Monday, May 30, 2016
It doesn't take much to shock us cats these days. People throwing stuff over the White House fence? Old news. Bobby Jindal saying he'd vote for a man he recently called a "narcissist" and an "egomaniac"? Par for the course. Donald Drumpf kicking up another tweetstorm? Ho-hum.
But we have to admit that we raised our furry eyebrows over the insults hurled at Bill Kristol, who keeps bleating about a Never-Trump, independent candidate. (That was the reason behind Drumpf's most recent string of furious tweets.) Breitbart "News" has called Kristol a "renegade Jew" for opposing Trump.
Now, we cats are no fans of Bill Kristol, but an accusation that ends with the word "Jew" is revolting. Have we just zipped back to the 1930s in a time machine? How is this kind of language even possible in 2016?
It's almost as bad as using "Democrat" as an adjective. We cats HISS.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Donald Drumpf has said that he's going to make a big play for California in November, because he and only he can turn the Golden State to red from blue.
All righty, then! We cats say it's time for enterprising reporters to figure out exactly how Drumpf is going to do that.
Which means that journalists need to call the Drumpf campaign (and then the RNC — because the Drumpfs will refer them to them), and ask the following questions. Are you ready?
How many staff does Drumpf have in the state right now? How many RNC staffers are in the state right now?
How much airtime has the campaign reserved for the fall? It's not too early, you know. And how much airtime have all of the super PACS supporting Drumpf reserved? (NOTE: We assume they've figured out which Drumpf super PACs are real and which are not — but you never know.)
California's a big state. How are the Drumpfs going to organize it? How many staff will be on board come fall? How many offices? How many volunteers will make how many calls?
Or is he going to try to win with just paid media? If so, what's the budget? How much will be paid from the campaign, and how much from the super PACs and the RNC? How much time and in how many media markets? Or are they just going to try to get free media with his "shows" (known in normal campaigns as rallies)?
And after journalists are done speaking with the Drumpf campaign and the RNC, they should start chatting up Republicans like Meg Whitman and Neel Kashkari, who have run statewide in California recently, about how Drumpf should mount a successful campaign there. How's he going to build winning coalitions among Latino, black, Asian, young and female voters? Inquiring minds want to know.
Rinse and repeat for New York — another state Drumpf has bragged that he'll win in the fall.
You get the idea: The questions are endless. They're all completely substantive and pertinent. And we can guarantee you that Donald Drumpf has not given them a moment's thought. Dream on, Donald. We cats HISS.
As the nation gears up to observe another Memorial Day, let us consider the fact that as President Obama visited Hiroshima yesterday, reflected on the nature of war and urged the world to strive to avoid it, an aide carrying the "nuclear football" stood nearby — as always.
(The famous quitter from Alaska, of course, vomited a word salad all over attendees at a California Trump rally, accusing Obama of apologizing for dropping the bomb. As all of us know, this is completely untrue, but that kind of thing never matters in Palin-Trump World.)
Anyway, chalk up another profound and mesmerizing speech by Barack Obama. And as the putative Republican nominee continues to foozle the simple mechanics of a Presidential campaign, think about that nuclear football being a few steps away from Donald Drumpf. We cats HISS.
IMAGE: The President hugs Shigeaki Mori, an atomic survivor who has made it his life's work to memorialize the American POWs held in Hiroshima and killed in the nuclear blast on August 6, 1945.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Unless Paul Ryan is a total fool — which he may very well be — there's not a single reason for him to endorse Donald Trump.
In fact, we cats recommend that Ryan hand over his Republican National Convention gavel and disassociate himself from the entire operation, ASAP. If he values his future, not to mention his party's, he should tell fellow Wisconsinite Rancid Pieface: Sorry, dude — can't do it.
After all, what possible benefit could he get from jumping on the Trump bandwagon, when he could distinguish himself from the lemmings who are rushing to endorse a disaster? (See "You mean Pocahontas?" if you have any doubt that electing Trump would be like giving a 13-year-old boy the nuclear codes. Or check out Trump's gratuitous attack on the chair of the Republican Governors Association, Susana Martinez.)
