Sunday, December 21, 2014

Blame Shame

By Zamboni

So yesterday's assassination of two New York City police officers is Bill de Blasio's and Barack Obama's fault? Unbelievable. Why does nobody blame Rudy Giuliani — who failed to upgrade police and firefighter communications — and the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived — who ignored the August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Brief — for the deaths of 3,000 people on September 11? We cats HISS.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Mug Shot

By Baxter

"Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell and his family have been so good to us this year. We really must send them a fruitcake or something.

After a wonderful 2014 packed with McDonnell-related Schadenfreude, they've given us even more. Bratty-faced "Bobby" McDonnell was arrested for drunk driving at 3:25 AM the other day.

This latest adventure, of course, follows on the heels of Bob's and greedy cheerleader wife Maureen's multiple convictions on corruption charges, and twin bro Sean's 2013 arrest for for his own public squiffiness. (Now we understand why Jonnie Williams didn't want the boys behind the wheel of his famous Ferrari. And perhaps "Bobby" can get a cell next to his parents when they get hauled off to the hoosegow next year.)

Clearly this a family with problems. But that fact inspires no sympathy. Instead, it just makes us wonder — again — why Transvaginal Bob felt he could tell his fellow Virginians how to live their lives. We cats HISS (after we PURR).

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Republican Romance With Rome: Is It Over?

By Sniffles

We cats don't understand why American Catholics are supposed to feel so cozy and warm in the Republican Party's embrace. Is it all about abortion? Reproductive freedom? Nah — lots of Catholics use contraception, support sex education, and think abortion is a decision for a woman and her doctor.

So what gives? Because these days, the church and the GOP are hardly a match made in heaven. Consider, for example, the following:

John Paul II begged the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived not to invade Iraq in 2003."War is never just another means that one can choose to employ for settling differences between nations," he said. We all know what Bush's answer to that was.

Pope Francis has urged tolerance for gays. The GOP, apparently bent on winnowing itself out of existence, disagrees.

Frankie also has scolded anti-immigrant haters. The Republican Party harbors people like this guy.

And now, Frankie has helped broker the normalization of relations between the United States and Cuba — leaving Republican critics like Baby Marco Rubio sputtering when asked about his role.

No doubt about it: The GOP and the Holy See sure don't see (eye-to-eye, that is). We cats PURR.

(PHOTO: Frankie and Barack. "Ave Maria / Gee, it's good to see ya.")

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Return To Normalcy (Or, At Least, To Havana)

By Miss Kubelik

Just when we cats were wondering if politics were ever going to be fun anymore, Barack Obama and Pope Francis (and yes, apparently Stephen Harper) have just thrown a huge monkey wrench into the Republican Party's run-up to 2016.

Sure, everybody's talking about the usual suspects, like "Jeb!" Bush and Baby Marco Rubio and "Ted" Cruz and how mad they are. Which is amusing enough in itself. But we cats are thinking beyond those three jackasses. Specifically, we're thinking Farm Belt.

See, lots of American farmers have been itching to do business with Cuba for simply ages. The folks at Bob Dole's favorite company, Archer Daniels Midland, must have been turning cartwheels at today's news. And it'll be real interesting to see how right-wing freshman Senators like Joni Ernst and Mike Rounds react — since their home-state farmers are champing at the bit so hard, they've probably already bitten through it.

But even more delicious is the thought of Presidential wannabes like — oh, let's say, John Thune, jetting down from the wheat fields of South Dakota to raise big bucks in — oh, let's say Florida. What's Thune and the rest of the guys in the Republican clown car going to say to all the angry exiles whose money they'll want so bad? "Gee, you're right — my constituents' business interests should definitely take a back seat to your 54-year-old grudge against Fidel"?

In short, fun! We cats see a lot of Republicans twisting themselves into pretzels over Cuba for the next two years. In the meantime, we're thrilled and hopeful that normalizing relations with the island will mean we'll never have to go through something like this again. That would truly make us PURR.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Gingrich Gas

By Zamboni

We cats have been worried. We thought we were the only ones who remembered Newt Gingrich screaming back during the 2012 Republican debates that Americans should be paying $2.50 a gallon for gas. And that only he could make that happen.

Well, thank goodness for the Interwebs. Because we found that not only was Newtie blathering about $2.50 gas during the debates — he wrote a whole book about it!

We love this, mainly because we stopped at our local station to fill up yesterday. What did we pay for our gas? $2.49 a gallon. (You may have noticed who's President. Hint: It's not Newt Gingrich.)

We cats are waiting for some intrepid journalist to track Gingrich down and ask him about this. In the meantime, we PURR.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Finally, A Doctor In The House

By Baxter

It is truly disgusting that thanks to the NRA, nearly all the Republican Senate, and (sigh) a few Democrats, the United States of America was without a Surgeon General for more than a year — even when Ebola first reached American shores (and everyone hit the panic button).

Well, no longer. Today Harry Reid, our favorite wily Mormon, put his deep knowledge of Senate rules to good use and pulled off a 51-43 confirmation of Dr. Vivek Murthy. Take that, Wayne LaPierre.

You might wonder why in the world the NRA would care who the Surgeon General is. Here's why: Dr. Murthy had the effrontery, after the Sandy Hook elementary school massacre, to tweet in favor of gun control (see above). Yep — we cats would say that six-year-olds dying about 70 years before their time is a public health concern.

What truly saddens us are the three Democratic "no" votes today: Heidi Heitkamp, Joe Donnelly, and, ugh, Joe Manchin. Say it ain't so, Joe! We cats had hope for him after Newtown. Now, we're wondering.

Well, no matter: We'll take the vote. And while we're still convinced that LaPierre and his legion of tiny-brained gunsuckers would be hounded off the face of the earth if police photos from Sandy Hook ever saw the light of day, we're just glad that the NRA took it on the chin and that America has a Surgeon General again.

Now... how about that other new General we need? The one whose title starts with "Attorney"? Harry, the ball's in your court. That would make us cats PURR.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Vitter Quits Call Girls, "Screws" Senate Staffers Instead

By Sniffles

David Vitter — the Louisiana Senator who, thanks to his fondness for D.C. prostitutes, could probably use a health checkup himself — has decided that it's worth messing with Republican Senate staffers' medical coverage to make a point.

At Vitter's urging, the Republican Senate Conference has voted to drive more of their Hill employees off the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program and onto insurance exchanges through the Affordable Care Act. "Washington should have to live under Obamacare until we repeal it," Vitter growled. (Meanwhile, as far as we can tell, Senators are keeping their own cozy coverage under FEHBP.)

Irony check: According to the Congressional Management Foundation, many Congressional employees who have already signed up for Obamacare are loving their lower premiums. They just don't like "being kicked around like a political football," said the Foundation's president.

We'll be blunt: We cats couldn't really care less about GOP Senate staffers. But we continue to be appalled that Republican jackasses like Vitter are willing to toy with people's lives because of their blind, tiresome hatred of Barack Obama. So we HISS.