Saturday, April 25, 2015

Freepers: Boxed In By Semantics

By Zamboni

We cats are wondering why, especially with an earthquake in Nepal and other problems raging in the world, we're all supposed to be enraptured with tonight's White House Correspondents' Dinner. We checked briefly on the dinner's "red carpet moments" and found that we didn't know who three-quarters of the scantily clad attendees were. Those folks wouldn't know a White House correspondent if they fell over one. Our condolences to President Obama for being obligated to attend Washington's silliest event.

But as long as the world is consumed with fluff and faux-celebrity, let's check on our right-wing friends over at Free Republic to see how they're handling America's newly famous transsexual, Bruce Jenner, and his declaration that he's a conservative Republican. (A far more shocking confession, in our book, than becoming a woman. Going girl, we understand. But why would anyone want to be a Republican?)

Unlike Jenner, who seems to know his own mind when it comes to gender identity, the Freepers are confused. Almost immediately, they descended into a tortured discussion about what Bruce meant when he said "conservative." Clearly they don't want to surrender their cherished adjective to a weird, maybe homo guy. So they're bending over backward to try to take it back.

And as always with our friends the Freeps, it's all very amusing. But we warn Bruce Jenner: Don't plan on making a speech at next year's Republican convention. Not when the GOP's whackjob base says things like this about you:

"This doesn’t exactly fill me with pride (to say the least)."

"From the cover of Wheaties to the cover of Fruit Loops."

"Regarding the man or woman thing, I believe he is nuts."

"A pear saying it is a broccoli is still a fruit."

"Choosing to self-mutilate the body God gave you is not a conservative value."

"Jenner and all like him/her/it are emotionally and mentally disturbed or outright insane. Nothing they claim or say should be taken seriously."

"When I think of Jenner I don’t thing conservative or liberal. I just think 'freak'!”

And here's our fave, bar none: "When is Bruce going to join Jeb on the campaign trail?" We cats PURR.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Tidbits And Cat Treats: GOP Homosexual Tendencies Edition

By Sniffles

Ah, those Republicans and their "gay" problems. Even though Rick Perry has tried to claim that the GOP is enduring a bunch of "gotcha" questions from the Christian-haters in the liberal media, the 2016 wannabes are still caught up in trying to out-Jindal one another. Here are a couple that have caught our eye lately.
First, we were wondering how were our friends over at Free Republic were reacting to Rafael Cruz's statement at a gay-hosted reception in New York that he would love his daughters even if they turned out to be lesbians. Unsurprisingly, their comments boiled down to this: "I would never not love her, but at the same time not agree with her choice [sic]." But, wait — what are two prominent gay businessmen doing, inviting Ted Cruz over in the first place?

Then we were wondering how the Freepers felt about Cruz missing that vote on Loretta Lynch. That one was a bit harder for them to excuse. Here's our fave: "VERY DISSAPOINTED [sic] IN TED! As a Texan I must ask him, had he been at the Alamo, would he have not fought till the end? VERY DISSAPOINTED [sic]!"

(So glad to see that those Texas schools are teaching spelling so well.)

Finally, as long as we're on the subject of crazy Republicans and the gay thing, we just have to say: Fat Mike Huckabee was never our favorite person. But at least he wasn't the utter whackjob that other passengers of the GOP clown car were. As Arkansas governor, he stepped up to the plate after Hurricane Katrina, and he commuted a lot of prison sentences. And since he had to deal with a Democratic legislature, he actually had to govern.

Now, though, obsessed with hating on homosexuals, Huckabee has gone totally off the deep end. (He must know that the Freepers don't cotton to him much.) Still, like Cruz, we cats expect he'll give the GOP establishment a lot of headaches in 2016. Which makes us PURR.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Ugh, Must Get Tim Walberg Off The Top Of The Blog. Here's Some Cute Red Panda!

"If Jesus Could Come Back Today And See Everything That's Being Done In His Name, He Would Never Stop Throwing Up"

By Baxter

So the Republican-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee has torpedoed a District of Columbia reproductive-rights/anti-workplace-discrimination law — partly because they are religious zealots, and partly because they love telling black people what they can and cannot do.

