No, Wait — THIS is Today's Republican Party

By Sniffles

In case you thought the recently disgraced Chip "Chipmunk Cheeks" Saltsman was the only racist in the GOP, guess again.

Carol Carter, a Hillsborough County, Florida, Republican state committeewoman (that is, if indeed she IS a woman), has quit her party post after sending the following e-mail:

"I'm confused. How can 2 million blacks get into Washington, D.C. in one day in sub-zero temps when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans in 85 degree temps with four days [sic] notice?"

Hm. Making fun of Hurricane Katrina victims. It conjures up pictures of people on rooftops, frantically calling for help, animals stranded on the tops of cars, old women dying in their wheelchairs outside a football stadium. Just hilarious, isn't it?

Ms. Carter (if, indeed, she IS a Ms.) resigned, but protested that she's not a racist. "I forwarded a joke to eight people I thought were friends and it went off the cliff," she said indignantly. And then she followed up with a grudging, astoundingly qualified apology:

"I have been asked to send this apology for my earlier e-mail," she huffed. "I am sorry that it was received in a negative manner. I do hope that we are going to be allowed to keep our sense of humor. As you can now see, it went to very few people... I am also sorry to learn that some of these persons are not real team players. There really was no reason for this to go beyond those that I e-mailed (eight people)."

How very convincing. Apparently the Republican Party — when it's not being a bunch of "insurgents" like the Taliban — is a huge group of closeted bigots who just elected an African-American national party chair as window dressing. Any comment from you, Mr. Steele?

We cats are waiting. In the meantime, we SNARL at this repugnant woman (if, indeed, she IS.... well, you know). And we dump our dirty litter boxes in her swimming pool.

Meet the New Republican Party

"Insurgency, we understand perhaps a little bit more because of the Taliban. And that is that they went about systematically understanding how to disrupt and change a person's entire processes. And these Taliban — I'm not trying to say the Republican Party is the Taliban. No, that's not what we're saying."

—NRCC Chairman Pete Sessions, talking about GOP tactics on the economic recovery package

Janet Reno, Your Taste in Interior Decoration is Impeccable

By Zamboni

For all of you who are fretting over the Daschle crash-and-burn, among others: Please, take a deep breath, and take the long view.

Under Bush, we had a Justice Department that was "justice" only in name. It was egregiously corrupted by politics and prejudice — and condoned behavior that not only violated American principles, but denigrated the reputation of the United States abroad.

We cats bemoaned these developments, because we'd visited DOJ in the days of Janet Reno, history's most incorruptible Attorney General. The portrait over Janet's office mantel was Robert F. Kennedy's. We felt good, knowing it was there. But, we thought, surely that portrait had been consigned to the DOJ basement in the reigns of Ashcroft, Gonzales and Mukasey.

Well, My Cats fans — we are happy to report that the RFK portrait IS BACK! Check out this image from Eric Holder's swearing in.

Gee, it's good to know that the right people are in charge again.

Too Many Litters

By Baxter

We must say, the woman with the octuplets makes us ill. And apparently we're not the only ones.

Someone needs to tackle this woman, take her to The Cat Network, and get her spayed. There's no time to lose. We hope they notch her ear, too.

It's just that we don't understand why the rules are different for us cats than for you humans. Seems to us that overpopulation in any species is a bad thing.

But at least our kids are a lot cheaper than yours. So why does this seem so totally upside-down?

Nosferatu Returns

By Sniffles

America is being stalked by Dick Cheney again.

Like a bad, recurring case of feline urological syndrome, the former Vice President has popped up out of retirement in a repulsive attempt to scare people. The Obama Administration's policies, he's averred, will make a terrorist attack on the U.S. more likely. Nuclear or biological. Take your pick.

Now, if "Dick" (and boy, do we know one when we see one) is so concerned about that, wouldn't you think he'd pick up the phone and talk to someone in the White House? We would bet one of our nine lives that as a former Veep he'd have a direct line to either President Obama, Vice President Biden or DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano. Why go public?

Many possibilities spring to mind. He's worried about legacy issues and wants to position himself as firm and unyielding. He's worried about being nabbed abroad for war crimes. He's trying to peddle a book. He's an ass.

Whatever the answer, the latest Gallup poll shows that Americans are a lot less worried than Cheney is. Seventy-four percent approve of limiting interrogation techniques on terrorist suspects.

