Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Farewell To A Failure And A Fraud

By Miss Kubelik

Paul Ryan has never held a job outside the public sector, which he is now leaving. We assume that he'll land cushily at some right-wing think tank, at which not much thinking will go on.

But at the moment Ryan is preparing his "farewell address" to the House of Representatives, over whose flip to Democratic control he presided as a lame-duck Speaker. It's hard to believe that anyone could make us long for the days of John Boehner, but Ryan pulled it off.

Mr. Ayn Rand has spent the last two years presiding over a ballooning deficit (now touching $779 billion) and busily not pushing back on Benedict Donald's perfidy and treason. He handed his party over to Trump in 2016 with barely a whimper, and it's gotten worse since. His silence about all the Trumpian outrages, punctuated by occasional bleats of feeble protest, makes us wonder how much NRA-laundered Russian money has filled campaign coffers. Not as much as that huge national deficit, but surely it's a lot.

For these and a million other reasons, we despise Paul Ryan as we loathe few other Republicans. He coasted along for years on a wholly undeserved reputation as a reasonable guy and a policy wonk, when in reality he was a far-right idealogue and a faux Catholic who never stopped trying to take safety-net support or healthcare away from his fellow Americans. Heck, even as the most important Republican in Congress, he couldn't save Wisconsin cheese. We cats won't miss him one iota, and we HISS.

Monday, December 17, 2018

FBI Guy Challenges House GOP To A Fight

By Zamboni

We cats generally greet any James Comey news item with a sigh and an eye roll. We'll never forget (or forgive) the fact that he stopped Hillary Clinton's momentum mere days before the 2016 election with another ridiculous email review.

Now he's decrying the Republicans' focus on emailsemailsemails, and obviously his protestations ring a little hollow. It's how we feel when we hear members of the mainstream GOP gnashing their teeth and hand-wringing over the Texas ruling on Obamacare. (You're so upset, don't bring the anti-ACA suit in the first place, you know?)

On the other hand, there are times when we're glad Comey's around. Like when he stopped Alberto Gonzales and Andrew Card from getting reauthorization for domestic surveillance from a hospitalized John Ashcroft in 2004. Or when he's letting Republicans have it after six hours of closed-door testimony today.

"At some point, someone has to stand up and face the fear of Fox News, fear of their base, fear of mean tweets, stand up for the values of this country and not slink away into retirement but stand up and speak the truth," he said. "Republicans used to understand that the actions of a President matter, the words of a President matter, the rule of law matters and the truth matters. Where are those Republicans today?"

So James Comey's driving the GOP and the Trumpsters crazy? Fine.

And remember this: If James Comey had not gotten under Donald Trump's skin the way he did, and inspired Benedict Donald to fire him, there would be no Mueller investigation now. On such slender threads the survival of democracy hangs. We cats PURR.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Will What Goes Around Come Around?

By Sniffles

What looks like a cheesy gossip site is reporting that Melania Trump is worried about Benedict Donald's health.

"Donald is still under immense stress right now...He feels like he’s being attacked from all sides and that his enemies will stop at nothing to bring him down, and Melania can’t help worrying about how his body is dealing with all that stress, which keeps growing by the day."

Are we concerned? Only because Mike Pence cannot, under any circumstances, become President. (The media would give him a honeymoon like you wouldn't believe.) Otherwise, since Trump murdered this little Guatemalan girl at the Mexico-US border, we couldn't care less. And we HISS.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Decreasing The Surplus Population

By Hubie and Bertie

It's amazing how durable the message of A Christmas Carol is. No, not that a curmudgeonly misanthrope could be made to see the error of his ways — but that human beings are so guilty of neglecting the least among them.

As you can tell from nearly everything he wrote, Charles Dickens was appalled by the plight of the have-nots. Scrooge's protest of "Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?" echoes every time a privileged member of society protests that he needn't do more to alleviate the sufferings of his fellow human beings.

Similarly, how shocking and disgusting was the plight of Jackelin Caal Maquin, the seven-year-old Guatemalan girl who died of dehydration and malnutrition in the custody of US Border Patrol. The circumstances of her death, while she was under the care of the United States, were positively — well, Dickensian. We cats put the blame for this girl's death squarely on Donald Trump, and we HISS.

Friday, December 14, 2018

Another Great Take On Melania's Hideous Red Christmas Trees

26 Reasons To Rip The Second Amendment Out Of The Constitution

It's been six years since Sandy Hook — the same amount of time that many of its victims spent on Earth.

Today we cats are heading for a country that's a little saner about guns than ours is. But we're taking a moment to remember the children (and adults) who lost their lives in Newtown.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Final Days?

