Tim Pawlenty Hires Bill Ayers!

By Zamboni

Whoops! Guess we made a mistake. Wrong Ayers.

But in the fine tradition of FOX "News" and the right-wing spin machine, we cats won't bother to issue a correction. We'll just let the thought lie out there.... percolating.

France Says "Non" to the Niqab

By Sniffles

Today, France's ban on the niqab and the burqa went into effect, and women insisting on wearing the Muslim veils were arrested.

And we cats say, "Degoutant!"

Don't get us wrong. We cats firmly support gender equality. We completely believe in a progressive society with total separation of church and state. So when French President Nicholas Sarkozy says that women should not be oppressed, and that veiling Muslim women is an affront to the modern secular state, we are sorely tempted to agree.

But something feels very, very wrong about this.

It's not just that only a couple of thousand women in France are affected by the ban. (Although it's ironic that the anti-niqab folks' efforts probably will end up isolating those women more than the veil itself — by forcing them to stay at home rather than violate their religious principles.)

It just seems to us that an open, liberal, diverse society should be able to tolerate silly dress. Goodness knows we here in America do that every time a Tea Party rally is held. And Rome does it every time the College of Cardinals meets.

Besides, you start in on the Muslim niqab, and what's next? Jewish prayer shawls? Yarmulkes? Orthodox guys who wear big furry hockey pucks on their heads? Knowing France's history of anti-Semitism, we cats have an uncomfortable feeling of slippery slope here.

So, aujourd'hui, we cats say: France, nous vous aimons. We love your food, your wine, your language, your Eiffel Tower, and Albert Camus. But we don't love this law. You should dump it, tout de suite!

Bush Clone

By Baxter

We cats recall mentioning just a little over a week ago that Conservative Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper was running an inexplicably negative election campaign. This in spite of the fact that the country is in good enough shape for the Tories to be sunny and positive.

Hmmmm.... negativity. Remind you of anyone? Lee Atwater, Alex Castellanos, Karl Rove, Ken Mehlman? The list of Republican attack dogs goes on and on.

Well, now The Globe & Mail has noticed, too. And they believe they know whom to blame for it. "Has U.S.-style 'voter suppression' made it to Canada's election?" they ask.

Seems that pounding voters on the heads about the opposition's inherent awfulness — which Harper is doing — is depressing and wearying, and tends to discourage people from going to the polls.

Consider us cats embarrassed. We'd like to think that American democracy is a wondrous, inspiring export — not something on the level of Japanese nuclear waste water or Africanized killer bees, for heaven's sake. And if the Conservatives' negativity brings them electoral success in a few weeks, we don't know how we'll hold up our heads the next time we visit Montreal.

Yes, we're embarrassed — but not surprised. We cats always knew Stephen Harper had a direct phone line to the RNC. This just proves it.

(IMAGE: The boys, cuddling.)

Armageddon Averted — Teabaggers Complain

By Miss Kubelik

So, no government shutdown. Millions of Americans will receive their tax refunds, the economy won't be crippled just as it's starting to improve, and the Cherry Blossom Festival Parade will march its original route today after all.

Normal people are relieved. But to the folks who hang out at Free Republic, our favorite online corner of teabagger rage, last night's budget agreement means that the country is doomed. And that the Republicans are traitors.

Yep, traitors. That was the word used right out of the box by Eric T., a Freeper whose moniker includes the unsettling parenthetical question, "Can we start hanging them yet?" This charming lad's profile includes the harrowing tale of his escape from the horribly Democratic state of "Khalifornistan" to the friendlier, teabaggier confines of Nashville, Tennessee.

Which means we're wondering how our Freeper friend Eric feels about Tennessee Senator Bob Corker's recent characterization of the budget battle as a waste of time over "powder puffs." (We're not sure what Senator Corker is saying here. Is he telling the teabaggers that their beliefs are insubstantial and unimportant? Or does he mean that only women — the predominant users, as far as we know, of powder puffs — benefit from environmental regulations, use Planned Parenthood, or listen to National Public Radio? If the latter, Corker could be agreeing with Majority Leader Harry Reid, who likened teabagger intransigence to "throw[ing] women under the bus.")

