Monday, March 18, 2024

Joe's Irish Ayes

A whole boatload of Kennedys turned up at the White House yesterday to help President Biden celebrate St. Patrick's Day. What a big NOPE to their silly brother, uncle and cousin, RFK Jr. We cats PURR.

Baths

By Sniffles

So the great Benedict Donald Bloodbath Brouhaha continues into its second day — third, if you count Saturday, when he made that awful speech in Dayton, Ohio. Jeez, Trumpsters are ruining baths now. Is nothing sacred?

As Casey Stengel would say, you could look it up — so we did. First, members of the media and the Twitterverse should learn that "bloodbath" is one word. Second, its principal definition is "a great slaughter." The definition "a major economic disaster" comes in third, usually with "market" preceding it. Nevertheless, Republicans and MAGAts are desperately trying to spin Trump's bloodbath remark as a reference to the auto industry, which, we shouldn't forget, Trump neglected during his term with a lot of empty promises.

They think this is going to fly because of Trump's habit of speaking like a mob boss (never quite explicitly saying what he means, but leaving it open for his loyal gangsters to interpret and carry out). But thanks to his obvious cognitive deterioration, Trump is no longer verbally adept enough to pull this off. His mind flits around like it never did before. Which means that his lack of specificity allows people to interpret it any way they want. (As did the Morning Schmoes, for example.)

And since Trump saluted the insurrectionists at the beginning of his show — even playing some January 6th bastardization of the national anthem — how does he deserve any benefit of the doubt? We cats HISS.

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Cat Lady Extraordinaire

 

Had your fill of St. Patrick? Take a moment to remember Gertrude, the patron saint of cats. It's her day, too! We cats PURR.

Friday, March 15, 2024

Veeps

By Hubie and Bertie

Our only problem with Mike Pence's repudiation of Benedict Donald today is that we're not sure that he represents anybody in the Republican Party anymore. The Nikki Haley voters who turned out in droves during the primaries? Yeah, we could see them mattering in the fall. But Pence? Who does he bring with him?

We're thinking, hmmm. Not really anybody. Maybe the tiny slice of evangelicals who have not sold their souls to Trump World — however many (or few) people that is. But aside from Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, we can't think of any Republican whose defiance of Donald would make a huge difference. (That said, we welcome Haley voters who might want to check that box for Biden-Harris in November.)

Unless... wait a sec. Is there a "Former Republican Vice Presidents Against Trump" club? We know one guy who would surely belong. But are any journalists planning to call Dan Quayle and ask for his opinion? We cats suggest they do, and we PURR.

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Things Are Looking Up

Yes, it looks like the Stormy Daniels Trump trial is going to be delayed, and everybody's annoyed. We don't really know why — the closer it gets to the Republican Convention, at which delegates will be bound to vote for Benedict Donald, the worst it has to be for the GOP, yes? Anyway, if you're vexed at the clunkiness of our legal system today, at least appreciate the fact that Peter Navarro will be officially hauled off to the hoosegow on Tuesday next week. We cats PURR.

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Buck Buckles

By Miss Kubelik

Another not-great week for the GOP and the Trumpsters, and it's only Tuesday. Republican Congressman Ken Buck of the fourth district of Colorado, already not running for re-election this year, will leave Congress effective Friday, March 22.

So many hilarious sides to this.

The first is that Buck gave Preacher of the House Mike Johnson about 30 minutes' notice via a message he left on Johnson's phone. (That'll teach you not to pick up, Mike.) Meanwhile, Johnson is claiming he was completely blindsided, and intends to chat with Buck about it. (That'll teach you not to listen to your voice mail, too!)

The second is that Governor Jared Polis, being a Democrat who believes in the process, decided not to play any games — like, say, Ron DeSantis did with Alcee Hastings's seat in Florida — and immediately set a date for the special election to replace Buck: June 25, same as primary day. Fun fact: Lauren Boebert, who intended to run in the CO-04 primary since she can't possibly win in the district she currently represents, would have to resign to run in the special. Members of Congress can't represent two districts at the same time — a rule that even guardrail-crashing Republicans haven't managed to break yet.

The third is Buck's withering commentary on Johnson's out-of-control House. This session, he said today, is "the worst...of the nine years and three months I've been in Congress." HAHAHAHAHA.

