Fantasies And Fearmongering

By Hubie and Bertie

House Republicans have a sadz. This week, lots of sadzs.

They've been furiously investigating the foreign business dealings of Hunter Biden, which pale in comparison to the Trump spawn's. What's a measely $10 million compared to $2 billion from the Saudis? We're not seeing Gym Jordan dragging Ivanka and Jared in for hearings, are we?

Even though they held a breathless news conference about this, um, non-news, they ultimately had to admit that they've found nothing to link Dark Brandon to anything Hunter has done. "Their presentation underscored how little headway top GOP lawmakers have made in finding clear evidence of questionable transactions they can tie to Mr. Biden," The New York Times reports. (Check out their body language in these photos — particularly Gym's — and you'll see.)

The GOP was also eagerly anticipating a chaotic surge at the US border with Mexico once COVID restrictions expired Thursday night. Team Gym held screaming hearings about the coming invasion, and Trumpsters tweeted images of surging migrant crowds, to strike fear in the hearts of white Americans. (One problem: The photos dated back to 2018. Who was President then?) But yesterday the border was calm. Sorry, guys.

Finally, this week's House hearing on DA Alvin Bragg's indictment of Benedict Donald completely blew up in the Republicans' faces, thanks to witness Mark Pomerantz. Mind you, the hearings are an unconstitutional interference into the work of a local prosecutor, but that doesn't stop the House MAGAts. They thought they'd hit pay dirt with the prosecutor who resigned from Bragg's staff February 2022. But his opening statement — and subsequent refusal to answer questions — called them on their political theater, and shut them right down. You can read the statement here. We cats PURR.