By refusing to endorse, Ryan would not just refrain from selling out his principles (such as they are) — he could be honest and say, "You know what? Trump is going to lose us the Senate, and I'm not going to do anything to endanger the House. Because the House will be the last line of defense against President Hillary Clinton."
And with Mitch McConnell relegated back to Minority Leader, Ryan will become the most powerful Republican in Washington — and sitting pretty for 2020.
Yes, we know that breaking from the deluded GOP in 2016 will be painful. But in the long run, we just don't see any downside for Paul Ryan. If he reads this blog, he'll get some good advice. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
After a welcome break for red panda, we cats are ready to check out the political news again. Here are a few stories that have caught our eye.
Whoops! It looks like Susana Martinez is off the Drumpf VP short list. Which probably doesn't break her heart since there were riots at Drumpf's appearance in Albuquerque yesterday. Pretty soon Trump will start talking about how fat Susana is, don'tcha think?
We are not unqualified fans of Debbie Wasserman Schultz, but all this talk about her stepping down as DNC chair before the convention is stupid. She is not a divisive figure because Bernie Sanders says she is. You wanna talk about divisive figures? Let's discuss Sanders naming Obama hater Cornel West to the Democratic platform committee. Now, that's divisive.
Meanwhile, it looks like Democrats will have another advantage over Republicans besides demographics this fall: two popular ex-Presidents, Bill and Barack, out on the campaign trail for Hillary-Whomever. And who has the GOP got? Well, there's The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, who could rally a crowd of about 12 people. And his father, who doesn't get out much these days. And then there's the sainted Ronald Reagan — who's been dead for 12 years. Hm!
Finally, speaking of surrogates, we just love what Elizabeth Warren is doing. "Can Donald Trump even name three things that Dodd-Frank does? Seriously, someone should ask him," she said. Is Trump sexist, a reporter queried? "That’s like asking if he has bad hair," Warren replied. Trump, she added, is "a small, insecure man."
Her Trump-needling is just great. But should Elizabeth Warren be Hillary's running mate? Nope. A, we want her right where she is, firing away. B, Massachusetts has a Republican governor. Sorry, we can't lose the Senate seat. Other than that, we cats PURR.
Monday, May 23, 2016
Sunday, May 22, 2016
It turns out that Donald Drumpf, who once bragged that he raised $6 million from his supporters for veterans on the night that he boycotted a FOX "News" Republican debate, apparently has — not.
The figure is $1.5 million less.
Gee, how come? Campaign manager (and renowned thug) Corey Lewandowski said it was because guys who pledged didn't come through. "There were some individuals who he’d spoken to, who were going to write large checks, [who] for whatever reason . . . didn’t do it. I can’t tell you who."
Hmmm! If Donald Drumpf can't get his own friends to make good on their pledges for veterans, how is he going to make Mexico pay for his border wall? How is he going to call up Ford and Carrier and Apple, and tell them to stop outsourcing and repatriate manufacturing? How is he going to enforce any commitments from countries to conduct fair trade? How is he going to get Vladimir Putin to honor any agreements he makes?
The list goes on and on. We cats HISS.
Saturday, May 21, 2016
It's been observed that Donald Drumpf is a big baby. The whining, the complaining, the yapping. The constant protesting that he's not being treated fairly. The prissy vindictiveness. Dare we say it — the pussy-ness? Yes, we can say that, actually — because we are cats.
And now add Bernie Sanders to that list. Bernie, who's endorsed Debbie Wasserman Schultz's primary opponent and declared, pissily, that once he's in the White House, Debbie loses her job as DNC chair. You know what? The DNC will get a new boss whatever happens in November. And oh, by the way, Bernie's not gonna be President. Not even close.