And the last is that Buck's departure shaves Johnson's majority down to 218, versus 213 for the Democrats. HAHAHAHAHA again.

One final, non-Ken-Buck thought before bedtime: We cats have never rushed to jump on the bash-Merrick-Garland bandwagon. There's too much stuff that all of us outside the Department of Justice don't know, and that's how it should be — mostly, to protect defendants' rights. But after the Robert Hur spectacle on Capitol Hill today, we have to say, Garland's decision to appoint Hur Special Counsel for the Biden documents investigation is something we just don't get.

We're glad the Democrats were able to embarrass Hur — and Trump, and the ridiculous House Republicans. So it all worked out in the end. But the crap we had to endure to get to this point? It makes us HISS.

Monday, March 11, 2024

Sending Our Thoughts And Prayers

By Zamboni

It's been both amusing and annoying to see tweeps and others scream that President Biden must immediately sack Attorney General Merrick Garland or change his 2024 running mate. Not only are both demands ridiculous, it's only eight months until November, for heaven's sake. Any major change — and we assume that means a replacement for outgoing HUD Secretary Marcia Fudge — will have to wait for next year.

But it's completely fun to watch what Benedict Donald and his merry band of traitorous minions, including daughter-in-law Lara Trump, are doing to the Republican National Committee right now. With Election Day right around the corner, they're staging an RNC "bloodbath" — firing 60 staffers and realigning the entire operation, apparently, to pay Trump's legal bills. The Trumpsters intend to completely merge the RNC's fundraising with theirs, a Republican-money version of The Fly.

And they'll kick out the door anyone who knows what they're doing in data (targeting and getting out the vote), communications (the folks who make all those campaign ads people see during football), and politics (strategizing, allocating resources, etc.). Although they swear that they'll be inviting people to reapply, don't believe it. We predict that to save money for Benedict Donald's ever-expanding legal woes, they won't replace all 60. (Under normal circumstances, new management would be hiring additional staff.)

Other than footing Trump's lawyer bills, their focus, we're sure, will be almost entirely on the Presidential race, and Republicans out in the states will have to fend for themselves. But the most alarming thing for the party? There's no time.

What's the planning for the convention? For security, hotel rooms, fundraising events? For big-donor care and feeding? Finding space at local airports for all those rich Republicans' private planes? And is it all on schedule? Or have they fired everybody working on that stuff?

George Conway may have put it best: "Total stable genius move to do this during a Presidential election cycle. No doubt that Lara will quickly replace the fired people with only the best people, as MAGA only attracts the best, and that fired staffers won’t be disgruntled and leak damaging stories to the press." We cats PURR.

Sunday, March 10, 2024

Nothing But Blue Skies Do We See

By Baxter

It was hard to imagine that our mood could get any better after President Biden's kick-ass State of the Union. We're still on a bit of a high from it. But if we're up, Katie Britt is down, down, down.

Independent journalist Jonathan Katz released a Tik-Tok video exposing a big Britt lie in her already-excoriated State of the Union Republican response: A sex-trafficking victim she linked to Biden's border policies actually was pressed into sexual slavery back when George W. Bush was President. And her ordeal took place in Mexico, not the United States. Even Fox "News" got in her face about it this morning. No doubt about it: Britt has turned herself into a joke — or at the very least, a meme, and she'll never be able to wear that green blouse again.

Here are some other examples of bad behavior that have failed to darken our post-SOTU mood:

GOP Congresswoman and perennial attention seeker Nancy Mace got in a huge cat fight with George Stephanopoulos today when he asked her how she, a rape victim, could support adjudicated molester Benedict Donald. Her overused go-to line: "You're trying to shame me, George!" Interestingly, Mace also didn't hesitate to shame or judge E. Jean Carroll for her own response to being raped (by Donald).

Journalists have acted up, too. After days and weeks of screaming along with the ridiculous Biden-is-too-old-and-can-still-step-down chorus, Ezra Klein has had the gall to write this: "If the Joe Biden who showed up to deliver the State of the Union address last week is the Joe Biden who shows up for the rest of the campaign, you’re not going to have any more of those weak-kneed pundits suggesting he’s not up to running for re-election." Ezra — dude — you know we know, right?

