would notice. Wrong! We intrepid cats were on the job so you wouldn't miss this.

We know we've been very focused on Transvaginal Bob McDonnell's corruption trial these last few weeks, but in the true spirit of Bob, this McConnell guy is just as scandalous. It's not cash-clothes-Rolexes-Ferraris for favors, but it's bribery all the same: paying an Iowa state senator to switch his 2012 endorsement from Crazy Lady Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul.

Everyone's focused on this as a McConnell story, and that's not incorrect. Mitch is already having a bad week, what with that Koch audio coming out and all. But Benton is the same guy who was caught a year ago, saying he'd have to "hold his nose" to work to re-elect Mitch. What people tend to forget is that he said he'd do it just because it would help Rand Paul. So this resignation is a Rand Paul story, too.

This lovely Jesse Benton person was Rand's campaign manager in his 2010 race for the Senate, so he was first in line to be Rand's right-hand man for a Presidential run in 2016. And now he's embroiled in bribery.

Now, mind you, Jesse's not been accused of a crime — yet. (He's just quitting.) We suggest that he dial up Transvaginal Bob and Maureen and ask them how they handled it when the FBI came a-knocking on their door. Ol' Jess will probably want to do things differently. We cats PURR.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

By Miss Kubelik

Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) is toddling off to Iowa and a couple of other early-primary states to speak on income inequality. And because it's August and there's nothing else to talk about, everyone is abuzz. Is Bernie running for President?

Now, we cats have already selected our candidate for 2016, and it's not Bernie Sanders. But we have a lovely little Bernie Sanders fantasy — one that will never happen, but which we love thinking about nevertheless.

Our fantasy is that Ralph Nader — who loves to say that Democrats are as terrible as Republicans are — gets so excited about the idea of Independent Bernie Sanders possibly landing in the White House that he offers an endorsement. And Bernie rejects it.

Wouldn't it be great? "I hereby reject Ralph Nader's endorsement because more than anybody else, it's Ralph Nader's fault that America is where it is. Barack Obama has spent the last several years trying to undo the damage that Ralph Nader helped make possible by tossing the 2000 election to George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. If you loved the 2008 financial meltdown, the lies about WMD in Iraq, and the Supreme Court's decisions on Hobby Lobby, the Voting Rights Act and Citizens United, you have Ralph Nader and his ridiculous 2000 ego trip to thank for it. Ralph Nader, take your endorsement and shove it."

Of course, it's a silly daydream. But we'd love it if it somehow came true. We still wouldn't vote for Bernie Sanders for President. But we'd definitely send him a mash note.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Bob Botches The Subjective-Objective Test — And We Object

By Baxter

"Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell said many things on the witness stand today that were like nails on a blackboard. But this might have been the worst:

"Is [Bill] Goodwin a personal friend?" the prosecutor asked, trying to figure out why Bob didn't officially disclose that a Richmond businessman took the McDonnells on a $23,000 vacation. Transvaginal Bob said yes.

"How many children does Mr. Goodwin have?" the prosecutor asked.

"I think he's got three children," Bob said.

"What are their names?"

Transvaginal Bob admitted he didn't know. "I don’t know the family. I knew he and his wife, Alice."

(Emphasis ours. We cats HISS.)

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Better Than The Ice Bucket Challenge



By Sniffles

We cats love the way DREAMers are starting to go up to Republican pooh-bahs and asking why they, the Republicans, want to deport them. First it was Steve King (who, ugh, complimented an Arizona State University graduate on her English) — and now, it's Paul Ryan.

Ryan ignored the DREAMers who confronted him at his stupid book signing. But we think this is a really good gig. In fact, we have a few suggestions for how members of groups that Republicans despise could carry it forward:
  • African Americans could approach Tom Corbett or Pat McCrory (or any other Republican Governor) and ask, "Why don't you want us to vote?"
  • A gay couple could write to RNC Chair Rancid Pieface and say, "Why don't you want us to get married?"
  • Black residents of Ferguson, Missouri, could walk up to pro-Darren-Wilson demonstrators and ask, "Why don't you want us to live?"
  • And, of course, a woman would go up to Transvaginal Bob McDonnell and ask, "Why did you want to stick me with an ultrasound probe?" 
We cats PURR.