But back to the Freeper comments. Hours before yesterday's budget deal was done, they were already venting. Here are some of the choicer excerpts. Our glee at their anger — and at John Boehner's certain discomfiture — is tempered only by the fact that we'll have to go through this all over again in six months.

"If the GOP doesn’t have the guts for a shutdown now... they won’t have the guts for one later. If they can’t stick to their principles now, they won’t stick to them later."

"If you aren’t willing to dig in the heels over some things as tiny as this, how can you ever lead on the saving of the nation?

"Why is that it's our side that always caves and compromises?"

"They want the Tea Party to become the 'Blacks' of the Republican Party....No thanks!"

"Boehner is a Bowel Movement."

And here's our personal favorite. Watch out on the road for this guy:

"Sorry for the spelling I’m driving while typing"

Glenn Beck Hates (Fat) America

"If I want to be a fat, fat, fattie and shovel French fries all day long, that is my choice. But, oh ho. No, not so fast anymore. Because now we have the new fact, whether you like it or not, we have government health care now... [T]he nation's health care costs are directly tied to the government, and obesity is one of — if not the most costly conditions, costing you and me now at least $150 billion a year.

"You know those fat people who sit in their couch — and I mean really fat... I mean the people who, like — their skin grows into the couch. And then, you know, they call the fire department and they cut them out of the wall, and then they have to bring in a truck, and then they take them to the hospital. I say let them die."

—Glenn Beck, September 14, 2010

No Return to Normalcy

By Zamboni

These are not normal political times. How do we cats know? Because Rick Santorum is taken seriously.

By whom, we're not sure. To us, Santorum is an off-the-charts right-wing fool whom the voters of Pennsylvania were silly enough to twice elect as their U.S. Senator. (Thankfully, they came to their senses in 2006.) But now, the Republican Party has become so fringey-nutsy that Santorum is considered some kind of credible candidate for President, and he merits mentions on POLITICO's "2012 Live" calendar.

For example: Today, Santorum spoke to the Home School Legal Defense Association's Pacific Home School Conference in Santa Clara, California. POLITICO listed it as one of his events. Ho hum.

Ya know — in normal times, it would be an automatic disqualifier for a Presidential candidate to speark to such an inherently un-American group. America wouldn't be America if not for the shared experience of public education. Public schools helped make generations of immigrants true citizens of this country. Public schools are (pardon the expression) as American as apple pie.

Home schooling? Home schooling is creating a generation of Bible-quoting, science- and math-denying, fundamentalist automatons who won't be able to come up with an original thought if their lives depended on it. Children who are home-schooled will grow up knowing nothing — literally, figuratively and historically — about people who don't look, and act, and think like them. Home schooling contributes to the Balkanization of our country. It's bad for America.

If Ronald Reagan had spoken to such an outrageously fringe, far-right Christian group as the home schoolers in 1980, the media would have immediately drummed him out of the Presidential race as a ridiculously senile idealogue. But Rick Santorum speaks to these folks today, and nobody bats an eye. All is right (pun intended) with the world.

How far have our standards of acceptability fallen.

There's only one party, one ideology, and one religious movement to blame for it. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Norman Rockwell... who's more American than that?)

Republicans Are SO SMART!

By Sniffles

A Democrat has won Scott Walker's old Milwaukee County Executive position, but right now the Wisconsin Supreme Court race is too close to call.

This is amazing since a few months ago, the Republican Supreme Court candidate issued a press release saying that he would be "a common-sense compliment [sic]" to Walker and the draconian Wisconsin state legislature.

We cats are wondering why Wisconsinites would want a Supreme Court Justice who can't spell. This, on top of a GOP campaign operative who recently said it would be good if the 2012 Presidential candidates had "less debates."

These are the people we want running things, right?