Mostly, though, they love bossing around women — no matter what color they are.

We cats don't usually sink to this level, but here we go. Take one look at committee member and right-wing GOP Jesus freak Tim Walberg, and you know that this is a guy who couldn't get a date in high school and has hated women ever since.

Attention, female voters of America: Remember this face in 2016. It is the face of a Republican Party that thinks you're all idiots. In the meantime, we cats dump our dirty litter boxes in Tim Walberg's underwear drawer. And we HISS.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

(Don't) Say A Little Prayer

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are not atheists — being cats, it's pretty hard for us to argue against the existence of a supreme being — but we were mighty pleased to learn that the Supreme Court of Canada recently told the city council of Saguenay, Quebec, to stop opening their meetings with a Catholic prayer.

The case dates back eight years and originated as a complaint filed by an atheist guy who teamed up with a secular group called le Mouvement Laique Quebecois — after which the mayor of Saguenay went nuts, ginning up a counter-campaign and insisting the prayers were just a celebration of the province's Roman Catholic heritage.

Gee, what does that sound like? Remind you of those yahoos in the American South who want to fly the Confederate battle flag everywhere? Or the teabags and crazies in the Republican Party who scream about their "religious freedoms" getting trampled all the time?

Now, we cats adore Quebec, but please. The court provided the true definition of religious freedom in its decision, which said: "The state's duty to protect every person's freedom of conscience and religion means that it may not use its powers in such a way as to promote the participation of certain believers or non-believers in public life to the detriment of others."

No pun intended, but we cats say amen to that. We've never understood why people can't "respect heritage" and, at the same time, refrain from inflicting individual religious beliefs or objectionable symbols on everybody else — especially when the state's involved. So, no prayers in Saguenay's city council. And although we know that some in the South consider it a religious symbol, no Confederate flags on state house grounds or license plates, either. We cats PURR.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Freepers Drop The Dropout

By Zamboni

One of the reasons we cats find the nation's progress on marriage equality so satisfying is that we know it's going to be the issue that wreaks havoc on the Republican Party in 2016.

(Well, sure, there will be other issues. But gosh! Practically all of the United States has moved forward on the idea of not discriminating against gay people. And there's the deeply Southern, Christian whackjob GOP base, just pounding each other to bits about it. Fun to watch.)

Just a few days ago, our right-wing friends over at Free Republic were raking Baby Marco Rubio over the coals for saying he'd consider going to a gay wedding if he was close to the couple involved. Now, they're freaking out over Scott Walker, who claims he's already attended a "reception" for a same-sex married couple. Here are just a few of their choice comments:

"I knew there was a reason I would never vote for him."

"I won’t vote for anyone who doesn’t see that attendance at one of these travesties is tantamount to approval. No exceptions."

"He has two strikes against him now. He is pro-amnesty and he is courting the homosexuals’ votes."

"It won’t surprise me Walker will be reading a speech in Spanish at La Raza six months from now."

"Maybe he’s tough on unions, but he sure doesn’t seem to give a damn on the Gay Mafia’s attempts to eradicate our religious freedoms."

So sorry, Scott — you may have just scooped up the evil Koch brothers' shadowy endorsement, but the Freepers have decided they hate you. Could be a problem. We cats PURR.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

A Quickie: John Kasich Said What?

By Sniffles

We cats have been wondering why passengers in the 2016 Republican clown car keep pointing out crap that has absolutely nothing to do with qualifying them for the White House.

Like Baby Marco Rubio, for example. So his dad was a bartender and his mother was a maid. That makes him Presidential material? We don't get it. Sure, Abraham Lincoln grew up poor and split rails — but Franklin D. Roosevelt was a child of privilege, and both were equally great Presidents. So we cats say, go take a hike, Baby Marco.

But the latest GOP goofball — and the one that we think really takes the cake — is John Kasich. Trying to decide whether to run, Kasich said, "The most important thing is, what does the Lord want me to do with my life?”
Sorry — no. Here's the most important thing: Why doesn't an idiotic statement like that immediately disqualify John Kasich for anything, let alone the Presidency? We cats HISS.