So none of this matters, except for the fact that Sanders has decided to embarrass himself with a hissy fit. Geez, ever since that Nevada dust-up, Bernie hasn't been looking too good. Time to get off the stage, we think.
Meanwhile, as Drumpf and Sanders prove themselves to be lesser men, the President of the United States continues to quietly knock off America haters abroad. Hello, US drone — goodbye, Taliban pooh-bah Akhtar Mohammad Monsour.
It's amazing to us that Barack Obama, the POTUS who the right wing claims has made the US so weak, keeps killing terrorists without blinking an eye. So who's the real man here, and who are the whiny bitches? We cats think we know. And we PURR.
Friday, May 20, 2016
What an interesting day in Donald Drumpf World. We cats just saw a clip of his Hillary-wants-your-guns speech and were struck not just by the ridiculous content but also by how awful he is when he reads. More, please!
Which reminds us of two of today's Drumpf-related stories.
Mary Fallin has vetoed an unconstitutional anti-abortion bill in Oklahoma. Our first thought was, uh-oh — that'll drop her off the Drumpf running mate list! (Donald needs someone to buttress his nonexistent anti-choice cred.) But then it dawned on us: Maybe Mary Fallin doesn't want Donald to consider her. Seeing one ticket as a sure career killer, perhaps rejecting SB1552 was her other ticket — out.
Meanwhile, hot on the heels of having to boot a white supremacist from its California delegation, the Trump campaign is dealing with another delegate gone bad. Weapons charges! Child porn. Goodness gracious, what could be worse? (Well, okay, Dennis Hastert. But we digress.)
What caught our attention, though, was the official statement from the Drumpf campaign: "We strongly condemn these allegations, and leave it in the capable hands of law enforcement." Denounce the allegations, but not the person or the kiddie porn itself? What strange priorities they have. Is Trump, too, a connoisseur of child pornography? Let the rumor be spread. We cats HISS.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
So now Justin Trudeau is apologizing again, but this time for grabbing an MP on the floor of the House and elbowing another MP in the process. True to their reputation for niceness, Canadians are really upset.
We guess they've forgotten that Justin's dad once told an MP to f--- off, yelled at demonstrators to "mangez la merde" (we don't need to translate, do we?) — and we think that he may have even punched a voter once. We'll have to look that one up.
Still and all, what happened in the House of Commons yesterday pales in comparison to antics in the US House of Representatives, where GOP leaders had members switch their positions on an LGBT-protection bill after the clock ran out. Seven Republican quislings changed their "yes" votes to "no," thus saying that sure, it's perfectly okay for federal contractors to discriminate against gay people.
Since the vote-changers were allowed to do the nefarious deed electronically, without revealing themselves, it took awhile to ferret out who the traitors were. But once the names came out, four of them — like the execrable Darrell Issa — turned out to be from California, rounded up by Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy. (Guess where he's from.)
That's pretty funny when you consider how the California GOP, once so dominant, has been struggling to rise from the dead. We think this farce in Congress will put another nail in that coffin. And where are the Log Cabin Republicans on this issue? Will anyone ask for a reaction? We cats HISS.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
No, it's not the officer training test that James Tiberius Kirk cheated at when he was a cadet at Starfleet. It was a ship of Sikh immigrants that, back in 1914, could not dock at Vancouver. Refused entry because its passengers were "Orientals," the Komagata Maru returned to India, where — ugh, let's just say that at the hands of the Raj, many of the unfortunates she carried met a bad end.
In Parliament today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau formally apologized for the incident and the racism that inspired it. "Canada cannot solely be blamed for every tragic mistake that occurred with the Komagata Maru and its passengers," he said. "But Canada’s government was, without question, responsible for the laws that prevented these passengers from immigrating peacefully and securely. For that, and for every regrettable consequence that followed, we are sorry." Result: standing O.
Gee, it's good to know that even after so many years, there's someone to push back against statements like "We always have in mind the necessity of keeping this a white man’s country." In 1914, that KKK-like declaration came from the mouth of the Tory premier of British Columbia. Today, we hear it in Donald Trump's voice. May decent Americans not wait 100 years to tell him he's full of it. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Well, it's good to know that Americans aren't the only ones tossing around bitterness, venom and spite.
