Next Thing You Know, Pete Hegseth Will Be Slapping Soldiers

By Zamboni

This is probably what the pathetic Pete Kegstand was trying to recreate at Marine Corps Base Quantico this morning.

What he doesn't understand is that the film Patton — made during the height of Vietnam — was trying to come to terms with the American penchant for war and what Republican President Dwight D. Eisenhower, supreme US commander during World War II, dubbed the military industrial complex. Eisenhower is not a character in the movie, but he looms over it. It's an important work of art.

A main reason for its greatness is George C. Scott's masterful performance. (He refused the Oscar he deservedly won, by the way.) If only Scott were around to weigh in on Trump & Co.— we bet he'd have some choice words. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

"We're Marching To A Faster Pace / Look Out, Here Comes The Master Race"

 

From all accounts, the flag officers who were forced to fly in from around the world to listen to cringe-y authoritarian dreck spewed by Benedict Donald and Pete Kegstand bore up stoically. But what were they silently thinking? Maybe something like this.

Every one of them has a decision to make: What will they do when Trump orders them to commit an unconstitutional act? Let's hope they have a plan, because the country depends on it. We cats HISS.

Terrible Trumpsters

By Baxter

Since the media won't talk about it, we'll have to.

Topic A — While the Trumpsters have been loudly trying to pin recent mass shootings on transgender people or "leftists," news has quietly surfaced that the gunman who killed four and burned the Mormon church in Grand Blanc, Michigan, was a Trump supporter.

So, here's a question: The alleged killer of Charlie Kirk was raised Mormon. At the bizarre Kirk "memorial" event in Arizona last week, Benedict Donald said, "I hate my opponent and I don't want the best for them." Was the guy in Michigan inspired by Trump's comment to take out a bunch of Mormons?

Topic B — Will the press ever recognize Donald Trump's racism? Why do they still tiptoe around it? He's sending in the military to invade minority-majority American cities, telling ICE to seize people based on the color of their skin, hosting Nick Fuentes for dinner at Mar-a-Lago, and then yesterday he posted this.)

Topic C — MAGA World has been obsessed with pedophilia for some time now. (Recall that the "Pizzagate" shooter in 2016 thought that Democrats were trafficking minors out of the restaurant's basement.)

Now, we know: It's all been a massive case of projection. Trump, Elon Musk, Steve Bannon, Peter Thiel and who knows how many other Republicans are in the Epstein files, which the Congressional GOP is desperately trying to suppress. And every cis white man who's been arrested lately on child porn charges or child sexual abuse is a Trumpster. Here's the newest one, from South Carolina. (In case you're wondering, he's a former executive director of the Club for Growth and a proud member of the NRA.)

Journalists, the balls are in your court. Or are you too busy repeating Donald's talking points, delicately skirting them with vague language, or both-sidesing us all to death? We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Thomas Jacob Sanford, Mormon murderer)

Please Make A Note Of It

"Racism tends to attract attention when it's flagrant and filled with invective. But like all bigotry, the most potent component of racism is frame-flipping — positioning the bigot as the actual victim.

"So the gay do not simply want to marry; they want to convert our children into sin. The Jews do not merely want to be left in peace; they actually are plotting world takeover. And the Blacks are not actually victims of American power, but beneficiaries of the war against hardworking whites.

"This is a respectable, more sensible bigotry, one that does not seek to name-call, preferring instead to change the subject and straw man."

—Ta-Nehisi Coates

Winsome, Read The Room

By Sniffles

On the eve of a government shutdown, which could throw a whole lot of Virginia residents who are federal employees out of work, the Republican candidate for governor has decided that there's nothing more important to talk about than those pesky transgender folks.

Lt. Governor Winsome Earle-Sears has just launched a campaign ad accusing Democrat Abigail Spanberger of wanting "boys to play sports and share locker rooms with little girls."

