Wednesday, January 18, 2017

George H.W. Bush Has A Ready-Made Excuse. Time For Jimmy Carter To Catch A Cold.

By Sniffles

The only thing we cats regret about the ballooning number of Congress members who are boycotting the Orange Man-Child's big day on Friday is that they announced it in advance.

Wouldn't it have been funny if they'd just not shown up — and left the Trumpsters scrambling to fill the empty seats?

Well, we won't quibble. It's already pretty swell that 65 Democrats have said they'll be otherwise engaged — and the statements they've made about their reasons are moving and eloquent. (We bet that the news that the FBI is investigating the Trumpsters and cash from Russia might move a few more off the fence, too.)

So, there are three ways that the Orange Man-Child could choose to handle this situation:

1. Do a mea culpa — as close as he comes to an apology — and invite the 65 Democrats to show up to demonstrate that January 20 is a pro-America event, not a celebration of all things Trump.

2. Attack the 65 and tweet, "Screw you. Putin & Bannon & Conway & Pieface & I will wipe the floor with you scum."

3. Ignore the whole sorry mess as best he can.

We think #2 is most likely, although #3 is a definite possibility. The first? Impossible. Not only is Trump personally incapable of it, but Putin would tell him not to. We cats HISS.

IMAGE: We've been glued to the tube before. But this time, we won't be watching.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

A Quickie: It's All So Summer 2009

By Baxter

Have you heard the reports of mad-as-a-wet-cat voters descending on town halls to protest the Republicans' planned repeal of Obamacare? Clueless GOP House members are getting besieged by people who wonder how they're going to get by if they lose their health insurance. One Republican from Colorado even had to sneak out the back door to get away from his enraged constituents.

See, this is what happens when you hate America's first black President so much that you're willing to play with people's lives — just to make a political point. So these Republicans are getting exactly what they deserve. May the torture not just continue but get worse.

Isn't it funny how history kinda sorta repeats itself? These town halls are like a mirror image of the anti-ACA teabagger uproar seven and a half years ago. Except now, the angry mob loves Obamacare, and has fewer guns. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Monica Melts

By Miss Kubelik

Not too long ago, we cats predicted that the execrable incoming Administration would have a long list of people who would end up self-destructing thanks to some youthful indiscretion, awful business deal, white supremacy or other unappetizing naughtiness.

At the time, we were primarily thinking of people crashing and burning down the road, after they'd already been hired. But with this Trump crowd, it turns out that you can go down in flames well before you even get the White House lanyard draped around your neck. Chalk up another one today, in fact.

The perpetually scowling former McLaughlin shouter Monica Crowley has joined camera-breaking Jason Miller, who was the first to sputter less than a month ago — he for (ugh) sex, she for plagiarism.

Gosh! These guys are falling so fast, pretty soon they're going to equal the number of Congress members who are boycotting the inauguration. We cats PURR.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Fake News? Fake President.

By Zamboni

Rancid Pieface is upset, and wants Barack Obama to do something. Excuse us while we try to stop laughing.

Did Pieface really just demand, without irony, that Obama "step up" and tell Democrats who are questioning Donald Trump's election to toe the line? Yes, he did. And we cats can't think of anything that will keep us on the Trump-Is-Illegitimate Bandwagon more than bogus GOP umbrage.

It's bogus because these are the same people who 1) never accepted Obama as President, despite his nearly 10-million-vote margin in 2008, 2) refused to work with him, even to save the country from economic disaster, and 3) questioned — and, in some quarters, still question — whether he was even born in the United States.

So spare us your outrage, Rancid. President Obama won in both 2008 and 2012 by decisive margins without having to lean on a hostile foreign dictator. And our latest nominee got three million more votes than your guy did. So between the Russian thug and the popular vote — plus a little dash of James Comey — we cats would say that yeah, your shiny new President is as phony as your pique.

We agree with John Lewis: Donald Trump is illegitimate. After all, we already know from the way that he treats people that he's a bastard. We cats HISS.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

An Edmund Pettus Bridge Too Far

By Sniffles

For what beliefs has Donald Trump ever put his life on the line?

None. We know this, not just from history, but — most important — because eloquent people have stepped onto the world stage to point it out. "You have sacrificed nothing, and no one," said Khizr Khan back in July. How prescient he was.

Because today we see Trump, his thin skin so easily pricked, going after a man who has, willingly and constantly, thrust his life in danger in the service of a greater cause. Decades ago, John Lewis, now a veteran member of Congress, was arrested multiple times and savagely beaten so that black Americans could vote without harassment and be treated like any other American whose skin pigment didn't match his. How many of us would eagerly put ourselves at risk like that — especially in the age of social media, trolling and Pizzagate? We think, not many.

Is there a more fitting figure who could declare that Americans will not stand for Russian interference in our elections than a man who fought and bled against Jim Crow? Nope. The symmetry, in fact, is gorgeous.

We cats say kudos to the members of Congress who are lining up behind John Lewis and against Donald Trump and declaring, hell no, we won't show up at the Capitol next Friday for this farce of a swearing-in. We hope there will be more. And we're very interested that Republicans like Ben Sasse have jumped on board. "John Lewis and his 'talk' have changed the world," Sasse tweeted, obviously appreciating the difference between a civil rights hero and a rich-boy opportunist with heel spurs. (Keep your eye on this young Sasse lad, everybody. He's ambitious.)

There is still plenty of time for more Democrats to say, whoops — you know what? Start the inauguration without me. Jimmy Carter, Bill and Hillary Clinton, we Lewis-loving Americans turn our lonely eyes to you. Do the right thing — it would make us cats PURR.

Friday, January 13, 2017

John Lewis Uses The Blunt Instrument

By Baxter

We cats have long considered John Lewis firmly ensconced in the category of Greatest Living American. So you can imagine our delight when we learned that the veteran Congressman and civil rights hero has told Chuck Todd that, because of Russian manipulation of the 2016 election, he considers Donald Drumpf an illegitimate President. And oh, by the way, Congressman Lewis will not be attending the inauguration.

Hooray! Someone has said it. Now the boulders can start rolling down the hill!

We're also reminded of the 1936 abdication crisis, when an otherwise obscure Bishop Blunt mildly criticized England's King Edward VIII for not attending church — and broke the dam on the Simpson affair. In short, we're hoping that now that Lewis has, um, bluntly pointed out the obvious, the floodgates can open, and the rest of political America can fall into line. (Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, we're looking at you: Time to declare you'll be busy washing your hair on January 20.)

In short: This Trump thing is not normal, and we refuse to normalize it.

Meanwhile, we really — really, really, really — want Trump to attack John Lewis on Twitter. Please, Trump, please go after Lewis and give all of America permission to shun and reject you. We'll do it anyway, but if you dare to impugn the man who was beaten on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, you'll make it so much easier. We cats PURR.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

The End Of Wet Paw, Dry Paw

By Miss Kubelik

We cats think that President Obama has put Donald Drumpf in an interesting box by ending the special status that Cuban nationals immediately get when they land in America. His decision, Obama explained, means that the US will be "treating Cuban migrants the same way we treat migrants from other countries."

Could Drumpf reverse this once he gets into office? Sure. But isn't he supposed to be anti-immigration? Hmmmm. We cats PURR.