A social media fuss has evidently erupted after Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, wife of the Canadian Prime Minister, told the Quebec City newspaper Le Soleil that she's overwhelmed with requests for charitable and speaking engagements, and needs more staff.
And, predictably, Conservative politicians on Parliament Hill have joined the carping. Of course, they were silent back when one of their former Prime Ministers, Brian Mulroney, gave his wife an official office and a staff of three.
How many assistants has Sophie got? One.
We cats are disgusted and appalled — disgusted at the hypocrisy of the Tories and the trolls, and appalled that a mom of three kids under 10 who is swamped with mail because she and her husband are the world's newest political celebrities can't get a little help.
We cats would volunteer if we could. But the bottom line is this: Canada should give whatever official support its best unpaid ambassador says she needs. We're sorry if nobody wanted Laureen Harper at their events. Everybody wants Sophie. We cats HISS.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
"Facts, evidence, reason, logic and understanding of science — those are good things. These are qualities you want in people making policy.
"We traditionally have valued those things, but if you were to listen to today's political debate, you might wonder where this strain of anti-intellectualism came from. So, class of 2016, let me be clear as I can be: In politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue. It's not cool to not know what you're talking about."
—President Obama, Rutgers University, May 15, 2016
Friday, May 13, 2016
We cats are pretty territorial, but we're willing to share our litter box as long as a human scoops it regularly. You know.
So — while we're kinda finicky — we have to say that nobody is more picky than we are when it comes to bathrooms except, um, Republicans.
In short, what is the big deal? We've been in women's restrooms that are being cleaned by men, and in men's restrooms that are being cleaned by women. We fail to see how transgender people using whatever restrooms suit them would cause any problems. Indeed, we are sure that transgender people have used restrooms without incident. Until North Carolina Republican Governor Pat McCrory decided otherwise.
Our biggest objection on the bathroom issue? It's to Republicans who run as "moderates" one year — but who, once elected, turn out to be the biggest right-wing assholes you could imagine.
Exhibit A: Pat McCrory. May no more US states fall prey to charlatans like him. We cats HISS.
The world is weighing in on the choices that the 2016 Presidential nominees should make for their running mates.
We cats couldn't care less whom Donald Drumpf picks — first because it's Donald Drumpf doing the picking, and second because of course it's going to be a clown. But we're way interested in whom Hillary Clinton will pick. (And yes, the Democratic nominee will be Hillary. We cats were really good in English, but we have great respect for math.)
Hillary's choices are somewhat constrained by the fact that the Democrats want to pick up the Senate this year — especially since the Republicans are hell-bent on nominating a down-ballot-dominating buffoon at the top of their ticket. So any Democratic Senator with a GOP Governor is a non-starter. Sorry, Elizabeth Warren. And, totally sorry, Sherrod Brown. (Sigh.)
There are other really attractive candidates, like Julian Castro or Xavier Becerra (ooh! — so cute). And we would even be open to our own Senator Tim Kaine from Virginia, not just because we have a Democratic Governor who could replace him or because he speaks fluent Spanish, but because his life's work is such a contrast to Donald Drumpf's — helping people in developing countries instead of getting rich off of Daddy's money and screwing every woman in sight. But we digress.
We have what we hope is a more interesting suggestion. And no, it's not Amy Klobuchar, whom we admire and who would add another two X chromosomes to the ticket. Actually, it's John Lewis.
John Lewis would be so amazing, we cats hardly know where to start. He would be the Democrats' acknowledgement that, yes, we know we lost the South when we enacted the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act back in the 1960s — and that's a good thing. The Democratic Party that arose from that earthquake is a better party for it. He would be a symbol of all the frustration we feel that the Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act, and that we must, must, must restore it.
