Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Checking The Box(es)

By Sniffles

We cats are seeing no good VP choices for Donald Drumpf if he's seeking to dig himself out of the electoral hole he's in.

The dilemma facing Drumpf — and one which we're sure his "veep searcher," the idiot known as Ben Carson, has absolutely no idea how to solve — is this: How does he flip 80 or so electoral votes in his direction, without losing any at the same time?

Does he go for geography? For example, do John Kasich or Rob Portman deliver Ohio? Can Rick "First Martian Governor" Scott or Baby Marco Rubio give him Florida? Can Joni Ernst guarantee Iowa, or Scott Walker Wisconsin? What about Susana Martinez in New Mexico?

The problem with this approach is that most of the likely names have already spewed harsh criticism of the GOP's presumptive nominee. And it's hard to see how a geographic selection can flip more than one or two states. So Drumpf is still in a hole.

The next logical place to go: Voter blocs he's going to need. So if he wanted to appeal to women, he could choose Ernst, Nikki Haley, Kelly Ayotte, Martinez, the famous quitter from Alaska or Marsha Blackburn. Or Tim Scott, to appeal to "the blacks." Or Martinez, Rubio or Brian Sandoval for Hispanics. Et cetera.

But what about trying to find someone with military or foreign policy gravitas? Jeff Sessions? A general? Military veteran Ernst? Foreign policy committee member Ayotte?

Finally, you need to add the fact that you don't want to lose a seat in an already imperiled Republican Senate. So you see how complex this puzzle can get.

So, while we cats are pulling for Newt Gingrich — not just because he's repulsively campaigning for it, but because we're dying for someone to ask him about the price of gas — we're wondering if Drumpf is going to choose Ernst. She checks the female, flippable-state, Senate-seat-not-up-this-year and military boxes. And she would help with the hard-core anti-choicers, too.

But will a veep hunt headed by Clueless Carson make a methodical pick? Not. Ben Carson may be a pediatric neurosurgeon, but he's also a fool. Which makes us PURR.

Feeling Expansive

By Baxter

The New York Times has a very interesting electoral map on its website today. Now, we cats realize it's only May and that things could change. But goodness gracious, we'll take it: Hillary Clinton, 347 electoral votes; Donald Drumpf, 191.

And yes, the Times speculates on other map scenarios if Drumpf were able to improve his polling by, say, five to 10 points. But applying our rule o' thumb (or paw, since we don't have thumbs), we cats still say oh, wow — we'd way rather be Us than Them.

In fact, we're feeling a little greedy. In light of recent demographic changes, we're not quite ready to concede Georgia, Missouri, Indiana or Arizona to the GOP. And guess what? There's been one general election poll taken in Utah — and Clinton is ahead.

Moreover, we shouldn't be quick to abandon Arkansas, Hillary's erstwhile home state. And let's not forget the African-American vote in Mississippi.

But this is an excellent place to start. Which is no doubt why the Clinton campaign is quietly laying the groundwork in key states for the fall. We'd hope that any leading Democratic candidate would be doing the same, and we cats PURR.

Their Own Words

Well, that was fast. This Hillary ad uses footage not just from the Republican primaries but also from yesterday's amazing tirade against Donald Trump by Rafael Cruz, Jr. Oh, what fun they had in the editing room! We cats PURR.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Now, About That Kitchen — The One With All The Heat...

By Miss Kubelik

If we cats had had our druthers, we would have preferred some Republican other than Donald Trump to win Indiana tonight, just to keep things roiled up and raucous.

But, oh! — we couldn't have asked for a better way for Cruz to lose. Rafael Jr.'s tirade against Trump today was the stuff that Democratic dreams — and general-election ads — are made of. (Is that what Carly was thinking as she stood mutely by?)

