Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Nous Partons en Vacances

By Zamboni

Our owners are jetting off to Montreal for two weeks. Here is a little taste of what they'll enjoy. This is just a few blocks away from their apartment there.

We cats would love to join them, but we're in a luxury feline hotel and will have to make due with posting when we can.

Since there is nothing but craziness in the U.S. political world, we're sure we'll have lots to talk about.

Bonne vacances!

Katie, Brian, Charlie: Firedoglake Should Make You Ashamed

By Baxter

We cats are ensconced in the five-paw cat hotel, while our owners, who type this blog for us, leave for northern — and, unfortunately, Tory-governed — climes. However, we'd like to take a moment to say that we PURR at Mike Stark from Firedoglake.

Mr. Stark has been tracking down Republican members of Congress and forcing them to comment on the ridiculous "birther" movement. Bravo, sir. Obviously, the mainstream media are falling down on the job, so it's up to you to make GOP members come clean. Thank you for your public service.

Some people have decried Mr. Stark's methods, but we couldn't disagree more. Unlike celebrities like Janeane Garafolo, who was ambushed by FOX "News," the folks at Firedoglake have been, um, "dogging" elected officials. See, we think this is appropriate. Elected officials are accountable to the people who elected them. And in this day and age, they need to be ready to respond at a moment's notice to an inquiry from the public — at all times.

Sorry, but as the late Walter Cronkite would say, that's the way it is.

If the Republicans had any guts, they would turn to Mr. Stark and say whatever talking points they've prepared about these "birther" idiots. Or maybe even answer honestly. But with very few exceptions, they don't. And that's the story.

When are Republicans going to stand up to the nutbag fringe of their party? And while we're at it, when are Republicans going to condemn the vitriol of Glenn Beck?

Cowards, all of them.

We cats believe that every Republican on the face of the earth should be asked about the right-wing nutbag stuff, again and again and again. They should either be forced to agree with it — and marginalize themselves — or disavow it.

They can't have it both ways. They can't fan the flames and then run away when they're asked about it.

If the mainstream media won't do what it's supposed to do, then people like Mike Stark have to carry the flag.

Somehow we think that Walter Cronkite would not be pleased.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Bizarro Palin Fan Club

By Sniffles

Recent polls have shown that not everybody in America likes Sarah Palin. In fact, let's flip that around and say that a lot of people don't like her at all. (Except, of course, for William Shatner, who has Palin to thank for his domination of the Internet today. He is one cool cat.)

But, we were wondering — just who in the Republican Party dislikes the Alaskan Beat poetess the most? They don't say much publicly — in fact, they say nothing at all, for fear of igniting their idiot base — but we suspect that they comprise quite a list. Let's look at just three.

Chairing the Palin non-fan club surely must be Mitt Romney, who we cats imagine is furious over her undeserved celebrity. (What do Mormons do when they're angry? They have so few ways of letting off steam.) There's poor Mittster, traveling the country, making speeches, raising money for Republicans, selling his houses — in short, doing all the right things to lay the groundwork for 2012. And Palin's gotten more press in the last three weeks than he's gotten since John McCain lost the 2008 election.

Mike Huckabee certainly can't be happy with Palin, since he competes with her for the GOP's crazy-ass evangelical base. So many of the wingnut Christians' temperal gods have fallen — with their Argentine mistresses, parental payoffs, men's room come-ons and multiple wives — that there really aren't a lot of choices left for them. Those who can't stomach Romney are left with the other two former Governors, who, we cats predict, will soon be duking it out.

And finally, let's not forget Kay Bailey Hutchison. The Republican Senator from Texas dreams of being Governor of the Lone Star State, and she appears to be heading for a nasty primary against the current incumbent, secessionist-friendly Rick Perry. Not only has Palin endorsed Perry — but had the former mayor of Wasilla not burst onto the political scene 11 months ago, Hutchison would be universally recognized today as one of the Republican Party's leading female lights. Instead, Palin is sucking up all the girl-oxygen in the GOP room.

Yep, the number of Republicans grumbling behind closed doors about the unstable ex-Governor from Alaska must be legion. Maybe even a majority of the party. But a silent one.

Monday, July 27, 2009

How to Make a "Birther" Erupt

111th CONGRESS, 1st Session
H. RES. 593


June 26, 2009


Recognizing and celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union as the 50th State.