Oh, sigh. Maybe so-called parents' rights issues worked for that empty sweater-vest known as Glenn Youngkin back in 2021, but that election feels like light-years ago now. And even the GOP is admitting that Earle-Sears is lagging because she refuses to address the issues that people are worrying about today. "One of the common complaints or observations as to why she hasn’t been catching fire is because there’s really been no overarching message or theme or even positive vision for the future," one (anonymous, of course) Republican strategist said.

So, nothing from Earle-Sears on the cost of living or the threats to democracy — or Benedict Donald's crusade against the government, which has thrown thousands of Virginians' lives into chaos. Got it. Jeez, it's just utter political malpractice. We cats HISS.

Kimmel Prevails

By Hubie and Bertie

Happy to report that Sinclair and Nexstar have caved and said they will air Jimmy Kimmel's show on their affiliate stations after all.

You know what? Per their contracts, both companies can probably only pre-empt a certain number of Kimmel shows before they're in contractual violation and subject to fines.

Still and all, we'll take the win. Sinclair, Nexstar, Disney, and ABC all felt the pressure. To everyone who canceled their subscriptions, contacted advertisers, and/or wrote their representatives, thank you! You should feel powerful today, because you are. We cats PURR.

Trump's Latest Distraction Won't Fly

By Miss Kubelik

Would it be interesting to find out what the American government knew about the disappearance of famed aviator Amelia Earhart? Sure. Earhart's fate is one of the great unsolved mysteries of the 20th century, and we care about it — not just for her sake, but also because she took her navigator, Fred Noonan, with her. It would be great to figure out exactly what happened to them.

And as new assessments of Earhart's career have surfaced this year, a reckoning might be in store. It's not that Earhart lacked courage or daring, but perhaps — just perhaps — in trying to set aviation records, she was just a little too reckless, egged on by her carnival-barker husband, George Palmer Putnam.

It's lately been alleged that Putnam, a publicity hound to his core, pushed Earhart to attempt the globe-circling flight on which she met her doom. Funding for such escapades was always tight, so logistical corners were cut and safety measures foregone. There's even some question as to whether Earhart was really the skilled pilot people assumed her to be: Her rough 1937 landing in South Florida, for example — witnessed by Miami Herald reporter Jane Wood Reno (who later had a rather famous daughter) — made a few experienced aviators wonder.

It would also be helpful if we could learn whether the US government truly felt that one of the Earhart rumors was true: that she had crash-landed on a South Pacific atoll and been held captive by the Japanese until she died. Any additional information on our intelligence in the run-up to World War II would be fascinating, to say the least.

However, as much as we're interested in more scoop on Amelia Earhart, here's something that's more important right now: THE EPSTEIN FILES. Sorry, Benedict Donald, but your Earhart feint won't work. We cats HISS.

Fixed It.

Benedict Donald is showing his Hollywood envy — they've created a "Presidential Walk of Fame" at the  White House. And at the end of that line of POTUS portraits, those crazy kids replaced Joe Biden's mug with a picture of an autopen. Lame! Happily, the interwebs memesters remain undefeated. We cats PURR.

That Sinking Feeling

By Zamboni

Maybe Americans aren't as tuned out as many people fear.

A new Quinnipiac poll taken right after ABC suspended Jimmy Kimmel — and about a week after Charlie Kirk was killed — shows a lot of alarm.

"From a perceived assault on freedom of speech to the fragility of the democracy, a shudder of concern and pessimism rattles a broad swath of the electorate. Nearly 80 percent of registered voters feel they are witnessing a political crisis, seven in 10 say political violence is a very serious problem, and a majority say this discord won't go away anytime soon," said Quinnipiac analyst Tim Malloy.

And here we used to worry about that fuzzy right-direction/wrong-direction question surveyers always asked. These new poll questions were far more pointed.

A couple of snapshots:

• "Seventy-one percent of voters think politically motivated violence in the United States today is a very serious problem — up from 54 percent in June. Twenty-two percent think it is a somewhat serious problem, 3 percent think it is a not-so-serious problem, and 1 percent think it is not a problem at all."

• "Fifty-three percent of voters say they are pessimistic about freedom of speech being protected in the United States, while 43 percent say they are optimistic. This is a reversal from six months ago, when 54 percent of voters said they were optimistic and 43 percent said they were pessimistic."

