Let's Root Out Homophobia (And Bad Passive Tense)

By Zamboni

Tom Hurd and Dylan Toften, a gay couple in Root, New York, will receive a $25,000 settlement after their town clerk denied them a marriage license in 2018 (2018!). The clerk also publicly apologized at this week's town board meeting.

But before you start popping the champagne, check out what she said:

"On July 30 of last year, there was an unfortunate incident involving Mr. Thomas Hurd and Mr. Dylan Toften, who came to my office seeking a marriage license."

"There was an unfortunate incident"? WHUT? How about something more accurate and responsibility-taking, like "I broke the law by refusing to issue Mssrs. Hurd and Toften a marriage license"? Jeez. So Reaganesque, so "mistakes were made."

It would be nice if this grammatically challenged clerk lost her job. We're also wondering why the town of Root "will amend its policies to permit [gay] marriages." "Will"? Hello! The Supreme Court's decision in Obergefell v. Hodges was nearly four years ago. What the heck is the town of Root waiting for? We cats HISS.

Beyond The Pale.

By Sniffles

A Muslim Congresswoman makes a speech with a throwaway reference to 9/11 — and a right-wing media mogul who helped Republicans exploit that horrible day just put a photo like this on his front page. As you'd expect, the Congresswoman's death threats have spiked.

We won't mention the newspaper or its owner — or reproduce its cover (and its hateful headline) here. But a friend had a family member in the South Tower who probably died at this moment of impact. So we hope she didn't see this today. We cats HISS.

Girls (And Science) Rule!

By Hubie and Bertie

On a truly terrible news day, it's uplifting to note that the just-unveiled image of a black hole is the work of a woman.

Computer scientist Katie Bouman developed the algorithm that translated telescopic data into the picture we've all marveled at today. We cats don't understand even a smidgen of how she did it (we were really good in English), but who cares? Hooray for women in STEM!

There's just one thing that makes us cranky — aside from the fact that we're not sure Professor Bouman is getting the recognition she deserves. How ironic that we're celebrating this amazing scientific achievement at the same time that idiots on Earth are denying climate change and campaigning against vaccines.

For every Katie Bouman there are a zillion morons. We cats HISS.

A Quickie: Ted Lieu Gives D-List Right-Wing Celebrity Her Comeuppance

We cats were cheering today for Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu, who in a hearing on white nationalism — to which some nonentity named Candace Owens was inexplicably invited — hoisted the aforementioned Ms. Owens on her own petard.

You know, there's simply no substitute for playing back the haters' words to them. (In this case, it was video of Owens saying that Adolf Hitler was a-okay until he started making trouble outside of Germany. We guess that means that murdering Jews at home is just fine.)

We expect to see this image of Lieu on a T-shirt soon. In the meantime, we cats PURR.

Mayor Pete Nails Fellow Hoosier's Hypocrisy

By Baxter

Sometimes we cats wonder, gee — do we really still have to have the conversation about how being gay is not a choice? But then we hear speeches like the one Pete Buttigieg gave this weekend, and we remember the old adage: Ya gotta meet voters where they are.

Many of Mayor Pete's comments were aimed at the execrable faux-Christian Mike Pence and his merry band of evangelical homophobes. With an adorable observation about how the decision to be gay is one that's made "far, far above my pay grade," Buttigieg addressed Pence directly. "If you got a problem with who I am, your problem is not with me — your quarrel, sir, is with my creator."

Smackdown! We can't wait to see if Pence (or even Benedict Donald) replies.

Meanwhile, Mayor Pete hasn't even announced for President yet, and he's had more magic moments than Hillary and Bernie in 2016 combined. We cats love our deep Democratic bench, but we have to admit that when it comes to this 37-year-old mayor of South Bend, we are smitten kittens. His speech on Sunday just infatuated us more. It was a textbook example of how to:

• Take down the evilness of Trump and Pence without getting into the gutter with them.
• Be a progressive and still talk about values and faith.
• Rebut Democrats (looking at you, Joe Biden) who attempt to give Pence any kind of a pass by being "a decent guy." Pence is not, repeat, not decent.
• Give notice to the odious Pence: He can't hide. He will be an issue in the 2020 campaign.

Sigh. If only Joe Lieberman had taken it to Dick Cheney the way Buttigieg took it to Pence yesterday. President Gore would have won both the popular vote and the Electoral College. Oh, well. It's better to look forward and not back — and Mayor Pete is a Democratic future we can believe in. We cats PURR.

Nielsen Resigns, Bergen-Belsen Down One Guard

By Miss Kubelik

It's hard to get all sentimental and squishy about someone as horrible as Kirstjen Nielsen resigning as DHS Secretary. She is responsible for damaging, and outright ruining, the lives of countless people who had the nerve to seek asylum in the United States. (You know, that whole "give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" thing? These Trumpsters sure don't.)