Whereas August 21, 2009, marks the 50th Anniversary of President Dwight D. Eisenhower's signing of Proclamation 3309, which admitted Hawaii into the Union in compliance with the Hawaii Admission Act, enacted by the United States Congress on March 18, 1959;

Whereas Hawaii is "a place like no other, with a people like no other" and bridges the mainland United States to the Asia-Pacific region;

Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii...

Resolved, That the House of Representatives recognizes and celebrates the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union as the 50th State.


Sunday, July 26, 2009

Charlie Crist = Dummkopf

By Zamboni

Why should the people of Florida elect Charlie Crist their next U.S Senator? The man either doesn't read the letters he signs, or he's an idiot. Or both.

Seems that the ever-tanned, impossibly white-haired and improbably married Republican Governor has sent a letter to a white supremacist named John Ubele, thanking him for sending a DVD of the notorious Nazi-produced movie, "Jud Suss."

"It is my pleasure to accept this on behalf of myself and the people of Florida," Charlie's letter (above) cheerfully chirps. "I appreciate your thoughtfulness in sharing this DVD."

Ja, we can think of lots of people in Florida who would "appreciate" Mr. Ubele's "thoughtfulness." We're sure they can't wait for Charlie to share the DVD with them, as his letter pledges to do.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Not only is your staff ignorant and sloppy, we cats think that under your slick veneer, you might be, too. So we HISS. Don't you realize that under the Nazis, you'd probably be among the first people marched to the concentration camps? Just sayin'.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Thoughts Over a Tall, Cold One

By Baxter

Please allow us cats to attempt to contribute to President Obama's teachable moment.

Like the commentators we heard on NPR yesterday, we don't understand why the whole encounter between Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sergeant James Crowley didn't change the instant Professor Gates showed his ID.

Because — and perhaps it hasn't dawned on people not frequently detained by authority figures — in America, it is not actually against the law to be rude to a police officer.

But we don't want to get sidetracked, when it's crossed our little cat minds that perhaps more people than "just" African Americans could relate to Professor Gates' situation.

Any one of us who has been humiliated because of something we cannot help — who we are — can empathize with this Harvard scholar. The sissy kids in grade school who suffer taunts of "faggot." Women whistled at by construction workers. Hispanic children ridiculed for their accents. Native Americans, Asian Americans, the disabled.... the list goes on and on.

Get it? This isn't solely about black and white. It's about all people, needing to show respect to one another, all of the time.

We cats didn't mean to go squishy on you all of a sudden. But sometimes, the simple lessons our mothers taught us really turn out to be the best.

And if the President would be kind enough to invite us to his beerfest with Mssrs. Gates and Crowley, we'll be happy to tell them so.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Erin Goes Without a Bra

By Sniffles

Okay, so two really disgusting invasion-of-privacy stories have surfaced in the last week.

We're not quite ready to comment on Professor Henry Louis Gates, so we'll talk about Erin Andrews instead. Some creep took peephole video of the ESPN sportscaster as she walked around naked in a couple of hotel rooms. The rest is Internet history.

Now, we cats aren't football fans, so we can't say before this that we were even aware of who Ms. Andrews was. But we've noticed that when networks covering games employ female "reporters" on the sidelines, they're invariably very attractive. We've also noticed that this tendency is, sadly, not restricted to the world of sports.

We will refrain from commenting on society's annoying habit of viewing women as merely decorative. However, clearly this peephole-video thing would never happen to someone like, say, Pauline Frederick. (Of course, Ms. Frederick was a real journalist who was valued for her brain.)

Oh, well. Our sympathies go out to Ms. Andrews, not just for the invasion of her privacy but for its onerous fallout. She and her lawyers will be kept busy, we suspect. But it's a cautionary tale, too, for other women in the public sphere whose celebrity is based primarily on their looks. We wonder if — once she resigns and loses her official protection — Sarah Palin might not be peephole prey someday.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Republicans "Go For the Kill" on Health Care

By Zamboni

We went to the vet today. For an antibiotic shot, a chemistry profile, a worm check, and a bunch of other tests, the final bill was $315. Thankfully, our owners were standing by with their American Express card, so we got the health care we needed.

But 43 million other American pets have no coverage for health care at all — and therefore, get no shots, no tests, no worm checks, no nothing. Either they have no one to take care of them, or their owners can't afford the vet bills that our humans easily (although crabbily) pay.