So while we're happy with the cat fighting, we have to say that Cruz and Trump and all the other thin-skinned Republicans are total babies. Can you imagine how they'd react if they were relentlessly hounded by a well-funded political machine, a hostile opposition in Congress, and a slew of rabid media outlets, all of them throwing dirt and slime and outrageous accusations for 25 years? Talk about meltdowns. What we're obviously trying to say these GOP clowns would buckle under just a taste of what Hillary Clinton has had to put up with.

Seriously — if Hillary handled that crap as badly as Cruz did this afternoon, she would have had to hold a press conference like Cruz's twice a day, every day, since 1991. But Hillary is a grownup — like a lot of other women have had to be. We cats PURR.

UPDATE: We're seeing reports that Rafael Cruz, Jr. is dropping out of the race. Can't take it, Ted? What a wuss.

Monday, May 2, 2016

"Indiana Don't [sic] Want You"

By Zamboni

We cats know that Donald Trump has an 83 percent chance of winning Indiana tomorrow, and that Rafael Cruz, Jr. had a really suck-y day. But we still think it's possible that Trump will end up underperforming in Hoosier Country.

Why? Not because we think the whipper-snappers at have suddenly lost credibility, or that having a kid yell at you and voters question your citizenship to your face necessarily means that you're toast. It's just that we wonder how many of the lazy, beer-swilling, white-male trailer inhabitants who love Trump so much will actually make it to the polls.

Maybe they'll assume that the election's in the bag, and sleep in. Or maybe — no matter how many Trump rallies they've attended — they aren't actually registered. Or maybe they don't really care about politics, and have only shown up at rallies or counter-rallies to stand around with fellow white guys and shout for awhile. (Isn't that what the Ku Klux Klan did, when they weren't lynching black folks?)

Whatever the answer, we cats think that it's just possible that Donald's Hoosier numbers could end up in air-ball territory. Not enough to lose him the primary — but just enough to allow Rafael Cruz, Jr. to claim the mantle of the Comeback Kid. We cats wait, and we PURR.

UPDATE: Well, we were totally wrong on that, weren't we?


By Sniffles

From the What-You'd-Expect Department: Donald Trump sure is boasting a lot. Lately, he's been claiming that he's going to win in November even if the Republican Party is fractured (which it will be).

Nope, sorry. Despite Trump's crowing about all the white men he's allegedly driving to the GOP, the numerical odds dictate that he'd still need to win 70 percent of them to prevail in the fall. Daunting, to say the least.

Meanwhile, it is a truth universally acknowledged (and just discovered by the young Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post) that if Hillary Clinton wins Florida and the states that have voted Democratic since 1992, Donald Trump — or whoever the Republican nominee is — will be a... loser.

Cap it off by this smackdown poll of Hillary leading Trump and Cruz by 11-13 points in the Sunshine State and, we'd say, things look pretty good. (Yes, it's only May, but we'll take it.)

So, since Trump isn't exactly an expert on electoral politics, we cats are waiting for information that will convince us that he's a sure bet to beat Clinton in the general. We're talking actual proof here — in the form of poll numbers, demonstrable organizing activity, "hell-no" anti-Hillary declarations from key Democratic constituency groups, a sudden turnaround for Donald among Hispanic voters, pro-Trump editorials from the likes of The Tampa Bay Times, the Sun-Sentinel and the Gainesville Sun, etc. When stuff like that happens, we'll get worried.

Which is not to say that we're going to rest easy. Fear not: We'll be out there — registering voters, knocking on doors, driving people to the polls — because although we love chickens, we don't believe in counting them before they hatch. But what a great start! We cats PURR.

Friday, April 29, 2016


By Baxter

Gee, check this out: "Rep. Greg Walden, the House Republican campaign chief, is ruling out the possibility that a wave election this fall could wipe out the GOP's historic majority and hand Democrats control of the chamber."

Do you know what Republicans last summer were expecting today's headline to be? "GOP Aims To Grow House Majority Another 5-10 Seats." We're playing offense! Democrats are reeling! Retirements, retirements, retirements!

And now, here we are: presuming Republican losses. Maybe big Republican losses. We cats like the way this is trending, and we PURR.