And we don't know what Nielsen's reputation was like before she followed the hapless John Kelly into the Benedict Donald Administration, but if it was benign in the past, it sure ain't now. Like everyone else Trump touches, Nielsen has been tarnished forever. She will go down in history as a torturer of children.

It seems a minor point compared to the suffering that she's inflicted, but with Nielsen gone, the Benedict Donald Cabinet just got a little more testosterone-y. Of course, it's hard to tell since there's such a revolving door (and so many "acting" Secretaries) that one can't really keep track. But Nielsen's pussy, at least, is one that Trump will no longer have the opportunity to grab.

We gladly bid the Nazi Nielsen a not-so-fond goodbye. May she be hounded out of restaurants till the end of her days. We cats HISS.

Journalists: Orange You Ashamed?

By Zamboni

The most depressing thing about the Barr cover-up of the Mueller report is how thoroughly the press bought the "exoneration" narrative — despite a verbatim line from the letter saying "not exonerated."

Headlines have changed since then, because of course nobody's actually read the Mueller report. But it was still dispiriting to see the media's Trump credulity in action once again. Michelle Wolf was so right when she told the roomful of journalists at last year's WHCD, "I think you love him." That made for one frosty ballroom!

And now The Washington Times has followed suit with a Donald Trump interview, in which Mr. Tertiary Syphilis pushes back against beyond-the-grave slams from Barbara Bush. "I have heard that she was nasty to me, but she should be," he said. "Look what I did to her sons."

Here's where the Times interviewers failed: The diaries that Bush biographer Susan Page quoted from — and in which Bar expresses loathing for all things Trump — date back to 1991, nearly 15 years before he first started criticizing George W. Bush for his numerous failings, and a full 25 years before he came up with "Low-Energy Jeb."

Then again, it is the Moonie-founded Times. But still shamefully deficient. And indicative of the double standard by which Trump is treated. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: We cats think we know where Laura Bush got her "crazy eyes" look from.)

No Going Back Over The Mountain

via GIPHY

By Sniffles

There have been many moments in the last few years in which we cats have said to ourselves, "That's it — politically, we'll never be the same after this."

Yesterday's triggering of the Senate's nuclear option is just the latest case in point — the most recent example of a rule-slash-tradition-slash-commonsense-gesture-of-conciliation-and-cooperation that the Trumpsters have trampled on. The question is how much of it we can get back after they're mercifully gone.

But one of the developments that has most upset us is the possibility that Benedict Donald, in spite and fury, will actually close the border with Mexico. Yes, we know he's backed off, but the mere fact that he even mentioned it has sent us into paroxysms of panic.

You know when borders get closed? When the Nazis are on the march. When Maria, Captain von Trapp and the children are trying to escape Austria, and they end up having to walk over the freaking Alps to get to Switzerland. We remember watching that 50-plus years ago with horror and dread, but at the same time feeling safe in the knowledge that such a thing could never happen in our time, in our lives.

And now here it is being talked about. How much damage has Trump done to our relationship with Mexico, and will that key ally ever be able to trust us again? We cats wouldn't blame them if that was a mountain too high for them to climb, and we HISS.

A Quickie: History Made

Congratulations to the city of Chicago for electing its first female/African-American/openly gay mayor. We hope Lori Lightfoot has a smooth transition to the job that Rahm Emanuel inexplicably wanted (and in our opinion, was less than swell at, bless his heart).

May Wisconsinites deliver just as satisfying a verdict in their Supreme Court election tonight, in which a highly competent woman is running against one of the right-wingiest of right-wing pigs. Our paws are crossed. We cats PURR.

It's Called "Happy Warrior"

By Hubie and Bertie

Well, everyone, it's time to talk about Joe Biden.

We weren't intending to do this, because we suspect that the recent rash of Biden-is-touching-me stories are part of a nefarious ruse to get Democrats to say negative things about each other. And we do have some negative things to say about our former Vice President, mostly having to do with Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill.

We've refrained, though — trusting that the 2020 primary process will naturally sort all these matters out. It probably still will. But we have to say that we're not impressed by the latest kerfuffle over Biden's, shall we say, exuberance.

The latest stories' timing is definitely suspicious, but even if it wasn't, our immediate reaction would still be: This is silly. We've seen Joe Biden up close and personally, and well before George H.W. Bush, Donald Trump and yes, Al Franken were exposed as gropers, we witnessed Biden handle a racy, bring-the-house-down joke from — GASP! — a woman with humor and grace. Biden is a guy who understands the moment. We don't know how else to describe it.

On the other hand, you wouldn't have this the-candidate-is-touching-women-inappropriately problem with, say, Pete Buttigieg. Or with Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, Elizabeth Warren or Kirsten Gillibrand. (We left out Tulsi Gabbard on purpose.) So there's that.

Joe Biden is not our first choice for 2020. He has many flaws — but #MeToo is not one of them. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

(IMAGE: Wow, talk about the shoe on the other paw: He lets dogs kiss him. Now, that's taking one for the team.)