Okay, we're kidding you. We're actually talking about 43 million American humans, not pets. But President Obama has asked us to spread the word on health care reform, so we are. Please write your representatives in Washington and ask — no, tell — them to pass the President's plan ASAP.

While we're on the subject, we think the Republicans who have fantastic health care as members of Congress should be ashamed of themselves. Yes, we're talking to you, Jim DeMint. And we're also disgusted with rich assholes like William Kristol and nutcases like Glenn Beck, who never have to worry about whether they can afford their rabies shots.

Which, judging by all the foam on the mouths, they need.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Torch Has Been Passed, But Unfortunately Few of Today's Journalists Deserve It

What is all this we hear about people calling him "Uncle Walter"? To us, he could never be anything but Mr. Cronkite.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Dios Mio!

By Baxter

We cats are fascinated by the willingness of the Republican base to further isolate themselves. We just beamed into Free Republic to see how conservatives on that site were reacting to the apparent certainty of Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Now, we're not predicting the future — but assuming the judge's approval by the Senate, and the Republicans who are lining up to vote "yea," we just think it's amazing that 1) right-wingers are still outraged, and 2) as a result, GOP members are stuck in this sticky political wicket, which, by the way, is of President Obama's making.

Here are some of the more endearing comments from the Freepers. We think they're incredible, because in our minds, they qualify as political suicide. But Republican Senator Mel Martinez of Florida, take note: They hate you.

"Three RINOs voting for [Sotomayor] will not make her qualified to sit on the United States Supreme Court."

"[Mel] Martinez must be a racist — right? He is voting for Sotomayor because of her race — right?"

"Well, we know what wise, pug-nosed Latina means — intellectually unqualified."

"Luger [sic], Snowe, Martinez do not represent the GOP in any way, shape or form."

"Anything for the Hispanic vote, even if it means walking over the U.S. Constitution. I'm done with the GOP forever."

"Mel Martinez ?? Damm [sic] ungrateful freeloading open border Pedro Pan RINO bastard."

Wow. We cats are a little blown away by a right-winger referring to "Pedro Pan RINO bastards." Perhaps the prominent Republican Cuban-American elected officials in South Florida will have a reaction to that?

In the meantime, to us, the bottom line is: It never pays to underestimate or second-guess Barack Hussein Obama. Write that down for the next Supreme Court nomination.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Observar en Silencio

By Sniffles

Even as Sonia Sotomayor confessed to a passion for Perry Mason in her Supreme Court hearings today, the folks who dispense justice in America are looking less and less white and male.

But try telling that to the nervous Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee who will vote on her confirmation.

These guys have made total jackasses of themselves. Whether they're pounding and pounding and pounding on her "wise Latina" comment or doing bad imitations of Ricky Ricardo, they're giving the rest of us the cheaps (oh, totally!) and driving Hispanics away from the Republican Party for generations.

We cats felt that the Republicans' self-destruction was neatly captured in a short headline on the front page of this morning's USA Today: "Sotomayor pressed on ethnicity and gender." If we were, say, an Hispanic businesswoman, racing past a newsstand to catch a plane and glancing at that headline, we'd be furious. Heck, if we were just a woman, we'd be furious.

But we are cats, so we'll leave that rage to the females of the human species, whatever their color.

However, as the GOP Senators beat up on Sonia Sotomayor, we do believe that the silence from prominent Hispanic Republicans — say, the Diaz-Balart brothers or Ileana Ros-Lehtinen — is deafening.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

"The Wild Card is Whether She Wants to... Pose as a La Raza Latina"

By Zamboni

Whew, it sure is good to know that the racism on display over at Free Republic isn't aimed just at blacks.

Our hatemonger friends the Freepers are going after Hispanics today, primarily in a thread bashing Republican Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison for something she hasn't done yet — vote "yes" to confirm Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court.

Now, we cats aren't predicting what decision Senator Hutchison will reach on Judge Sotomayor. But the Freepers are convinced that since she wants to run for Texas Governor, the Senator will approve the Judge in order to curry favor with her state's sizable Hispanic population.

But — ah, how charming they are as they discuss it. It really doesn't take long for racists to show themselves in Jim Robinson's little corner of the Internet.