• "Voters 53 to 41 percent think that the system of democracy in the United States is not working."

Quinnipiac also asked respondents to rate Benedict Donald on immigration, foreign policy, trade, the economy, gun violence, Russia and Ukraine, and Israel versus Hamas. Trump was underwater by double digits on all seven issues.

Tired of all the winning, Trumpsters? We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Mike Luckovich, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

The Best Of Friends

 

By Baxter

Rumor has it that Benedict Donald's "speech" today at the UN was Springtime-for-Hitler awful. Maybe he was miffed that the escalator that he and Moose & Squirrel stepped on suddenly stopped. Or rattled by his broken teleprompter. (If any UN staffers are responsible, we need the phone number for the Nobel Committee.) But whatever happened in New York, this is what he's coming home to in Washington.

A statue of Trump and child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein popped up near the US Capitol this morning in honor of Friendship Month. And what could be a cozier sight than Donny and Jeffy holding hands and prancing down the National Mall? An anonymous group called The Secret Handshake Project claimed credit and said that with the permission of the National Park Service, the statue will stay up until Saturday.

This is why Donald and his minions hate artists and try to squash them (or, in the case of The Kennedy Center, take them over). A real man would just laugh it all off. But then, a real man would release The Epstein Files, wouldn't he? After all, last year, Trump said he would. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

(UPDATE: Looks like the Park Police have removed the statue early. This is confusing — we thought the Trumpsters, racists, and Nazis believed that statues honored our nation's history and heritage! Guess that's only true when they're Confederate generals and enslavers. We cats HISS.)

Team Gavin Is Still At It

Did you think they'd stopped? Guess again! We cats PURR.

Gott Im Himmel, Jimmy Kimmel !

By Sniffles

Well, it looks like the Nazis at ABC/Disney have backed down, at least for now. Jimmy Kimmel has been un-suspended, which means that America can look forward to a historic late-night monologue tomorrow. (We hope Jimmy hasn't agreed to apologize or anything to get back on the air. That would be distinctly terrible.)

Our two cents: It's interesting that they waited until the day after Sunday's lalapalooza and canonization in Arizona to reverse themselves. And let's not delude ourselves into thinking that the corporation bearing the name of a guy who testified as a friendly witness to HUAC in 1947 has suddenly started caring about free speech. Nope, they care about money — and wow, did they take it in the shorts over the last week.

Estimates are that they lost $4 billion in stock value (we'll see what the company reports), and so many people canceled their Disney+ and Hulu subscriptions that their website crashed. It used to be MAGA types who were railing at Walt's world for being "woke." Now, they've made everybody else so angry that they were facing an existential crisis.

So, please, everyone, don't rush to reinstate your ABC/Disney subscriptions or un-cancel your Magic Kingdom vacation or cruise. Let's wait and see what Kimmel has to say tomorrow night, and, more specifically, what Brendan Carr's reaction is. This is a victory for our economic clout, but we're still in dangerous waters here.

Yesterday we posted about the Smothers Brothers, and the hot water they got into over at CBS. Today we're reminded that late-night controversy also has a predecessor in Jack Paar, who walked off The Tonight Show in 1960 after NBC censors blocked him from telling a toilet joke. (Seriously.) The contrast with today is that it was Paar who was in the driver's seat. When he ended his protest three weeks later, he walked onstage to deliver his monologue. "As I was saying..."

Classic. Wonderful. We cats PURR.

(UPDATE: Sinclair Broadcast Group has responded to the un-suspension, stamping their feet and screaming that they will not air Kimmel on their 38 local stations. Good luck to your local advertisers, then. Hey, here's a thought: If you have a Sinclair station in your area, maybe watch what they show instead and contact each of the companies whose commercials you see — and read 'em the riot act. We cats PURR.)

Everything Old Is New Again

By Hubie and Bertie

When we cats were kittens in 1969, CBS canceled The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. Yep, if you don't remember it, it really happened!