But that's not all: Can you imagine whoever the clown Donald Drumpf chooses debating John Freaking Lewis in the fall? Goodness gracious, it would make Biden versus Ryan look like a meeting of equals. Add to that the fact that Congressman Lewis could help put Georgia even further in play, and we think this nomination is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Well — it probably is a dream. But like the man who inspired John Lewis, we cats have one. And because we think Democrats could make significant statements against Drumpf in 2016, we hope Secretary Clinton thinks about this particular dream of ours. It would make history, and it sure would make us PURR.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
What an eventful time it's been since the Indiana primary. In spite of murmurs of GOP "detente" today, we cats still haven't seen any evidence that the Republicans aren't imploding. After all, the same week that Donald Drumpf trundles up to Capitol Hill to make nice with Paul Ryan, these things have happened:
Drumpf inexplicably skipped meeting with the tiny little group of House members who have actually endorsed him. "He snubbed us!" Duncan Hunter whined.
Drumpf's longtime butler was outed as a racist and a pig who has threatened the life of the President of the United States. Hello, FBI? How soon will you be knocking on Mar-a-Lago's door?
George Zimmerman is desperately trying to auction the gun that he used to kill Trayvon Martin. Goodness, we had no idea that Georgie was in such debt. Of course, we're not surprised. But thank you, Georgie: Not only for offending all clear-thinking Americans but — by vowing to spend part of the proceeds against Hillary Clinton — for driving up Democratic turnout even higher in November.
Willard Mitt Romney went after Drumpf on not releasing his taxes. Yeah, we know it's only Romney and the teabags hate him. But independent surburbanites may be listening. Keep talking, Willard!
Finally, the Drumpf campaign put an avowed white supremacist on their list of California delegates. Trouble ensued. Then the Drumpf campaign tried to blame "a database error." Huh? How can the campaign of the smartest guy in the world, the guy with the best brain ever, make a mistake as elemental as that? And why is nobody asking that question? We cats HISS.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
How often have we heard that Donald Drumpf's supporters say that "he tells it like it is"? What a laff. Our Harry Reid has Trump totally beat on that score.
Apparently assuming that the best defense is a good offense, Democratic Congressman Alan Grayson got into Reid's face this afternoon for stating that Grayson, who is under an ethics investigation, should drop out of the race for Baby Marco's Florida Senate seat. And the Fightin' Mormon proceeded to — well, fight.
"I want you to lose," Harry snapped, and then followed up with a blistering official statement — to which Grayson could only respond with a spluttering Trumpian twitterstorm, bleating about "the Establishment" and strangely calling his Democratic opponent for Senate a "GOP puppet."
Hm. We were a lot fonder of Alan Grayson when he was being rude to Republicans — and, oh, by the way, when he was not allegedly running a Cayman Islands hedge fund out of his Congressional office.
So Grayson picked the wrong guy to tussle with today. The thing about Harry is, he's so soft-spoken that people often miss the stiletto that's hidden in his hand. How different from the bluster and buffoonery of, say, Donald Drumpf. We cats PURR.
P.S.: At the same moment that Harry was telling off a sitting member of his own party, hundreds of elected officials on the other side of the aisle were contorting themselves into pretzels in their agonizing quest to accept Donald Drumpf. What a contrast! We cats PURR again.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
We cats recently opined that among all of the hideous Donald Drumpf's equally hideous choices for a running mate, Iowa Senator Joni Ernst checked the appropriate boxes.
We had no idea that Senator Ernst read us so closely — but we're honored that she's rushed to tamp down the Trump talk, gasping, "I'm just focusing on Iowa right now."
So now what? We all know that, on paper, Ernst had to be one of the top five among Drumpf's realistic choices — and we also know that the presumptive Republican nominee does not take rejection well. So we're bracing ourselves for another famous Trumpian tweetstorm. We can see his reactions now:
"Iowa's Senator Joni Ernst scared of the big stage. No #TrumpVeep. Sad!"