"I was recently down in Galveston and it has been over-run," the thread's 10th commenter, styling himself "devane617," clumsily types. "By 10:00am [sic] each day I was there, I rarely saw anything [sic] other than hispanics [sic] with beer in there [sic] hand [sic]. Not a place I would want to carry [sic] young kids."

Goodness. So many typos and such awkward usage. We think "devane617" probably was posting with a beer in his hand.

Then, just a few slots later, "Howie66" answers "devane."

"I will give credit to those in Galveston, though," he says. "They have really made a ton of progress bringing the island back, and it’s cleaning up real nice. I doubt that the same could be said for New Orleans."

Ooooh! That's New Orleans, you know — that place where all those black people live.

And they probably all have peace symbols on their T-shirts.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Freepers Aflame

By Baxter

The folks who post over at Free Republic apparently don't want John Ensign, Mark Sanford and Sarah Palin to feel lonely. So they've obligingly decided to self-immolate as well.

It all started when Malia Obama appeared in Rome wearing a peace sign T-shirt. The Freepers went wild. But unfortunately, more wild than usual. "Typical street whore." "Ghetto street trash." "[The Obamas] make me sick .... The whole family... mammy, pappy, the free loadin' mammy-in-law, the misguided chillin'... This is not the America I want representin' my peeps."

Hm. We cats have to admit to being a little surprised. We had no idea that the globally recognized peace symbol was anything but benign. Goodness gracious, it's been around for 50 years, people. Chill out!

But we're also a tad startled that the racist comments, now deleted, were left up for so long. The creator of the site, Jim Robinson, is fairly diligent about scrubbing them. (Homophobic slurs, however, he lets stand. Some bigotry is still acceptable, you see.)

Still, though, what's notable is that Mr. Robinson needs to scrub any racist remarks in the first place. We're sorry, but in Liberal Land, we just don't have that problem. Maybe that's one reason the Democratic Party is doing so well these days.

So, fine. If conservatives (and, by extension, the Republican Party) want to continue in this vein, it's no skin off our little cat noses. Let them self-immolate. The country is changing — has changed — and these narrow-minded, furious and frustrated hatemongers are doomed to minority status forever. In fact, they know it — which is why they're so furious, so frustrated, and so full of hate.

P.S. We hate to break it to you, Freepers, but the analogy you keep trying to draw about alleged attacks on the Palin children doesn't scan. First, David Letterman is a single individual. (Also, he apologized, which Jim Robinson refuses to do.) Second, our criticisms stem not from the Palin children themselves rather from their mother's actions with them — for example, dragging a six-month-old along on the campaign trail, or pushing an unwed mother as a spokesperson for abstinence. Third, the Palins can't have it both ways; they can't thrust their children into the limelight and then demand privacy. Finally, don't even get us started on the right's treatment of Chelsea Clinton.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Pants On Fire, The Sequel

By Sniffles

"His career is not a concern of mine."
Jenny Sanford, wife of Governor Mark Sanford (R-S.C.), June 26, 2009

"Jenny Sanford spoke directly to a handful of influential lawmakers throughout the week of June 28... She saw his entire career tumbling. She was the only one who could throw him a lifeline.”
Politico, July 12, 2009

Does anybody in the media call Republicans on their contradictions, flip-flops and flat-out lies? We cats HISS.

Just Because Bush Is Gone Doesn't Mean Republicans Aren't Still Stupid

By Zamboni

Ooooooh, those Republican boys who want to be President. Their ranks are a bit depleted now that Sanford and Ensign have self-immolated, but the rest of them must be huddling behind closed doors, desperately trying to figure out how to shut Sarah Palin up.

Mainly because the soon-to-be-ex Governor of Alaska, as the putative face of their party these days, is continuing to make herself (and by extension, the GOP) look like a dumbass.

I'd like to campaign for Democrats! Ms. Palin has gushed. All they have to do is agree with her rabidly right-wing views.

Our take? What an empty gesture — since we can't think of a single Democrat willing to share a dais with her. Besides, conservative Democrats all represent districts the Republicans want back.

The other funny news bite today: Palin lamented that her older son "is not a Republican."

We can only guess she means that "Track" is a member of the anti-American Alaskan Independence Party. (Like father, like son!)