It's interesting that it's Cheney who rises to haunt us again — not Bush. We cats take it as additional confirmation that it was "Dick," and not the Worst Person Who Ever Lived, who was in charge of that godforsaken White House. Still, we HISS at Politico.com, for giving him the time of day in the first place.

And as for Cheney, we dump our dirty litter boxes on his wife's head.

Goodbye, O God-Awful Days of Goodling

By Zamboni

Okay, it may appear lately that some people in the Obama Administration are having a little trouble paying their taxes.

Pretty embarrassing. But at least we don't fire folks because they're rumored to be gay.

That's the post-Bush news item we prefer to celebrate today: The Justice Department has rehired Leslie Hagen, who was illegally and outrageously sacked from a Native American affairs liaison job because someone said she was a lesbian.

Not a lesbian, but alleged to be one. Either way, such a firing is against the law. But that didn't matter to Monica Goodling. Remember her?

So we cats PURR at the Holder Justice Department, for righting a disgusting wrong. And as for Ms. Goodling, we dump our dirty litter boxes in her underwear drawer. She should be flogged.

P.S. And the Democratic tax kerfuffles? We cats are indulging in some slightly wry expressions. We're remembering all the media brouhaha about Bill Clinton's foundation donors. Surely that would disqualify his wife from becoming Secretary of State! So, former President Clinton released his list. And then — nothing. Guess the press was having its typical anti-Clinton knee-jerk reaction. If they were sniffing for scandal, maybe they should have been looking elsewhere.

Oh, Thank Goodness.

We don't have to look at these silly eyeglasses any more.

Note to President Obama: Why not pick Howard Dean for HHS? He's a Vermont country doctor who we bet doesn't make enough money to have tax problems.

Juste Pour Rire, Part Deux

This is just how we cats feel.

Tidbits and Cat Treats, 3.0

By Baxter

It's been a busy Monday, but here are a few quick feline reflections on the latest news.

We cats send our best wishes to the owner of the Super-Bowl-champion Pittsburgh Steelers, but not because we love football (although we have to admit it was an exciting game). It's because he endorsed President Obama last year.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, and Jennifer Hudson's repugnant rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner," we'd just like to say, Can we stop? Please? We are not only sick of overwrought voices, we'd really like people to stop performing the National Anthem as if it were a song.

We didn't care about Michael Phelps when he was winning all those medals, and we don't care that he was caught smoking marijuana now.

The Mormon Church needs to lose its tax-exemption immediately. Or at the very least, Prop 8 in California should be repealed.

While we'd really love to stick it to the Republicans by taking away their New Hampshire Senate seat today, we realize that President Obama is a better person than we are. So we take the long view on the expected Judd Gregg Commerce nomination. If Governor Lynch appoints a caretaker, in 2010 it will be much more difficult for a non-incumbent GOP Senate candidate to raise money in a state that's been turning ever-more-blue in recent years. Plus, the RNC gets a whole new headache: A non-incumbent race they didn't plan for, money-wise or otherwise. Are you listening, Michael Steele?

As for the poll revealing that most Republicans want the party to be more like that nutcase from Alaska? We cats say, Go, GOP, Go!

Time for a nap.

UPDATE: Tom Daschle needs to get new glasses.

GOP: A Little Short on "Phenomenons"

By Sniffles

Here's more proof that the Republicans are living in a world completely divorced from reality: They think Michael Steele, the newly elected RNC Chair, is a star.

"Barack Obama's a phenomenon. It's going to take a phenomenon just to challenge him. Michael is the one guy we have, regardless of background, who can do that," said a California committeeman after Friday's vote.

We cats don't quite know what to make of that. But we have to assume that in the Official GOP Dictionary, the entry under "phenomenon" must read as follows.

PHENOMENON (Republican), (n.), def.: 1). Guy who has won one (1) electoral contest in his entire life, as the second-banana on a "reform" ticket to replace a corrupt governor of the other party; 2). Guy who has never won an electoral contest on his own, despite massive infusions of support from his party and party leaders; 3). Guy who made a fool of himself last September on "Real Time with Bill Maher" after the audience booed a mention of Sarah Palin and he looked at them angrily and said, "You'll be calling her 'Vice President Palin' soon enough!"; 4). Guy who was completely, totally wrong about that.

Yeah, right... that guy.

UPDATE: Goodness, how could we forget? Here's definition 5).: Guy who in 2006 said that the "R" next to his name was an "impediment" — a "hurdle to overcome" — a "scarlet letter."