Finally, now that Biden has scuttled the Republicans' wild claims about his feebleness, they're turning to two new, desperate tacks: He must have been on drugs! And he should replace Vice President Harris with Nikki Haley as his running mate! The only thing more ridiculous than that idea — see the photo above, if you don't believe us — is anybody spending any time on it at all. We cats HISS.

Friday, March 8, 2024

No One's In The Kitchen With Katie

By Sniffles

Transvaginal Bob McDonnell, wherever he is today, must be really annoyed. When he gave the Republican response to the State of the Union address back in 2010, he fell pretty flat — but good God, if he was uninspired, at least he was normal. Not like the goofy gopher Bobby Jindal, or the overrated and ever-thirsty Baby Marco Rubio. And certainly not like whatever it was we all saw from Alabama Senator Katie Britt last night.

As one tweep we follow observed, before Thursday night, we didn't really know much about Katie Britt — and how dearly we would like to return to those halcyon days. We knew that Alabama had gone big-time downhill in its Senate representation recently, but between Katie and Tommy Tuberville, what a shock. Why was her voice so breathy? Why was she in Handmaid's Tale green? Why was she in a kitchen? Why was there nothing in that kitchen? WTF is going on?

Republicans are in a state, too. In real time last night, party leaders were calling and texting one another and screaming. "Everyone’s fucking losing it," one said. "It’s one of our biggest disasters ever."

We cats will spare you the original Britt video, because it's beyond cringeworthy. Instead, enjoy these reactions from The View. And gosh, what a night for Democrats — not only did Dark Brandon rule in the State of the Union, but the Republican response crashing and burning in such dramatic fashion? Icing on the cake. (Which is maybe a very kitchen-oriented metaphor.) Transvaginal Bob, please try to control your frustration. We cats PURR.

State Of The Union? Strong.

By Hubie and Bertie

So yeah, President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.'s State of the Union address last night was the bee's knees.

We've always had faith in Dark Brandon, so we weren't really surprised — but it was a delight nonetheless. He started out Biden-tough, citing FDR and No Ordinary Time, and got even stronger as the speech went on. Then he hung around for more than a half hour afterward, mingling with members and staff and getting caught saying amusing things on hot mics. His detail were allegedly looking at their watches, trying to move him along. Sorry, guys — he's POTUS, suck it up.

He clearly was having a marvelous time — like the Von Trapp kids frolicking in those window-curtain playclothes that Fräulein Maria made for them — and boy, did MAGA world get pissed about that. "They fumed, they pouted, they squirmed, and like Mike Johnson, they sat silently when Biden was talking about...anything good about America or the positive progress this country has made," says Mary Trump. And today, since their feeble-Biden narrative has fallen completely apart, they've resorted to saying that he was — wait for it — on drugs. (Every accusation is a confession.)

Ahead of the address, Trumpy nutcase Marjorie Taylor Greene threatened to heckle the President, and, inappropriately sporting a red MAGA cap, she did try to engage him on his walk down the aisle. But Biden short-circuited her by reacting, in the words of a particularly spot-on tweep, the way folks do with every trick-or-treater who shows up at their door. Our thought was: POTUS is a dad and a granddad, and boy, does he know how to handle toddlers.

So yes, there was heckling and backing-and-forthing. But the Republicans' bad behavior backfired on them in a significant way: It kept people watching. Most SOTUs are snoozefest laundry lists of accomplishments and proposals, which — we have to admit — even Bill Clinton couldn't pull off over 90 minutes without sending you at least once to the fridge or the bathroom. But the GOP's jibing and shouting, and Biden's gleeful engagement with it, meant that you just had to put off that trip to the litter box a little while longer. It was mesmerizing.

There were so many favorite moments, but one of the best had to be Joe's dressing-down of the Supreme Court. "In its decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court majority wrote the following," he said, "and with all due respect, justices, 'Women are not without electoral or political power.' You're about to realize just how much you got right about that." The room erupted, and Roberts, Biff and Gorsuch looked peeved. Good thing the execrable Samuel Alito wasn't there. President Obama freaked him out over Citizens United in 2010, and he hasn't attended another SOTU since. We cats PURR.