"A running mate husband with a girl's name? Too much gender confusion already! No #GailErnst. No #TrumpVeep."
"More free time for Joni Ernst means she can do something about her looks. No #TrumpVeep. Harsh!"
"Who would shake hands with Joni Ernst the hog castrator? Not me! No #TrumpVeep. Gross!"
Sunday, May 8, 2016
So the famous GOP "autopsy" report has been blown up by a vulgarian, and the usually tongue-in-cheek young Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post has issued this grave proclamation.
And we cats have asked ourselves: What if the GOP had, indeed, adopted its own recommendations of inclusion and civility? What if Republicans had gone easy on immigration, harder on corporations, and welcomed gays and lesbians into the fold? Goodness gracious, but things would be looking mighty bad for us Democrats.
Think about it: For example, contrary to Donald Drumpf's current fantasies, there really would have been record numbers of people voting in the 2016 GOP primaries. And here are a few other sticky wickets we'd be dealing with:
The industrial-slash-Midwestern states which the Republicans have always dreamed about carrying would be solidly in play: Pennsylvania, Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa. Florida would be out of reach for Hillary. New Jersey would be within the Republicans' grasp. New Mexico, Colorado and Nevada would be battlegrounds as always, but leaning red instead of blue.
Mark Kirk, Ron Johnson, Pat Toomey, Rob Portman, Richard Burr, John McCain and Kelly Ayotte would either be a lot safer, or cruising to re-election without a care in the world. Michael Bennet would be way behind in Colorado. Joe Heck would be way ahead in Nevada. And the 2017 Virginia gubernatorial race would be declared over and done with come November 9, once the Old Dominion's county-by-county, solid red Presidential returns are in.
Whew, what a nightmare. But, we're thrilled to say, only that. Thanks, Donald Drumpf! Thanks, GOP! Your loss is our — and the country's — gain. We cats PURR.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Right at this second, the Republican Party may be having its worst weekend since the Saturday Night Massacre in 1973.
Except the drama is taking place off-stage this time.
It appears that — instead of an avalanche of telegrams flooding the White House after Nixon fired Watergate special prosecutor Archibald Cox — the GOP is grappling with its death throes in private meetings, frantic conference calls and off-the-record one-on-ones.
Republicans are desperately trying to figure out how not to split into two irreconcilable factions (with half the participants arguing that it would be preferable to lose 2016 in order to rebound by 2020). How we Democratic cats are loving every minute of the sturm und drang.
And the competing headlines are hilarious: "Trump: I Don't Think GOP Has To Be Unified" on one line, "Shock Poll: Trump, Clinton in Statistical Tie in Georgia" on the next.
Would we still rather be Us than Them? Oh, totally. We cats PURR.
Friday, May 6, 2016
The GOP is in such a state that we expect any minute that Ken Burns will make a documentary about it.
Paul Ryan bucking the Trumpian tide. Jeb! Bush and Lindsey Graham not only skipping the convention, but saying they won't even vote for the Republican nominee. Willard Mitt Romney and both Bushes declaring they'll be no-shows in Cleveland. Lamebrain Bill Kristol heading up a desperate independent candidacy (and talking to Willard about it). Mary Matalin registering as a Libertarian.
In short, folks, the wheels have come off the wagon.
So we cats were wondering.... in the midst of all this chaos, why is the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived (If Indeed He Were a Person) bothering to endorse Donald Trump — and planning to be at the confab in July? Especially after Trump accused the Bush-Cheney administration of knowingly invading Iraq on a lie?
Simple: The Worst-Person-not-named-Bush has to go hobnob and get big bucks for his right-wing nutjob daughter who's running for Congress, that's why. So the presumptive Republican nominee accuses him of a war crime? No big deal. Cheney has money to raise. We cats HISS.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
In the days after a Presidential candidate appears to wrap up a major party's nomination, you usually see positive headlines about unity, endorsements and support. Kinda hasn't happened on the Republican side in 2016, though.