The situation was a little different — no one at the FCC threatened the network, that we know of — so it was more corporate- than state-sponsored censorship. CBS was unhappy that Tom and Dick Smothers — who supported the civil rights movement and opposed the Vietnam War, and had a habit of saying so — refused to submit their shows ahead of time for review. It was a sure road to an impasse. "Don't tell comedians not to say a certain word," Dick Smothers said. "For sure they'll do it."

CBS took the brothers off the air and replaced them with Hee Haw. Sometimes you really can't make these things up.

But here's something we didn't know: After Lyndon Johnson dropped out of the 1968 Presidential race, the Smothers Brothers wrote to him, basically saying, "Hey, sorry about all the jokes." Johnson wrote back (see above). That really happened, too. What a different world. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Nice Work.

Let's keep it going, everyone! Vote with your wallet. We cats PURR.

"Shut Your Trap"

 

This is a worthy successor to "Come on, Germans, go into your dance." We cats think maybe Kimmel has broken through. And we PURR.

Here's Your Post-Jimmy-Kimmel To-Do List

By Miss Kubelik

A lot of folks on social media are reporting that they've canceled their subscriptions to Disney+, Hulu, ESPN+ and others to protest ABC's sidelining of Jimmy Kimmel. They're also reporting from time to time that the customer service people they're talking to say tons of people have been doing the same.

This is excellent! It's a welcome addendum to our previous post, in which we said we could march in the streets and/or vote. We can also speak with our wallets. (So this means no trips to Disney theme parks, which are getting more and more unaffordable anyway. Or watching college football if it's on ABC. You get the idea.)

You can also tell ABC/Disney directly how you feel. Click here. 

Finally, be sure to write your representatives in Congress and ask for an investigation of Brendan Carr and the FCC. This is especially important if your Senator serves on the Subcommittee for Telecommunications and the Media. (You can check the list of subcommittee members here.)

And mark your calendars for the next national No Kings Day: Saturday, October 18. See you there! We cats PURR.

Poised To Wallop Winsome

By Zamboni

What's worse? ABC's indefinite suspension of Jimmy Kimmel, or Benedict Donald cutting town historic trees on the White House grounds to make room for his Shah-of-Iran-style ballroom?

It's hard to choose — so in the meantime, let's review some positive news coming out of the Commonwealth of Virginia, which holds key statewide elections on November 4.

Democratic gubernatorial candidate Abigail Spanberger has reported that she raised $14 million in July and August — while her Republican opponent, the gay-hating nutcase Winsome Earle-Sears, only raised $5.2 million. Wow, almost three times as much for Abigail!

The Democratic candidates for lieutenant governor and attorney general, Ghazala Hashmi and Jay Jones, also outraised the Republicans in their races. Money doesn't guarantee a win, but it sure helps.

Now Spanberger has rolled out endorsements from two former GOP members of Congress, Barbara Comstock and Denver Riggleman — a nice riposte to Earle-Sears's bleating about Spanberger's "extremist agenda."

News like this should keep us inspired to make sure Virginia Democrats have resounding victories in November. Republicans may control the federal government, and the media are caving left and right — but (so far) we're still having elections. The only thing we can do besides march in the streets is to vote. We cats PURR.

(UPDATE, September 19: A new poll from Christopher Newport University has Spanberger ahead of Earle-Sears by 12 points, Hashmi beating Republican John Reid by 11, and Jones ahead of the incumbent Republican AG by seven. Yay! Early voting starts today. Go, Old Dominion, go! We cats PURR.)

Butch And Sundance: Two Great Americans

Paul Newman established Newman's Own foods to benefit communities in adversity, and Robert Redford was an activist for environmental protection and land conservation. We cats appeal to today's rich dudes: Please follow their example. That would make us PURR.

Bad News For Elsie

By Baxter

Wow! A Siena College Research Institute poll released today shows New York Governor Kathy Hochul holding a 25-point lead over Trumpster Elise "Elsie" Stefanik for Hochul's potential re-election in 2026.

