"One Nation, Indivisible"

By Sniffles

Back when we were kittens, we cats had the occasion to meet Dr. George M. Docherty, the pastor at Washington's New York Avenue Presbyterian Church. He was no spring chicken even then, so we were astonished to see his obit just now, in The Washington Post.

Dr. Docherty was pretty progressive in a lot of ways, and not so in others. He was active in the civil rights movement, but he had a ways to go, we think, when it came to women's rights and gay rights. But that's okay. Since he died at 97 we'd be safe saying that he came from a whole 'nuther generation on stuff like that.

However, there's one Docherty legacy with which, we now believe, we must take a moment to quibble: Helping inspire Congress to put "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance.

The Post obit quotes him: "I came from Scotland, where we said 'God save our gracious Queen.' Here was the Pledge... and God wasn't in it at all."

You got that right, Reverend Docherty, and that's the way it should have stayed. Here in America we have a pesky thing called separation of church and state. And the Pledge was doing just fine for many, many years until you came along and messed with it.

We never said any of this to the late Dr. Docherty's face, and we're glad that we didn't. Water under the bridge and all that. But we can't help wishing that he'd be remembered for marching to Selma instead of giving us a part of the Pledge that we don't repeat. As someone of more recent political vintage has been known to say, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Idiots Pardon Turkeys. Smart People Help Others.

The Obama family helps distribute food to needy Chicagoans at the St. Columbanus Parish on the South Side.

(Photo: Zbigniew Bzdak / Chicago Tribune)

Memo to the Man in the Cheese Aisle: Get Lost

By Zamboni

John McCain held a news conference on Tuesday, and we cats are very tempted to quote Bill Maher to him. "GO AWAY. If we wanted to see more of you, we would have voted for you."

Why are we so cranky this day before Thanksgiving? Well, it isn't just that Sarah Palin has totally put us off our turkey. It's that we're getting fed up with Senator McCain continuing to defend an indefensible campaign.

We have to break the news to him: You can say a ton of nice things about Barack Obama now, Senator, but as soon as you declare that you're proud of those American Bund rallies you held, and proud of that jackass you picked for a running mate, you lose us.

Sure, McCain is probably doing it to needle the Republican "boys" he ran against in the primaries — and the other Republican "boys" who have their eye on 2012. (Tim, Haley, Mitt, Mike, Newt, Jeb, Charlie, Bobby, etc. — you know who you are.) We're sure they're furious that McCain has elevated a clueless idiot as a potential GOP primary rival, and we're glad that that bugs them.

But McCain didn't just put Palin smack in the middle of their road to 2012. He put her in our lives at the same time. And we'll simply never forgive him for that.

So, John, we're happy to pay you back by savoring one of the worst moments of your sorry campaign for the Presidency (see above). And we hereby declare that this holiday season, we're thankful that America rejected you, your faux "Country First" slogan, and your airhead running mate.

So there, PURR.

America's Chateau d'If

By Baxter

So the Bush Administration, after years of bellowing that he was a dangerous terrorist, has finally negotiated Salim Ahmed Hamdan's handover to his native country, Yemen.

Hamdan is a guy who falls into our "poor slob" category — a hapless jerk who was picked up after September 11, 2001, on a flimsy pretense. And whose case would have efficiently sorted out — if American justice had been left to its own, very sensible devices.

But, no. The Bush Administration had other ideas — so Mr. Hamdan is the 21st-century version of Jean Valjean. (Or Edmond Dantes, depending on which literary classic appeals to you.)

It occurs to us cats that Mr. Hamdan — who was convicted on far lesser charges than George W. Bush (or Dick Cheney) would have preferred — has spent more time in unwarranted United States custody than John McCain did, as a captive of the Viet Cong, in Viet Nam. Does this mean that Mr. Hamdan has a brilliant political career ahead of him, simply because he suffered an unjust captivity? Not to draw comparisons. Just sayin'.

We cats SNARL at the fact that the U.S. justice system could ever be put in this sorry-ass position: lumped in the same category as the tyrannies of the world. It'll take a long time before America can extricate itself from the days it turned its back on the Geneva Conventions. In the meantime, we hope that Senator Obama's Administration will be able to sort through these horrors and put them right.

Thanks, But No, Thanks, Governor You-Know-Who

By Sniffles

Right-wing nutjobs are still living in that mystifying alternate universe in which George W. Bush has not brought America to its economic knees, the recession is Senator Obama's fault, and Mike Huckabee isn't Christian or conservative enough.

The latest example of nut-jobbery is the "Thank You, Sarah Palin" T.V. spots that a group calling itself "Our Country Deserves Better" is running in Alaska. This is the same political action committee that ran the "Stop Obama" bus tour. (Gee, that worked out well.) Says the PAC's spokesman on the ads, "Governor Palin inspired millions of Americans by fighting for common-sense conservative principles in a positive and uplifting manner."

"Positive" and "uplifting"? These folks must have watched a different general election. The McCain-Palin campaign was an almost wholly negative one, questioning Senator Obama's character and patriotism, and coming close to inciting violence against the Democratic nominee. Congressman John Lewis finally warned the Republicans that their tactics were "sowing the seeds of hatred and division" and "playing with fire."

Fortunately, though, the voters also decided that our country deserved better.

On Election Day, they gave us Senator Obama. Thanks, America!

Crist Marriage Doomed

By Zamboni

But not for the reason you think. (Although, that doesn't help.)

The Miami Herald reports this morning that the Charlie Crist-Carole Rome wedding invitations have gone out. And it's — gasp! — "black tie optional."