Saturday, July 11, 2009

"Complexion" Problems

By Baxter

A private swim club in Philadelphia has apparently gotten caught in one of those "Star Trek" wormholes or time warps and has transported all the way back to 1957.

There couldn't be any other explanation for the Valley Club rescinding a contract with a day camp to allow the camp's children, most of whom are African American and Hispanic, to swim there one day a week. Half a century after the birth of the civil rights movement, and with an African-American family in the White House, the club surely wouldn't kowtow to regular members objecting to minority kids in their pool.

Oh. Apparently, we're mistaken. The Valley Club's president told a local T.V. station that "there is a lot of concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion . . . of the club."

We cats couldn't be more appalled. We know too well the superstition and fear routinely inflicted upon those of us felines who happen to have ebony fur. So we don't take too kindly to people asking, "What are all those black kids doing here?" in stage whispers. People, you are damaging these children, and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

But then, we can't exactly say we're surprised. Our experience has been that the City of Brotherly Love isn't terribly loving. Try going to a Phillies home game wearing a Mets cap sometime.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Mash Notes From Hell

By Sniffles

Which love letter would you rather receive? Mark Sanford's or John Ensign's?

We cats vote for Sanford's. Sure, his e-mails to Maria Chapur were "ugh" to the nth degree — what with all that stuff about "holding two magnificent parts of you" and the visual they conjure of a Casper Miquetoast-type guy plunging into his Argentine paradise. But at least they were kind of romantic.

Ensign's? Yeccch. You can't really make it out here, but his letter to Cynthia Hampton says "I used you for my own pleasure" and goes on and on about God, who "never intended us to do this. I walked away from Him and my relationship with Him has suffered terribly."

We cats don't know about you, but if we were the other woman, the Senator's relationship with the Almighty would be the last thing on our minds. In fact, from recent developments in this tawdry affair, we'd say that these days, Hampton and her angry hubby are more about "Show Us the Money" than "God Bless Us, Every One."

Well, Ensign deserves it. On top of being a right-wing Republican hypocrite, he's a terrible writer.

A Host of Conservative Scandals

By Zamboni

With Republican friends like Sanford, Ensign and Palin in such hot water south of the border, Tory Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper obviously felt left out.

So the Pillsbury Dough Boy manufactured a scandal of his own. At the funeral of former Governor General Romeo LeBlanc, Harper accepted a communion host from an officiating priest and then — well, we don't know what he did with it.

Trouble has ensued because it's clear that the host didn't get eaten — at least, not right away. The question is whether the P.M., who looks slightly befuddled in this video, put it in his pocket. A most disrespectful way to handle the body of Christ, we'd say.

To us cats — unless he forgot to fish it out before his suit went to the cleaners — the bigger question is why a Protestant like Stephen Harper would take communion at all. As we recall, you have to be "cleared" to receive it by going to confession first, which Protestants don't do. Also, as aggrieved Catholics like John Kerry can tell you, sometimes you have to jump a few extra hurdles to be "worthy" of the Eucharist.

Well, maybe Harper thought it was a souvenir. No doubt it'll be showing up on eBay soon.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Just a Girl Who Couldn't Say No

By Baxter

We cats normally don't pay much attention to worthless opinion pieces by right-wing religious nutbags, but this latest column by Cal Thomas takes the cake — or, we should say, the souffle.

We were mildly surprised to find the professionally pious Cal critical of conservative darling Sarah Palin. He takes her to task for resigning her office and for not being substantive enough.

But here's the line we love best.

"It was unfair to Palin to have been selected as McCain’s running mate so soon after the birth of her youngest child, especially one with Down syndrome, and the pregnancy of her teenage daughter."

"Unfair"?? Hel-LO? Cal, we hate to break it to you, but there's a little concept known as FREE WILL. Perhaps you've run across it in your religious studies, or in the pages of Milton? But then again, maybe not. After all, you're acting as if Palin had no choice.

Sarah Palin could have turned McCain down. Perhaps this is a foreign concept for the right wing because to them, it's simply impossible for a woman's political ambitions to supersede the needs of her children. Why her conservative base hasn't criticized Palin for this, we have no idea.

We cats don't know if Sarah Palin is a fallen souffle or, having made the dark choice, a fallen conservative angel. We can only watch now as she plummets to earth.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

GOP: "Conscience Votes" Are Just For Democrats, Not Us!