Governor Hochul's favorability ratings on providing decisive leadership are also up, from 36 percent to 48 percent. Meanwhile, Elsie's favorability rating hovers at a pathetic 21 percent. SAD!

Yes, it's one poll. But there are a few developments from this that we can reasonably expect.

1). Elsie spokesjerk Alex de Grasse (late of Baby Marco's 2016 Presidential campaign) will call this "a fake poll by a woke educational institution," whose budget and intellectual independence the Benedict Donald administration will try to decimate any moment now.

2). The chances of Elsie dropping out of the race for governor just went up a tick. In fact, if her internal polling is similar to this Siena result, she should reconsider her plans and let Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman or Congressman Mike Lawler get crushed instead.

Will Elsie ever come to terms with the fact that Trump has royally screwed her? Let's let this observer explain:

"Stefanik has been having an interesting but not really positive 2025 thus far. She was nominated by Donald Trump for the position of United States Ambassador to the United Nations. But then, fairly quickly, the nomination was withdrawn. The reason, the public was told, was the Republicans needed her for their razor-thin margin of control in the House of Representatives. 

"That's strange. If she had been confirmed by the Senate in January like most other major appointees, the law on filling elective vacancies in New York would have had a special election concluded before a vote from her likely Republican replacement would have been needed for voting on Trump’s mega-MAGA legislation."

Poor Elise! How simply frightful! How humiliating! How delightful!

We cats PURR.

Stone-Cold Wonderful

By Sniffles

Here's a fun news flash from our old stomping grounds, Prince William County in Northern Virginia: Chris Stone, the Republican candidate for House District 20, has had to drop out of the race. Why? He lost his job and couldn't find another one in the area, so he's moving out of state.

Sweet irony, since he was a government contractor and — whoops! — became a casualty of Benedict Donald's wanton destruction of the federal workforce. Perhaps all of our former neighbors who also got the ax can enjoy a comforting dose of schadenfreude from this.

It's also very fun that it's too late for the Republicans to take Stone's name off this fall's ballots. Whoops, again!

Maybe they can mount a write-in campaign for somebody — but that's a last-minute long shot that'll put an extra burden on them as they compete for majorities in the Virginia state assembly.

Our guess is that they'll write HD-20 off, since it's a district that Harris-Walz won with 55 percent, but hey — margins are tight in Richmond, and every race will matter. Too bad, GOP! We cats PURR.

IF YOU DON'T PROPERLY MOURN THIS MAN, YOU WILL LOSE YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

See how silly that sounds? Seriously, though, we've lost a great American today. As he famously asked at the end of The Candidate, "What do we do now?" We cats salute him, and we PURR.

"How You Died Does Not Redeem How You Lived"

Pastor Howard-John Wesley of the Alfred Street Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, tells it like it is. We cats PURR.

Hard Facts (And Irony)

"Charles James Kirk, 31, died on Wednesday from a gunshot to the neck at a Utah Valley University campus event just as he was trying to deflect a question about mass shootings by suggesting they were largely a function of gang violence. He died with a net worth of $12 million, which he made by espousing horrific and bigoted views in the name of advancing Christian nationalism.

"The foundation of his empire was the group he co-founded and led, Turning Point USA, which is a key youth-recruitment arm of the MAGA movement. Kirk was able to launch Turning Point at the age of 18 because he received money from Tea Party member Bill Montgomery, right-wing donor Foster Friess, and his own father, also a prolific right-wing donor.

"He was an unrepentant racist, transphobe, homophobe, and misogynist who often wrapped his bigotry in Bible verses because there was no other way to pretend that it was morally correct. He had children, as do many vile people.

"It is rude of me to say all of this, because we live in a culture where manners are often valued more than truth. That is why a slew of pundits and politicians have raced to portray Kirk’s activities, which harmed many vulnerable people, in a positive light — and to give him the benefit of the doubt that he did not grant to anyone who wasn’t white, Christian, straight, and male.

"There is no requirement to take part in this whitewashing campaign, and refusing to join in doesn't make anyone a bad person.

