Friday, October 21, 2016

Losing Stamina

By Zamboni

Donald Trump likes to accuse Hillary Clinton of sleeping all the time. But after checking out his behavior at his Pennsylvania rallies this afternoon, we think Trump should take a few naps himself.

Today he was "subdued," "gloomy," "slowly plodding," and in "a dark funk." At one rally he actually talked about the possibility of defeat. Donald Trump is definitely not having fun any more.

So will he keep his promise to do three rallies a day, every day, until November 8? And if he does, will he get so tired and down that he'll really start to lose control — verbally, emotionally, physically? After mocking Clinton's pneumonia and making dark suggestions about her health, Trump on the brink of actual as well as political collapse would be a sight to see.

Or will it be just another pledge he reneges on — like vowing to compete hard in blue states like Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, California, Oregon and Washington?

We cats suggest that he sleep on it. In the meantime, we HISS.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Canada Shares The Love (And Politely Demurs On The Most Important Point)

By Sniffles

Does Donald Drumpf personify the most obnoxious American you've ever met? Quite possibly. He's rude, ignorant, a braggart, full of himself, and more than likely to lunge for your lips or your breasts or your billybush if he's just met you and you happen to be a woman.

But after months of vitriol, Drumpfian idiocy and Republican enabling of same, here comes a breath of fresh air from our Neighbor to the North. Out of the blue, like a maple-flavored, goose-down-clad flash mob, Canadians have taken to social media to console and assure us that everything's okay.

"Tell America It's Great" has already inspired tons of positive tweets in support of the land of E pluribus unum — citing classic American attributes like "Your incredible national pride," "Your desire to aid a world in crisis" and "Your drive to always lead the charge for change." "You have Oprah!" another tweeter enthused. And "Nobody does road trips, baseball parks, parades and fireworks better than the US," declared yet another.

Okay, as unsentimental as we are, we admit that these tweets make us a little misty-eyed. But more important, it's clear that all these nice Canadians know the truth: It is not America that has lost its mind — just one of its political parties.

Why else would they rush to reassure us that our institutions and our legacy won't be besmirched by the demagogic jackass that the Republicans have nominated this year? They don't make us all own this debacle. But we'd bet that if Canadians were less kind, and if someone started a hashtag "Tell Republicans They Suck," more than a few would be tempted to chime in.

But let's not end on a sour note. We cats don't know what will happen to the GOP in the coming weeks and months, but we do know that despite the antics of the Party of Lincoln's nominee, America will get through this. We're so grateful for neighbors who have our back. And we PURR.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Hillary Did Just Peachy-Dory In The Debate. Drumpf And The GOP, Not So Much.

By Baxter

So it's kind of a bad night for Ivanka Trump. Hours after her statement that Donald Drumpf would accept the election results if he loses, her daddy stepped up to the lectern at UNLV and pulled the rug out from under her.

Now Ivanka knows how Drumpf's hapless running mate feels.

Drumpf's disqualifying comment has also put establishment Republicans in a pretty pickle. What the heck do Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell do now? Can they possibly avoid the press for 20 days straight? It will be a sight to see.

And by the way, this was also not a great night for Barbara Comstock. The odious anti-choice Republican who is fighting for her political life in Virginia's 10th Congressional District was just handed a crap sandwich by her party's Presidential nominee. Drumpf equating women’s reproductive freedom with non-existent abortions that take place in the fourtth week of the ninth month? … Yeah, that'll play well with Comstock's suburban female constituents. We cats PURR.

P.S. If our headline puzzles you, click here.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

We're On The Lookout For Those Vote-Frauding Mexicans And Syrians

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are thrilled that President Obama has weighed in on Donald Drumpf's ridiculous bleatings about the election being "rigged." Statements from the Presidential bully pulpit are always welcome, particularly comments as withering as Obama's were today.

And how hilarious is it that Drumpf is threatening to send his merry band of frustrated-white-guy ne'er-do-wells out as vigilante poll watchers? One Ohio guy even told a reporter that he'd be watching for "Mexicans, Syrians and people who can't speak American." (WHUT?)

We have our doubts about whether the folks you see at Trump rallies will actually be able to rouse themselves to poll-watch — in the "inner cities" or anywhere else. The couch and the beer keg beckon, you know? But if Drumpf does manage to inspire 10,000 of his most devoted yahoos to try and intimidate our voters, it won't bother us.

Why? Because we can't imagine, say, an 80-year-old, 100-pound African-American grandmother being cowed by these guys — not after all the voter suppression crap she's seen over the years.

And maybe more important, that'll be 10,000 Trumpsters who'll be wasting their time standing guard over nothing instead of working on Republican GOTV — making phone calls, going door to door and driving folks to the polls. Sounds good to us! We cats PURR.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Good Money After Bad

By Zamboni

What's the best thing about the Donald Drumpf campaign insisting that it hasn't given up on Virginia and saying it will spend $2 million on advertising here?

We don't have a Senate race.

See, this is why we're so sure that Drumpf World doesn't know what it's doing. Wouldn't it be better for them if they allocated those bucks to states like Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Missouri, Nevada and Wisconsin, just to name a few? In other words, states with either highly endangered Republican Senate incumbents or a wildly competitive race for an open seat?

Sure it would. But we won't make a habit of advising them.

Hey, wait a minute — can they spend $4 million here? We cats PURR.


By Sniffles

Going into the 2016 general election, we all pretty much knew that Hillary Clinton would overwhelm Donald Drumpf in one particular category: her campaign surrogates.

President Obama, Vice President Biden, Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are just some of the people not also named Clinton who are out on the hustings for the Democratic ticket. And with last week's speech in New Hampshire, Michelle Obama has proven herself to be the classiest of all. (So good, in fact, that she's headed to Arizona on Thursday, a fact that we think is very fun.)

So, We're wondering: Who do the Republicans have, female-wise, who could possibly hope to answer Mrs. O? Is there anyone who could step up to the plate and respond for the women who somehow are inexplicably not repulsed by Drumpf's "grab 'em by the you-know-what" tape?

Melania Trump? Somehow we can't see her claiming the moral high ground — not just because she's the wronged party and rarely if ever ventures out in public (#Moose&Squirrel). Karen Pence? A cipher. The Republican girl Senators? Kelly Ayotte is kind of busy right now, falling off the tightrope she's been trying to walk in her New Hampshire re-election bid. Deb Fischer has proven herself to be a spineless hypocrite. Susan Collins? Oh, please, that voice. We'd rather listen to Moose&Squirrel.

That leaves us with — drum roll — the famous quitter from Alaska! But where is Sarah Palin? We've asked that question before, and we're still waiting for the answer. We cats HISS.

(PHOTO: Collier Schorr for The New York Times)

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Arson? We're Betting Hoax.

By Baxter

Gosh! Have things gotten so bad for the Republicans that they're firebombing their own campaign headquarters?

Seriously — you didn't think that "attack" on the GOP county office in North Carolina was real, did you? We Democrats don't know the first thing about explosive devices. Heck, we barely even own guns. And the "graffiti" scrawled on a nearby building — "Nazi Republicans, leave town or else" — was the stuff of bad movies.

Nope, it's pretty clear to us that this Trump HQ torching in a crucial swing state is fakefakefake — a 2016 version of Ashley Todd. All they need to keep their base riled up is a Trump-Pence volunteer to turn up with an "H" carved in her cheek.

We'll be the first to admit it if we're wrong, but right now this North Carolina incident smells like some Drumpf supporter's idea of a lefty hate crime. Sadly, real hate crimes are usually committed against people who agree with us, not them. We cats HISS.