By Sniffles

It's been so interesting to see Republicans wring their hands over Al Franken's election to the Senate. They really seem upset about it!

So they cloak their angst in allegedly sage advice. Like: "Be serious." Excuse us, but what do they think Senator Franken's been doing for the last three years? We discovered very early on that once he declared his candidacy, Franken realized that his days of quoting Buddy Hackett jokes from the Catskills were behind him.

But the topper was a "longtime Republican Senate strategist" quoted in The Washington Post this morning. This anonymous idiot said that to establish his credibility, Senator Franken should "vote against the [Democratic] party on something he believes in."

Ridiculous. We cats remember three Republican Senators named Specter, Collins and Snowe voting against their party on the stimulus a few months ago. It was something they really believed in. But that went over in the GOP like a lead balloon.

(PHOTO: Jenna Isaacson, St. Paul Pioneer Press)

S.C. GOP Merely Swats Sanford With a Newspaper

By Zamboni

So the South Carolina Republican Party has chosen simply to censure their lovesick-puppy Governor — instead of throwing him out on his ass like his wife did a few weeks ago.

We cats think this is grand news.

Why? Easy. Since state legislators are evidently too nervous to allow bad boy Andre Bauer take Sanford's place, this virtually guarantees a more contested Republican gubernatorial primary in 2010. And if the Democrats nominate the right candidate, South Carolina — as deeply deep-red as it is — is a state house that we think we could take.

Best of all, the Republican primary will be overshadowed by the eternal specter of Sanford's Argentine "soul mate." Surely Vanity Fair is in Buenos Aires right now, banging on Ms. Chapur's door. We look forward to the article. The last time the magazine published an expose on a Republican Governor, she resigned.

(IMAGE: Yes, we know it's a dog. But cats don't fetch newspapers.)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Party Like It's 1912?

By Baxter

Richard Wolffe and Keith Olbermann just had a conversation on "Countdown" in which Wolffe said the political landscape was ripe for a third-party emergence — but that Sarah Palin would not be the person to lead it.

We cats disagree. Having read endless posts at Free Republic by nutty right wingers fed up to their wazoos with the Republicans, we think a Palin Party is more than possible. These folks would follow their princess out of the GOP in a heartbeat. And, since it's all about her, Sarah, no doubt, would be happy to oblige them by leading the way.

In fact, considering the soon-to-be-former Governor's phony reputation as a huntress of storied Alaskan wildlife, they could decide to name themselves after that moose party from 1912. Except unlike that group, the new mooses wouldn't be very progressive, would they?

But they would surely cripple the Republican Party — maybe forever! So we cats PURR and say, Go, Sarah, Go!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Sarah-Diana Parallels Continue

By Sniffles

"[Diana] needed no royal title to continue to generate her particular brand of magic." —Earl Spencer, Sept. 6, 1997

"I've never thought I needed a title before one's name to forge progress in America." —Governor Sarah Palin, July 4, 2009

You know what, Governor? You kind of need the title. It's the only thing that makes you at all credible outside your nutty right-wing base. (Example: Think of how respectfully Joseph Biden addressed you during your Vice-Presidential debate.)

Also, when you throw off the state and all its trappings, you throw off the protection it offers you, too. We think the former Princess of Wales learned that the hard way.

UPDATE: It looks like we were channeling Tina Brown. Or she was channeling us.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sarah Palin Can't Get Anything Right

"Retreat, hell! We are not retreating, we're just advancing in a different direction."
General Oliver Smith at the Battle of Chosin Reservoir, Korea

Friday, July 3, 2009

Attack of the Crazy GOP Governors

By Zamboni

Boy, are the right-wing nutjobs over at Free Republic unhappy and confused. Their darling, Sarah Palin, is unexpectedly resigning as Alaska Governor.

We cats are just confused. But some thoughts have immediately sprung to mind.

Theory #1: Another shoe is about to drop, either from Vanity Fair or CBS News or from her late, unlamented colleagues from the McCain campaign. Goodness, what could it be? That Levi Johnston is the real father of Trig?

Theory #2: Somebody has offered her a lucrative business deal — either a talk show on FOX (watch your back, Mike Huckabee) or a Cheney-funded, anti-energy-independence think tank to head up — and she desperately needs to make some money.