"I do not believe anyone should be murdered because of their views, but that is because I don't believe people should be murdered generally, regardless of who they are or what they've done. I am against the death penalty, pro–gun control, and believe war is a failure of humanity, not a necessary byproduct of it. Kirk was fine with murder as long the right people were dying.

"Turning Point did not work to bring people together; it worked to bring about a country where anyone who wasn't a white Christian nationalist wasn't welcome. I won't celebrate his death, but I'm not obligated to celebrate his life, either."

—Elizabeth Spiers, The Nation

And Tyler, Too

By Hubie and Bertie

Wednesday's murder of the racist activist Charlie Kirk has kicked up a storm of bullshit these last 48 hours — which we cats hope may subside just a bit with the revelation that the newly arrested suspect is a 22-year-old, straight, white-as-snow video gamer who grew up in a Republican/law-enforcement household and loved guns.

Okay, that's probably too optimistic, right? After all, Kirk was killed in one of America's whitest states, at an event that was probably over-90-percent Caucasian, but Trumpy trolls still called in bomb threats to a bunch of historically Black colleges and universities yesterday. After all these unrelenting outrages, we have no idea why Black Americans don't riot every single day. We're in awe that they don't.

Maybe they're just tired. Or maybe they know that MAGA's gonna MAGA, and it's fruitless to waste any energy on their predictable nonsense. It's disturbing, of course, to see the media play along — whitewashing Kirk's career as a cretin who monetized hate — but we all should have been prepped for this since the press bent the knee to the GOP and fawned over Ronnie Reagan's funeral more than 20 years ago.

The Kirk killing has also, no surprise, brought out the usual worst in Benedict/Droopy Donald, who literally said today that he "couldn't care less" about trying to unify a country whose citizens are very worried that something terrible is broken. When asked about how he was holding up after the loss of his friend Charlie (spoiler alert: Benedict Donald doesn't have any friends), he said, "I think very good. And by the way, right there you see all the trucks — they just started construction of the new ballroom for the White House."

Donald is simply a black hole of humanity. As most narcissists are. 

Meanwhile, in our opinion, the best take on the Kirk murder came from an account we admire on social media: "Look, while I don't condone what happened to the kid, I also see it this way — no one should wonder all that much why it was that Huey Long found himself at the business end of a gun. Those who a spew a constant stream of violence will eventually find themselves knee-deep in it. You can't play with fire and then cry foul when you get burned." We cats PURR.

Donald Pulls A Face

Gee, Trump looked terrible at today's 9/11 ceremony, didn't he? We're going to have to change his nickname from Benedict Donald to Droopy Donald. Could someone with a medical degree please look at these and tell America that he didn't have a stroke? And could some journalist please, please ask WTF is going on? Thank you. We cats HISS.

We Used To Have A Real President

We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

And This Is Actually One Of The Least Objectionable Things He Said

 

We cats HISS.

Throwing The Book At Him

By Miss Kubelik

Many apologies for posting this repulsive image from the Jeffrey Epstein 50th birthday book. It's just hard to describe how awful the book is without showing at least a little bit of it — that is, in addition to Benedict Donald's now-famous contribution.

The book, which begins more or less normally with Epstein's birth certificate and a note from his mom, gradually descends into degeneracy. There's a photo of Epstein in the pool with a topless Ghislaine Maxwell. Another pic of Epstein in the bathtub. There's the fake check from "Trump" for a "depreciated woman."And then there are the notes. Bill Clinton's seems oddly anodyne — something a politician would write to a person he doesn't know well. Alan Dershowitz's is familiar and borderline smarmy. And then there's this little gem of a drawing. It's unclear who created it.

Our best advice: Don't inflict this book on yourself. (But if you absolutely must, click here.)