After a post-Indiana day of denial, the GOP has just had its first full Day o' Drumpf. And here are some of the headlines we've seen:
- Trump Tweets Picture Eating Taco Bowl, Says "I Love Hispanics"
- Bush 41 and Bush 43 Plan to Skip Republican Convention
- Portman Not Interested in VP Slot
- Susana Martinez Not Interested in VP Slot
- Ben Sasse Calls for "Adult" Third-Party Candidate
- McCain Caught on Tape: Trump Hurts My Chances
- RNC Denies Staffers Were Told to Back Trump or Leave
- Romney to Skip Republican Convention
- Woman Who Led Trump Tower Construction Supports Clinton
- Anti-Trump Group to Hold Call on Possible Third-Party Challenger
- House Speaker Ryan "Not Ready" to Back Trump, Deepening Republican Divide
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
We cats are seeing no good VP choices for Donald Drumpf if he's seeking to dig himself out of the electoral hole he's in.
The dilemma facing Drumpf — and one which we're sure his "veep searcher," the idiot known as Ben Carson, has absolutely no idea how to solve — is this: How does he flip 80 or so electoral votes in his direction, without losing any at the same time?
Does he go for geography? For example, do John Kasich or Rob Portman deliver Ohio? Can Rick "First Martian Governor" Scott or Baby Marco Rubio give him Florida? Can Joni Ernst guarantee Iowa, or Scott Walker Wisconsin? What about Susana Martinez in New Mexico?
The problem with this approach is that most of the likely names have already spewed harsh criticism of the GOP's presumptive nominee. And it's hard to see how a geographic selection can flip more than one or two states. So Drumpf is still in a hole.
The next logical place to go: Voter blocs he's going to need. So if he wanted to appeal to women, he could choose Ernst, Nikki Haley, Kelly Ayotte, Martinez, the famous quitter from Alaska or Marsha Blackburn. Or Tim Scott, to appeal to "the blacks." Or Martinez, Rubio or Brian Sandoval for Hispanics. Et cetera.
But what about trying to find someone with military or foreign policy gravitas? Jeff Sessions? A general? Military veteran Ernst? Foreign policy committee member Ayotte?
Finally, you need to add the fact that you don't want to lose a seat in an already imperiled Republican Senate. So you see how complex this puzzle can get.
So, while we cats are pulling for Newt Gingrich — not just because he's repulsively campaigning for it, but because we're dying for someone to ask him about the price of gas — we're wondering if Drumpf is going to choose Ernst. She checks the female, flippable-state, Senate-seat-not-up-this-year and military boxes. And she would help with the hard-core anti-choicers, too.
But will a veep hunt headed by Clueless Carson make a methodical pick? Not. Ben Carson may be a pediatric neurosurgeon, but he's also a fool. Which makes us PURR.
The New York Times has a very interesting electoral map on its website today. Now, we cats realize it's only May and that things could change. But goodness gracious, we'll take it: Hillary Clinton, 347 electoral votes; Donald Drumpf, 191.
And yes, the Times speculates on other map scenarios if Drumpf were able to improve his polling by, say, five to 10 points. But applying our rule o' thumb (or paw, since we don't have thumbs), we cats still say oh, wow — we'd way rather be Us than Them.
In fact, we're feeling a little greedy. In light of recent demographic changes, we're not quite ready to concede Georgia, Missouri, Indiana or Arizona to the GOP. And guess what? There's been one general election poll taken in Utah — and Clinton is ahead.
Moreover, we shouldn't be quick to abandon Arkansas, Hillary's erstwhile home state. And let's not forget the African-American vote in Mississippi.
But this is an excellent place to start. Which is no doubt why the Clinton campaign is quietly laying the groundwork in key states for the fall. We'd hope that any leading Democratic candidate would be doing the same, and we cats PURR.
Well, that was fast. This Hillary ad uses footage not just from the Republican primaries but also from yesterday's amazing tirade against Donald Trump by Rafael Cruz, Jr. Oh, what fun they had in the editing room! We cats PURR.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
If we cats had had our druthers, we would have preferred some Republican other than Donald Trump to win Indiana tonight, just to keep things roiled up and raucous.
