Saturday, July 23, 2016

Fun's In Store

By Sniffles

Thomas Jefferson played the violin (tucking it under his chin), and Harry Truman, the piano.

Bill Clinton famously had his saxophone, and Howard Dean his blues guitar.

So while the political world seems to be giving Tim Kaine a universal thumb's up today, we cats are most excited that sometime between now and November, we'll be able to quote our favorite line from "The Sound of Music."

"Why didn't you tell me," says Eleanor Parker to Richard Haydn as the Von Trapps burst into yet another song, "to bring my harmonica?"

(IMAGE: Senator Kaine didn't forget. He's on the left.)

The Birth Of Blue Texas? Or, How Ted Cruz Can Get His Revenge (And The GOP Nomination) in 2020

By Miss Kubelik

So, Donald Drumpf spent the day after his triumphant final night the Republican National Convention how? Slamming Ted Cruz.

Goodness gracious. Under normal circumstances — that is, following a convention that had not just nominated a sociopath — party pooh-bahs would be nursing happy hangovers and falling all over themselves to start organizing and winning. Instead, the GOP is in tortured disarray, and the nominee used the morning after to prove Elizabeth Warren right.

Rafael Cruz, Jr., as we know, is hopping mad about Drumpf's attacks on his wife and his father. Despite his alleged devotion to the teachings of Christ, forgiveness is not in the air. On the contrary: Team Cruz is deep into laying plans for 2020. We saw the first glimmers of it Wednesday night.

But even though Cruz is thirsting for revenge and consumed with ambition, he still has a formidable hurdle to jump: the zillion other Republican wannabes who also foresee disaster in 2016 and who think they're the answer to the GOP's dreams — Baby Marco Rubio, Paul Ryan, Scott Walker, Chris Christie, Ben Sasse, Brian Sandoval, Susana Martinez, Joni Ernst, blah, blah, blah.

How can Cruz stand out from this cast of characters? We cats think we know: Quietly enlist his loyalists in the Lone Star State to tank Texas for the Republicans this November. Then, starting at 9 PM Eastern on Election Day — or whatever time it becomes clear that the Drumpfs are going down in flames — he can campaign as the only savior who can bring those 38 electoral votes back to the GOP.

Senator Cruz, we hope you're reading. We cats PURR.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Worst. Ever.

By Zamboni

Gosh! Can we come out from under the bed now? We cats had no idea that Barack Obama's America was such a frightening place. Healthcare coverage for millions? Terrifying! Unemployment under 5 percent? We're petrified! Stock market above 18,000? Positively knee-knocking. (Of course, if you're driving while black and get pulled over, we guess the country can be a little scary.)

What a strange and dreary speech Donald Drumpf gave last night. "Trump Sets Ominous Tone" is, to our minds, not a good headline. So chalk up "Trump's speech bombs" as one of the things that we correctly predicted could go wrong at the Republican National Convention.

As for the others, fasten your seat belts for the rest of the bumpy ride:

Mitch McConnell was, indeed, booed.

The hate that was spewed about Hillary Clinton was beyond anything even we could have imagined. Secret Service, we hope you were watching.

Rafael Cruz, Jr. may not have gone all Pat Buchanan (he probably does that every day), but he sure went rogue, didn't he? With a satisfied little smirk on his face, too.

As a result, we nearly had some in-the-arena violence as Heidi Cruz had to be escorted out for her own safety. (Her valiant protector: Virginia's own Cootchy! We're so proud.)

Collateral Cruz damage included gay-hater Mike Pence, whose speech was, if not a dud, completely overshadowed.

And um, Melania bombed, too. Except we didn't know that in real time. Thank you, Jarrett Hill!

Finally, yes — people left early and there were rows of empty seats. Good thing the balloons dropped! (Except they almost didn't.) We cats PURR.

UPDATE: Dana Milbank in The Washington Post has reminded us that delegates did, indeed, chant "Build a wall! Build a wall!" We cats rest our case.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Thank You, NBA

For standing up for what is right.

Faces

We cats would like to compare the expressions on the Drumpf family last night with the look on Thugg Romney's face during the second Presidential debate in 2012. 'Nuff said, we think. We PURR and HISS at the same time.

Brewskis

By Baxter

Wow. We don't know what's going to happen tonight, but looking back over our wish list for Republican catastrophes this week, we cats are pretty astounded at how many of them have come true or near-true.

More on that later. (We still have Day Four to get through.) In the meantime, we're thinking a lot about beer.

It's not just because it's baseball season and 98 in the shade. We're remembering that vile adage from 2000 about how voters said they could support the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived for President because they could imagine themselves having a brewski with him. (Except that he was an alcoholic who said he found Christ and was on the wagon.) Ugh, we thought at the time — revolting.

Watching RNC 2016, though, we're thinking that now, we would love having a beer with the Worst Person — first because we think he's drinking again, and second because goodness gracious... if our choice is him or the people we've seen on our TV and computer screens this week, fuhgeddaaboudit.

How hideous this crowd in Cleveland is. They are racist and threatening, vitriolic to the point of attracting Secret Service attention, and — oh, by the way — really, really ugly. They are vulgar. And they are incredibly, overwhelmingly, astoundingly white.

Not our scene, thank you. Their off-the-charts behavior, which has not only slandered one of the most accomplished public servants of our lifetimes but also targeted one of their own, holds no charms for us.

So, who has George W. Bush's phone number? Maybe we should call him, grab a six-pack, and pick his sorry brain about how his Republican Party has come to such an end. We're game — as long as he doesn't insist that Dick Cheney comes along. We cats HISS.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Lest We Furr-get: There Was A 9/11 Before There Was 9/11

By Sniffles

Although Donald Drumpf apparently missed it, you may have heard that the mother of one of the four Americans who died in Benghazi on September 11, 2012, spoke at the Republican Convention and blamed Hillary Clinton for the death of her son.

She's completely wrong, of course. But because Democrats are nicer than Republicans, we want to tell Patricia Smith that we're very sorry for her loss. We're sure she's devastated, and we hope that she finds a healthier outlet for her grief.

But we keep wondering about the two 9/11s. In 2012, we lost four people. In 2001? Three thousand.

Hmmm: Four people... 3,000 people. How is it that the right wingers are so worked up about the four in 2012, but don't care about the 3,000 in 2001?

Since no Republican has ever called for an investigation into how the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived handled the Presidential Daily Brief of August 6, 2001 — let alone the lies his entire Administration told to invade a country that had nothing to do with the first 9/11 — it seems that the GOP is pretty okay with the fact that all those people died. Just sayin'. We cats HISS.