As for Trump's letter, from their statements today, the White House and Congressional Republicans seem to think that if they claim Donald's signature is faked, or that the whole letter is phony, that will get them off the hook. It's adorable that they believe that. We think George Conway said it best, so we'll let him take it from here:

"The narrative [around Epstein] is that Epstein was a sexual predator of young girls; that Trump had said publicly that Epstein liked females 'on the younger side' and that Epstein was a terrific guy; that Trump sent Epstein a card for the latter's 50th birthday that alluded to mutually shared secrets and contained a sketch of what appears to be a prepubescent female; that the Trump campaign and administration promised repeatedly to release the Epstein investigatory files; that FBI agents reviewed the files and found that Trump was mentioned in the files; that Trump was told he was in the files; that the Trump administration, for reasons not clearly articulated, did a 180 on producing the files and is producing only a tiny portion of them; that Donald Trump sued The Wall Street Journal alleging that the birthday card didn't exist; and that the birthday card in fact exists and was released by Epstein's estate and was clearly signed by Trump. Have I missed or misstated anything?"

No, George, you didn't. We cats PURR.

Three Years Later

 

We miss you, Ma'am. We cats PURR.

House Democrats Release Letter From "FBI Informant" To Convicted Sex Trafficker

 

By Zamboni

Busy day for Benedict Donald today. He started it by learning that yes, he will have to pay E. Jean Carroll $83 million and change for defaming her post-rape*. He ended it by declaring that he never signed a letter to Jeffrey Epstein that he previously said absolutely didn't exist.

Whoops! Looks like it does exist after all, doesn't it?

So now that the Trumpsters are stuck having to acknowledge the letter, they're frantically trying to claim that, well, okay — but the inimitable "Donald" signature at the um, bottom, isn't actually his. Karo-LYIN' Leavitt (thank you, Gavin) helped lead the charge on this preposterous allegation. Good luck with that, guys.

Two suggestions on what can be done with this infamous document: 1) Laminate it and wave it in Elise Stefanik's face everywhere she goes. 2) Frame it and hang it in every red-state school — right next to those Ten Commandments that Republicans are so fond of. We cats PURR.

*Sorry — in our book, it was rape.

"Make America Healthy Again"? Not By A Long Shot.

By Baxter

Gee, it seems like a lot of diseases are on the rise in Florida — like chickenpox, whooping cough, and that old favorite of the Trumpsters, measles. Yet the state surgeon general, Dr. LaStupido, told CNN today that he and his office did not analyze this data, or make any projections of disease incidences based on it. They lifted vaccine mandates anyway.

Jeez, that makes us awfully glad we no longer live there. Sadly, though, there's no real protection from this idiocy, because unvaccinated Florida kids and their parents will still get on planes and travel to the rest of the country. So this fall, we're getting all the shots we possibly can.

But here's a thought: What about health insurance premiums? That's another thing that's going to cause big headaches for Floridians. When insurers set their prices for the Sunshine State, they're going to have to allow for the fact that some of their policyholders will get sick from entirely preventable diseases. That's just math.

In other words, health insurance premiums are about to make Florida's home insurance costs look like a bargain. We cats HISS.

"The Game" Loses A Great One

"Deeply saddened to learn of the passing of the Hon. Ken Dryden, a Canadian hockey legend and hall of famer, public servant and inspiration.

"He was a six-time Stanley Cup champion, five-time Vezina trophy winner, Minister of Social Development, and dedicated Parliamentarian.

"Ken Dryden was the reason I became a goalie, although I never mastered his ability to lean on his stick, let alone keep the puck out of the net. His return to university at the height of his playing career taught the importance of balance in life. His post-hockey career demonstrated the value of public service.

"Few Canadians have given more, or stood taller, for our country. Ken Dryden was Big Canada. And he was Best Canada. Rest in peace."

—Prime Minister Mark Carney

(IMAGE: Aislin, The Montreal Gazette)

Donald Has Water On The Brain

By Sniffles

As Benedict Donald continues to sundown, stranger things are coming out of his mouth. His stream-of-consciousness can be overwhelming, but one theme that emerges is... water. Yesterday, he was at it again.

Remember how a few months back, Trump thought there was a giant faucet somewhere that California Governor Gavin Newsom could have just turned on to put out the LA fires? He's taken it one step further with an imaginary fire-suppression system.

