By Miss Kubelik
Just one look at Ryan Walters was all it took to know that behind his Christian fanaticism, he was a skeevy hypocrite.
Last week, he proved it. This fine upstanding family man (cough, cough), otherwise known as Oklahoma's Superintendent of Public Instruction, was caught with his proverbial pants down when his office television showed porn during a state board executive meeting. After two board members reported seeing naked women prancing across the screen, Walters feigned surprise but couldn't seem to figure out how to turn it off. Bedlam has ensued.
Well, of course Ryan Walters watches porn! This is right out of Central Casting. Walters has built his brand on crusading against filth and perversion — grabbing harmless books off library shelves, banning the teaching of so-called critical race theory, and foisting the Bible on public schools throughout Oklahoma. (The Trump-endorsed, Lee Greenwood Bible, of course.) He's also anti-choice, pro-gun, and pro-ICE. In other words, awful to the nth degree, and then some.
Since last Thursday, when the porn-y incident occurred, Walters has taken multiple pages from the Trump-MAGA playbook, dissembling and accusing. "Some of these board members are blatantly dishonest and cannot hide their political agenda," he bleated. The board members who saw the porn are "creating distractions," he claimed. Wow, he sounds just like Benedict Donald's frantic flailings in L'Affaire Epstein.
But now Walters has really embraced the crazy. He's claiming a sheriff's investigation has cleared him (it has not) and has accused ruby-red Republican Governor Kevin Stitt of being behind the whole thing. "The governor needs to answer the questions," Walters said today. "Did he tell these board members to come in here and do this? Did you coordinate with them afterwards to set all this up after the fact when you couldn’t disrupt the meeting?"
Gee, this is fun. Keep fighting, Oklahoma Republicans. (Meanwhile, a short memo to Mrs. Ryan Walters: We know any dreams you may have had of being Oklahoma's first lady are probably over, but girl, get yourself a fashion consultant, like, yesterday. We cats PURR.)
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