Thursday, January 29, 2015

Vice

By Miss Kubelik

It's amusing how Republicans are shocked, shocked to "discover" that the Famous Quitter from Alaska is an idiot. She gives an incoherent speech at Steve King's KKK rally in Iowa this past weekend, and suddenly they're forced to admit publicly that their 2008 Presidential nominee, his campaign and their national party were all willing to put an utter fool next in line to the Oval Office.

We cats call that endangering the country. Maybe even treason. But then we remembered that the Republicans had done it before. (On the other hand, Sarah Palin makes Dan Quayle look like Stephen Hawking.)

Which got us to thinking: Aside from the Famous Quitter and Quayle, in just the last 20 years the GOP has managed to nominate an Ayn Rand acolyte, a sadist and a football player to the number-two spot on their ticket. They all had their problems — particularly the sadist — but basic brain power probably wasn't one of them. (Interestingly, politically, the football player would probably not be welcome in the Republican Party of today. Just sayin'.)

In contrast, allow us Democratic cats to review some of our recent Vice Presidential nominees. Joe Biden served a thousand years in the Senate and chaired the Foreign Relations Committee for hundreds of them. Joe Lieberman was a 1964 Freedom Rider whom the Republicans came to love. President Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. Lloyd Bentsen was a distinguished Senator and Cabinet member (and we all know what Lloyd is most famous for.) Before groundbreaker Geraldine Ferraro came to Congress, she worked her way through night law school and later prosecuted rapists, wife beaters and child abusers.

We admit that John Edwards is a scoundrel and a pretty boy — but as everyone who's ever faced him in a courtroom knows, there's perspicacity under that perfect hair. You'd have to go all the way back to 1972 to find somebody who was a real problem — and George McGovern removed him from the ticket, dooming the Democrats' slim chances against Richard Nixon forever.

In short, it seems clear that our Presidential nominees have given serious thought to whether their veeps were up to taking the reins of power, and willing to admit for the good of the country if they picked wrong. The Republicans? They nominated Sarah Palin. We cats HISS.

P.S.: We couldn't resist — we checked on our friends over at Free Republic, to see how they're reacting to the GOP's Palin abandonment. Would they, too, finally throw in the towel on their sainted Famous Quitter? We were thrilled to see that the answer was no. We cats PURR.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Cumber-Abashed

By Sniffles

We cats have been tempted to zoom over to our favorite paranoid corner of the Internet, Free Republic, to see what our right-wing friends have posted about Benedict Cumberbatch's recent linguistic gaffe.

Surely they're fuming over another persecution of a white man by political correctness run amok. We're so certain of this that we don't even need to look.

We know we'd see the same old tired indignation from people who, as usual, miss the point. In our experience, what the Freepers and others decry as evil and speech-squelching political correctness is almost always nothing more than being considerate of other people's viewpoints and feelings. We think that that's a good thing. If society now frowns upon callous, insensitive speech and behavior that it used to tolerate — well, yay.

At the same time, we're also inclined to give Mr. C a pass on this one. Not because using the term "coloured actors" instead of "actors of colour" wasn't an anachronistic eyebrow-raiser — it was — but because his apology was so sincere. He understands the grave nature of his error: As a graduate of the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art with an MA in classical acting, he knows the power of language.

So in the end, we PURR at Benedict Cumberbatch. But if he's still feeling like a bad puddy-tat, he could always change his name. We cats suggest Kirby Delauter.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Passed-Over Princess

By Zamboni

In the category of dog bites man, the Famous Quitter from Alaska gave an incoherent speech at Steve King's KKK rally in Iowa this weekend.

Now, we cats have always known that the Famous Quitter was a few beers short of a six-pack, and that John McCain is a traitorous fool for being willing to place her one 71-year-old cancer survivor's heartbeat away from the Presidency. But now, a lot of right wingers are clucking over the FQ's sorry performance and saying she's "declined" from her 2008 glories.

That makes no sense. Because if her "decline" has only become apparent now, why did the pundits and the party pooh-bahs all quietly leap-frog over the Famous Quitter when it came to discussing the Republican "heir apparent" was in 2012?