Theory #3: She's going to spend all her time traveling the country, raising campaign funds for Republicans and, ultimately, running for President in 2012. This is the conventional take which we cats can't help but notice is getting kind of shot down thanks to her strange, rambling demeanor at her announcement today.

Because we're dealing with a serious personality disorder here, we cats will not attempt to make a prediction. But we think there's a 50-50 chance that between now and July 26, Sarah Palin will say, "Never mind." Meanwhile, will somebody please get Lt. Governor Sean Parnell a Valium?

UPDATE: When in doubt, go back to Alaska. Here's the latest wrinkle, reported by The Anchorage Daily News. Did local stuff just catch up with this awful Palin person? And who in the media will point out that Bill Clinton was the origin of the phrase, "the politics of personal destruction"? We cats are not holding our breath.

Norm Coleman Owes Us Money

By Baxter

Over the course of the Minnesota Senate race, we cats gave Al Franken $1,625 in campaign contributions. (Our owners wrote the checks for us, because we don't have any thumbs.)

Since Senators serve for six years, or 2,190 days, we guess you could say that we paid about $1.35 per day to send Al Franken to Washington.

We're not claiming to be special — a lot of people gave Franken a lot more money than we did. But as Norm Coleman and his frivolous lawsuit have managed to lop 239 days off Al's term, by our calculation Coleman owes us $322.65.

Where do we send the invoice, Norm?

UPDATE: It occurs to us that we did our math backwards. Since we're talking about more days than dollars here, we should have divided 1,625 by 2,190 instead of the other way around. Therefore, we must point out that Al Franken's Senate seat has only cost us 74 cents a day, which means that Creepy Normie owes us $176.86.

Unless — look at it this way. If we'd had Al voting on the stimulus package, it might have been bigger. Norm, you owe us a billion dollars!


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Note to Jenny Sanford: God Doesn't Care, and Neither Do We

By Sniffles

We cats would like to amend our previous comment about Jenny Sanford. She's not just a pain in the ass. She's certifiably creepy.

Today she's released a self-righteous new statement about how she's ready to forgive her wayward husband. Here's part of what she says:

"Mark showed a lack of judgment in his recent actions as Governor. However, his far more egregious offenses were committed against God, the institutions of marriage and family, our boys and me."

Brrr! The Palmetto State's first lady not only is icy as a julep, she's missing the point. She's making the mistake of confusing her spouse's performance as a husband with his performance as an elected official. Although we frankly hope Sanford never resigns — the story's too much fun, and too damaging to Republican family values — anybody who'd vanish for days without putting his second banana in charge, and who apparently used public money to finance his trysts, clearly is not fit to stay in office.

It's just another Republican smokescreen. Try to distract people's attention with matters that, in the end, don't make a bit of difference in the lives of voters. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: George Burns in "Oh, God!" — the way we prefer to picture the Deity.)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Happy Canada Day, O Happy Canadians

By Zamboni

It's Canada Day, which means that they'll be handing out thousands of little flags like these during the festivities in Ottawa this afternoon. By the end of the day, many of the flags will probably end up covering the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at the War Memorial, located right smack in the middle of the capital city's busy downtown.

Which we think is nice. How pleasant that you can sit on the terrasse at D'Arcy McGee's Irish Pub, and think about all the guys — one of whom is buried just a stone's throw away — who gave their lives so you can do that. (Sometimes the beauty of democracy is best exemplified by the ability to happily nurse a beer, unmolested and free as air.)

Meanwhile, to mark the 142nd anniversary of the nation's birth, The Globe & Mail has taken a poll of how Canadians feel about being, well, Canadian. The answer: Pretty darn good. Eighty-nine percent believe they live in the best country in the world.

Eighty-seven percent think Canada is weathering the current global economic turmoil better than most countries. Maybe that's because they know how to regulate their banks and handle health care. And 81 percent say that Canada's diversity is one of its greatest strengths.

Forty percent admit to eating a beavertail pastry (yum!). And 54 percent say they attach a Canadian flag to their luggage when they travel. (We cats do that. Especially since the U.S. invaded Iraq.)

But — bad news, Prince Charles. Sixty-five percent of Canadians think they should sever ties with the British monarchy once your mum checks out. So don't start posing for that 20-dollar-bill portrait quite yet.

We cats PURR. Happy Canada Day, everybody. See you in four weeks.

(PHOTO: The Globe & Mail)