But, oh! — we couldn't have asked for a better way for Cruz to lose. Rafael Jr.'s tirade against Trump today was the stuff that Democratic dreams — and general-election ads — are made of. (Is that what Carly was thinking as she stood mutely by?)
So while we're happy with the cat fighting, we have to say that Cruz and Trump and all the other thin-skinned Republicans are total babies. Can you imagine how they'd react if they were relentlessly hounded by a well-funded political machine, a hostile opposition in Congress, and a slew of rabid media outlets, all of them throwing dirt and slime and outrageous accusations for 25 years? Talk about meltdowns. What we're obviously trying to say these GOP clowns would buckle under just a taste of what Hillary Clinton has had to put up with.
Seriously — if Hillary handled that crap as badly as Cruz did this afternoon, she would have had to hold a press conference like Cruz's twice a day, every day, since 1991. But Hillary is a grownup — like a lot of other women have had to be. We cats PURR.
UPDATE: We're seeing reports that Rafael Cruz, Jr. is dropping out of the race. Can't take it, Ted? What a wuss.
Monday, May 2, 2016
We cats know that Donald Trump has an 83 percent chance of winning Indiana tomorrow, and that Rafael Cruz, Jr. had a really suck-y day. But we still think it's possible that Trump will end up underperforming in Hoosier Country.
Why? Not because we think the whipper-snappers at 538.com have suddenly lost credibility, or that having a kid yell at you and voters question your citizenship to your face necessarily means that you're toast. It's just that we wonder how many of the lazy, beer-swilling, white-male trailer inhabitants who love Trump so much will actually make it to the polls.
Maybe they'll assume that the election's in the bag, and sleep in. Or maybe — no matter how many Trump rallies they've attended — they aren't actually registered. Or maybe they don't really care about politics, and have only shown up at rallies or counter-rallies to stand around with fellow white guys and shout for awhile. (Isn't that what the Ku Klux Klan did, when they weren't lynching black folks?)
Whatever the answer, we cats think that it's just possible that Donald's Hoosier numbers could end up in air-ball territory. Not enough to lose him the primary — but just enough to allow Rafael Cruz, Jr. to claim the mantle of the Comeback Kid. We cats wait, and we PURR.
UPDATE: Well, we were totally wrong on that, weren't we?
From the What-You'd-Expect Department: Donald Trump sure is boasting a lot. Lately, he's been claiming that he's going to win in November even if the Republican Party is fractured (which it will be).
Nope, sorry. Despite Trump's crowing about all the white men he's allegedly driving to the GOP, the numerical odds dictate that he'd still need to win 70 percent of them to prevail in the fall. Daunting, to say the least.
Meanwhile, it is a truth universally acknowledged (and just discovered by the young Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post) that if Hillary Clinton wins Florida and the states that have voted Democratic since 1992, Donald Trump — or whoever the Republican nominee is — will be a... loser.
Cap it off by this smackdown poll of Hillary leading Trump and Cruz by 11-13 points in the Sunshine State and, we'd say, things look pretty good. (Yes, it's only May, but we'll take it.)
So, since Trump isn't exactly an expert on electoral politics, we cats are waiting for information that will convince us that he's a sure bet to beat Clinton in the general. We're talking actual proof here — in the form of poll numbers, demonstrable organizing activity, "hell-no" anti-Hillary declarations from key Democratic constituency groups, a sudden turnaround for Donald among Hispanic voters, pro-Trump editorials from the likes of The Tampa Bay Times, the Sun-Sentinel and the Gainesville Sun, etc. When stuff like that happens, we'll get worried.
Which is not to say that we're going to rest easy. Fear not: We'll be out there — registering voters, knocking on doors, driving people to the polls — because although we love chickens, we don't believe in counting them before they hatch. But what a great start! We cats PURR.