In other words, if Palin was in such fine form coming out of '08, why was the next Republican whose "turn it was" Willard Mitt Romney? Willard was a primary also-ran. Why was the next, um, guy in line not the party's Vice Presidential candidate? We think we know.

After this weekend (and especially now that she's hinting about 2016), it's more clear than ever that Republicans have been trashing the Famous Quitter to one another behind closed doors — and being polite to her whackjob teabag base in public — for six years now. And the media appear totally complicit. They allowed the boys of the GOP to brush Palin aside and name Willard the crown prince.

We cats despise the Famous Quitter, so we feel no outrage about this. Just disgust at the fakery of A) the Republican Party and B) the political media. Which makes us HISS.

Run For Your Lives!

By Baxter

No, we're not talking about the big winter storm. "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell is still on the streets!

The US Court of Appeals just ruled that T-Bob can stay out of jail while he appeals his multiple corruption convictions. We don't know about you, but we cats are feeling far less safe, knowing that we could run into this hardened criminal at any time.

But seriously: We'd like to know what kind of a world we live in, when the guy who sullied the office Thomas Jefferson once held doesn't get hauled off to the hoosegow — but a Yale student gets stopped by a cop at gunpoint for the crime of walking while black — and a 12-year-old is murdered by Cleveland police for no reason?

It just doesn't seem right. We cats SNARL.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Battle Of The Hatefests

By Miss Kubelik

Ever notice how the GOP is the party of misanthropes? Really! You just need to look at this weekend's events to know that if you're a human and you're reading this, Republicans really don't like you.

First, there's that secretive Koch confab out in California, where the billionaire brothers will decide which Republican to throw their unending dollars behind so that they can dismantle unions, squash the minimum wage, and make the planet uninhabitable for everybody.

It's mostly establishment guys who are parading around for the Kochs, like some sort of twisted beauty pageant which nobody with a bank account under a zil (give or take a zil) is invited to judge. Public and press are not allowed, but we're sure there will be a lot of resentful talk about Willard Mitt Romney's despicable 47 percent.

Then there's the KKK rally in Iowa that Steve King is hosting (and Citizens United is sponsoring). This is where passengers of earlier Republican clown cars — plus some new additions — are gathering to roll out their 2016 model, and where presumably they'll all rail against immigrants, women who want reproductive rights, gay people and Americans who are getting health insurance for the first time in their lives. (The cross-eyed college dropout Scott Walker is speaking even as we write this.)

Underlying both of these events is unbridled anger and a deep contempt — not just for the American electoral process, but for the citizens who dare to take part in it. Thanks for nothing, United States Supreme Court, for making it all possible. We cats HISS.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

With Apologies To Ervin Drake, The NFL's Had A Very Bad Year

By Sniffles

Once again, we cats are forced to ask: Why should we care about football? It's chock full of racists, animal abusers, wife beaters, and now, cheaters.

Count us in for the Puppy Bowl once again. Yes, it's all about dogs — but even though its players occasionally poop on the field, they're still better behaved than the so-called men of the NFL. We cats HISS.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

If, Then

By Zamboni

We cats know people who refused to watch the State of the Union Address last night — not because they wouldn't have agreed with it, but because they objected to what a silly spectacle it's become. This, of course, is Ronald Reagan's fault.

But ironically, this particular SOTU was probably the one to watch — for whole bunches of reasons. So many things made us break into Cheshire cat grins that to list them all now would be long and redundant. But we have to say we were particularly thrilled that President Obama took the Republicans to task on climate change.

Specifically, all that "I'm not a scientist" crap they constantly spew.

Right wingers and science deniers have probably felt pretty smug about getting away with that line, because until now it's gone essentially unchallenged. This has driven us crazy. So points to the President for calling them out on it.

On the other hand, Obama could have taken it farther. He could have said that repeating "I'm not a scientist" means that the Republicans should also be saying stuff like this:

"I'm not a farmer, so I can't vote on agricultural price supports."

"I'm not a member of the military, so I can't support defense spending or send soldiers into war."

"I'm not an energy industry engineer, so I have no credibility on the Keystone Pipeline."

And Obama could have added that, at the same time, you never hear Republicans saying:

"I'm not a woman, so I don't have the right to restrict their reproductive freedoms."

As always, there's no such thing as logic in the Republican universe. Which makes us cats HISS.