"Newsom didn't allow the water to come from the Pacific Northwest. I demanded that to be open. If that were open, you wouldn't have had the fire because all the sprinklers would have worked in the houses."

All righty, then. (And no, you don't need to ask — the press that spent three relentless weeks last year hounding Joe Biden about his mental faculties has had nothing to say about this.)

Meanwhile, a recent survey by the Leger firm in Quebec showed a jump in young people's interest in sovereignty. Forty-eight percent of respondents age 18 to 24 were in favor of the province breaking away from Canada. It's not a majority, and it's only one poll, but the separatist Parti Quebecois thinks things could be trending in their direction. (This year is the 30th anniversary of the 1995 referendum, in which the "No" side beat the "Yes" side by a mere 54,288 votes.)

What does this have to do with Donald's water fascination? We cats have a theory. We believe that some in the Trumpian circle are keeping a sharp eye on separatist sentiment in La Belle Province. In fact, they may be working under the table right now to foment a Canadian breakup. Why? Because like Putin, they hate federalism (as we know from their actions here in the US). But there's another reason.

Quebec is home to 3 percent of the world's freshwater. It's not an imaginary big faucet, but it's one hell of a resource. So, all the province has to do is secede from Canada, and Trump can order an invasion.

The last time the US tried to take over Quebec, it didn't go very well. But that won't stop Benedict Donald. We cats HISS.

Old Democrats, Feisty Democrats

By Hubie and Bertie

Congressman Jerry Nadler has announced that he won't seek re-election to Congress next year, citing the need for generational change in the Democratic Party.

We cats won't quibble with this. Our view is that we have such a deep bench that we might as well move things along. (There have already been rumors about Chelsea Clinton and Jack Schlossberg running for Nadler's seat.) Nadler's exit will probably also open a path for Jamie Raskin to serve as Ranking Member on the Judiciary Committee — and after 2026, we hope, Chairman.

Not all "seasoned" members of our party need to follow Nadler's example, but you have to wonder if 88-year-old Eleanor Holmes Norton or 87-year-old Maxine Waters might consider it. We love them both, but neither of their seats would be at risk if they decide to retire. And as long as we're on the subject, 77-year-old Governor Janet Mills of Maine should absolutely not run for the Senate against Susan Collins.

Not just because Mills would be in her mid-eighties at the end of her first term. We like her, but we already have some bang-up candidates — one of whom, oyster farmer Graham Platner, drew a crowd of almost 7,000 in Portland on Labor Day. His speech was brutal on Collins: "Symbolic opposition does not open hospitals. Weak condemnations do not bring back Roe v. Wade. Performative politics that enables the destruction of our way of life is disqualifying for the role of US Senator."

(Platner's not our only declared candidate. Maine Beer Company co-founder Dan Kleban's hat is also in the ring. So, an oyster guy or a beer guy? Sounds delicious, and very Maine-y.)

We like feisty. For us, it's a throwback to 2003, when Democrats were flat on their butts against the Republicans after 9/11 and the 2002 midterms. But then Governor Howard Dean started giving Bush and Cheney hell. Any Democrat today who follows that path — Gavin Newsom, JB Pritzker, AOC, Kathy Hochul, Wes Moore, Zohran Mamdani, the Texas legislators, our state attorneys general, Letitia James, Jasmine Crockett — gets Dean-inspired kudos from us. We cats PURR.

JB > JD, But Gavin Will Not Be Outdone

 

 

The news day belonged to Illinois Governor JB Pritzker, who was characteristically blunt about Benedict Donald's real purposes in Chicago. Meanwhile, a federal judge in California just ruled that Trump's deployment of the military in Los Angeles broke the law.

Let's hope for the sake of the country that the Trumpsters think better of all this, and stand down. Until then, we still have Team Newsom to make us grin. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Rumors, Part Deux

Happy Labor Day, everybody! The "Is he dead yet?" rumors continue to fly — mostly since all the world gets these days is proof-of-life-from-a-distance photos and tweets that sound suspiciously like... well, not Donald. Thankfully, as always, California Governor Gavin Newsom knew exactly how to have fun with it. We cats PURR.