By Baxter

We cats fully expect the Trump saga to grind on for some time, but — goodness gracious. Today's panel discussions on the pundithead shows sure felt like August 1974. Trump's been rebuked by the Senate over Saudi Arabia, he was bitch-slapped by a 78-year-old grandmother in front of the whole world (which was his fault, by the way), his attorney's getting hauled off to the hoosegow (and maybe dragging him with him), and now the feds are investigating his Inaugural committee. And we haven't even gotten to Maria Butina and the shutdown yet.

So Benedict Donald didn't show up to work yesterday. (Can you imagine the reaction on the right if Obama had done that?) And today he gave a shaky interview to — who else? — FOX "News," in which he spread more lies and managed to raise more questions than he answered.

Clearly Trump is feeling the heat, so how is the rest of the Republican Party doing?

For example, with the Benedict Donald sh*tstorm raging on so many fronts, we have RNC chairwoman Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel on our minds. You have to raise a lot of money when you're in an important position like party chair. Are any deep-pocket donors taking her calls for Trump's 2020 re-election campaign? That can't be fun.

Then there's our Congresswoman, Elise Stefanik. She was charged with increasing female representation in the House Republican caucus, but after the Blue Wave was embarrassed to see it drop to 13. Not 13 percent. Thirteen women. So now she's distancing herself from the RCCC and is focusing her efforts on recruiting Republican women to run in 2020 through her own "leadership" PAC. Gee! We wonder how her outreach to potential candidates is going. How many are telling her they're no longer Republicans?

Mind you, we're not feeling sorry for any Republicans these days. There's no sign of a 2018 version of Barry Goldwater, John Rhodes or Hugh Scott striding up to the White House to tell Trump he's finished. The GOP tied its fortunes to this grade-Z mobster — so when we contemplate the end of Donald Trump, we also have to wonder about the party that was crass, weak, frightened, opportunistic and treasonous enough to nominate him. It may be their Final Days, too. We cats HISS.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

The Guardians Of The Galaxy (That's Our Way Of Saying These Guys Are Superheroes)

By Miss Kubelik

In a big up-yours to Donald "Enemies of the People" Trump, TIME magazine has chosen murdered and threatened journalists as their People of the Year.

Naturally, we think that TIME should pick Cats of the Year, and put us on the cover every time. But this "Guardians" thingy is good. It was obvious that Trump was irritated by it, because he picked a fight with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer in the Oval Office this morning with the cameras rolling. (We may be biased, but Nancy and Chuck won. Trump is on record, taking responsibility for a government shutdown. And "Please don’t characterize the strength that I bring to this meeting" is a Pelosi-to-Trump retort that will live for the ages.)

Meanwhile, while the hard-core Trumpsters will see 2018's Person of the Year as a big yawn — they don't care about journalists, and don't really understand the First Amendment — we find it a satisfying coda to some truly horrible and depressing stories. It doesn't quite make up for getting gunned down, charged with tax fraud, sent to jail, or strangled and dismembered by lackeys for a crown prince. But if Khashoggi were around, he might appreciate it. "It's...very rare that a person's influence grows so immensely in death," TIME's editor Edward Felsenthal said.

Why do we think that Donald Trump's influence will never, in the end, be even a fraction of these journalists'? We cats PURR.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Donald Trump Doesn't Want You To Do This

We all know how much the uber-hideous Trump cares about destroying a creation of Barack Obama's: It's more important to him than millions of Americans getting healthcare. What are you waiting for? Open Enrollment ends on December 15, so if you need Obamacare coverage in 2019, click here and sign up. You'll make us cats PURR.

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Lock Him Up

By Zamboni

We all know by now that Donald Trump is the king of projection. Every accusation he makes is a confession, every slam on an opponent or disloyal former friend is an acknowledgement of something he's done himself.

Now, with the Democrats coming into power in the House of Representatives next month, the future Intelligence Committee Chairman is saying that Benedict Donald could be hauled off to the hoosegow.

"My takeaway is there's a very real prospect that on the day Donald Trump leaves office, the Justice Department may indict him," Congressman Adam Schiff said. "That he may be the first president in quite some time to face the real prospect of jail time."

A fitting fate for the major-party candidate who, during one of the major Presidential debates, threatened his opponent with just that.

So, short of refusing to vacate 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (something we've worried he'd do), after Trump loses in 2020, how can he keep himself out of the slammer? Simple: All he has to do is resign on January 19 and have Pence (or whoever gets to be President for a day) pardon him. It would also have the added advantage of excusing Trump from welcoming Kamala Harris/Beto O'Rourke/Cory Booker to the White House the next day, and then go to the Capitol and have to sit and watch the guy/gal who beat him sworn in.

We're kidding, of course. Unless we're not. These days, you never know what's going to happen. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.