We're sorry, but if Governor Crist has larger career ambitions in mind (and we suspect he does, hence this, um, engagement), he simply must understand that no self-respecting political couple would ever make their wedding guests decide how to dress.

All the Governor has to do is pick up a copy of any book by Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, the ultimate authority on all things correct.

Weddings are either formal or informal. "Semi-formal," under which the horrid "black tie optional" would fall, simply doesn't exist. "When you refuse to tell the guests what to wear... each of them shows up for a different party," Miss Manners explains. "When each of the guests are all secretly convinced that they are the ones who are incorrectly dressed, it throws a damper on the festivities."

Not that there isn't already a pretty big damper on that wedding! But we cats will not discuss elephants, either in or out of the room. What we will say is that Governor Crist should find the moxie to tell his guests whether or not they should wear white tie, black tie or business suits.

Media in a Lather (As Usual)

By Baxter

Why do the folks in the media overblow things? Must be all that on-air time they have to fill.

In other words, we cats are mighty unimpressed with the alleged fuss surrounding the potential nomination of Senator Clinton for Secretary of State. Not that we don't think it's a brilliant choice; we do.

We're just getting awful tired of the talking heads' breathless coverage of the whole thing. If they're not parroting the (already tired) "No Drama Obama" line, they're wildly speculating about anything and everything. Subjects range from the role, if any, "Bill" will play, to his finances, to his speeches, and his influence, blah blah blah.

Gee. These are the same folks who don't give a rat's ass (pardon our French, but we think rats' asses are delicious) about Bush Senior's — and Bush Junior's — cozy relationships with the Saudis, and all those no-bid contracts enjoyed by Dick Cheney, Halliburton, and Blackwater in Iraq. No, we have to get all worked up about Bill Clinton's library donors, and his speaking schedule.

You know what? Somehow we don't think the "drama" is on the Obama side of life. Senator Obama appears to have made an interesting and wise choice, and they're working out the details of it. That's all.

In short, no drama, folks. Not even a tragedy. But where the media are concerned, apparently it's Comedy Tonight.

(Photo: Jim Young / Reuters)

The Real Turkey? Sarah Palin, Of Course

By Sniffles

We refuse to post the Sarah Palin-turkey slaughter video. (But if you absolutely must watch it, it's easy to find.)

The reasons we aren't jumping on the bandwagon? Well, first, we don't think turkeys would appreciate it. Not that we felines are particularly kind to birds — we've been known to kill a few and leave them on your doorstep if we like you. But we can just imagine how we'd feel if Governor Palin were interviewed while an animal shelter staff euthanized cats in the background. (Oh, God, that's next, isn't it?)

Second, we are heartily, heartily sick of this awful woman and her grating voice and her glasses and her winking and her coffee cup and her clothes and her Burberry scarf. And her trailer-trash family. And the way she's ridiculed people — like community organizers — who try to make people's lives better every day.

Third, we're thinking that tofu for dinner next Thursday might be a good idea.

So, forget it. You won't see the video here. But at the same time, we can't help wondering how Tina Fey and the "Saturday Night Live" crowd would have handled this latest example of Palin idiocy.

UPDATE: Our thanks to the staff at MSNBC's "Countdown" just now, for obscuring the more gruesome parts of the video with pixels. It made it almost watchable. But we're reminded that for the second time in less than two weeks, Governor Palin has been front and center in a very, very badly managed public event. (Remember those unhappy GOP governors lined up behind her at the aborted press conference in Miami?) And this woman is the alleged future face of the Republican Party! Mike and Mitt, Jeb and Bobby, and Haley and Tim must be gnashing their teeth — and cursing John McCain — with renewed energy tonight.

You Heard It Here First

By Zamboni

The New York Times is hot on the trail of the mysteriously timed Alaska tourism letter. (See our earlier post, "Off and Running... With Whose Money?")

The folks at the Alaska Travel Industry Association aver that the invitation for a FREE Alaska travel guide was in the works well before Senator McCain impulsively picked Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. Still, we cats find everything connected with this particular Governor to be suspicious. She's so ambitious that we're certain she leaves nothing to chance.

Besides, if you were a Governor and wanted to attract tourists to your state — let's say, to the state of Alaska — wouldn't you feature gorgeous photos of mountains and streams and moose — instead of a head shot of, um, yourself?

We cats narrow our eyes and switch our tails. But we're happy our non-Republican friend who received this mailing is sending it back with a fake e-mail address. Have fun with it, Sarah!

(Image: The New York Times)

Gee, This is Fun!

By Baxter

And the GOP circular firing squad continues.

Conservative columnist Kathleen Parker writes in today's Washington Post that to recover from its recent election defeats, the Republican Party should abandon its religious base. And the right-wing blogosphere is, predictably, going nuts.

We cats don't presume to have visited every site, but here's just some of the anti-Parker vitriol that's flying around in Elephant World. Mind you, while we don't approve of some of the vulgarities, we have cleaned up the grammatical and punctuation errors somewhat. There's no possible way to clean up the misogyny, though.

"RINOs like KP can kiss my ass."

"The left is clueless about God."

"Kathleen needs to STFU about conservatives and go to a cocktail party with her new Marxist pals."

"Wow. This ignorant cow needs a protein injection."

"Is this just sour grapes, or PMS?"

"We've already established what you are, Mrs. Parker. Now, we're just haggling over the price."

"The reason McCain lost in 2000 was because he came out just before an important primary and downright insulted evangelicals. I remember people in my church being outraged, and quite a few of them switching to Bush from McCain."

"Wait until God gives up on you, Ma Parker. You won't like that day. Nor afterwards." (We cats ask: Does this sound like a threat? We think maybe yes.)

"We win! We have Sarah and they don't!"