(IMAGE: Wisconsin's Supreme Court candidates. The guy on the left is the Republican who doesn't know the difference between "complement" and "compliment.")

Justice — And A Lack Thereof

By Baxter

Okay, we cats need to get over a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. Not only has Southwest Airlines grounded a ton of planes because they might peel open mid-flight, but bodies from the 2009 Air France crash have been found on the ocean floor. Brrrr!

What better way to distract ourselves than to scream about the sad, sorry developments on the KSM front?

We cats should have known that the idea of trying an alleged September 11 conspirator in a federal court in the heart of Manhattan was too good to be true. Today, Attorney General Holder announced that the Obama Administration had thrown in the towel and decided to try Khalid Sheik Mo-whatshisname in a military tribunal at Gitmo.

So, in short, we're back where we started from — in Bush/Cheney Land. Consider us cats disgusted.

On the other hand, Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick has nominated an openly gay woman to serve on the state's Supreme Judicial Court.

Two steps back, one step forward. Not quite even steven, but we're getting there.

(IMAGE: Nope, this isn't Lady Justice, but sometimes this is how we cats feel about the frustrating lack of progress in our country. Ah, well — tomorrow is another day.)

Fire In a Crowded Theater (of War)

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are on sensory overload from hateful comments we've seen defending the Quran-burning jerk in Florida. (We refuse to use his name, ever again. Dick Durbin is right — the guy only wants publicity.)

Commenters at POLITICO and other sites not only champion the jerk, but they want to burn all Qurans and deport all Muslims from America. Sigh. So full of bile and venom. We cats are tired of bile and venom. There's way too much of it these days.

Which is not to say that we're against free speech, although we're none too fond of book burning. If the jerk in Florida (and why is it always Florida?) doesn't understand the value of America being admired, rather than hated, around the world, there's probably nothing we can do about that. But like those morons from Wichita, we'd be satisfied if the guy's 30-member "church" could have its tax exemption taken away.

Meanwhile, for what feels like the umpteenth time, we cats wearily caution our fellow Americans to appreciate the tremendous responsibility that the First Amendment confers upon us. It is not a right to be taken lightly, abused or used immaturely. People can react, and often not well. We cats know this, which is why we don't go out to our nearby Virginia state highway and burn a Confederate flag.

Tidbits and Cat Treats — "No April Fool" Edition

By Zamboni

Happy April Fool's Day. This is just a note to tell you that, unfortunately, everything we cats are commenting on this evening is true. To wit:

What better evidence do we have that Canada's Tory Prime Minster Stephen Harper is a U.S. Republican soul mate than the Globe & Mail's complaint that he's playing the politics of fear? "Mr. Harper has chosen to run a 'be afraid, vote against' campaign, instead of something more aspirational," they lament. Well, duh, everybody. That's how Republicans — and the people who emulate them — conduct themselves.

What's really sad, of course, is that after five years under a Tory minority government, Canada's current state of the union is copacetic enough for Harper to run a positive campaign — you know, a Canuck version of "Morning in America"? Clearly, he's taking his cues from the dark, not the sunny, side of the GOP.

And speaking of Republican history, is it possible that the famous killer from Alaska is the one potential 2012 candidate with any kind of quasi-military credentials? (We say "quasi," only because she has a son who served in Iraq.) We cats think maybe the answer to that question is yes. It's mind-boggling. The GOP traditionally has abused Democrats on this issue, whether they were war heroes (George McGovern, John Kerry) or not (Bill Clinton). But did Haley Barbour, Newt Gingrich, Mitch Daniels, Mitt Romney, Donald Trump, Mike Huckabee, Tim Pawlenty or any of the other Republican clowns serve? No, they did not.

Finally, we cats are amazed and disgusted that 12 people at the U.N. compound in Aghanistan had to lose their lives because Terry Jones is an idiot. We seem to remember opining that the freedom of speech carries with it grave responsibilities. Apparently, that sentiment has fallen on deaf ears. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Yes, that's a new paw print. We got tired of the old one. Which isn't to say that we won't use it again.)