"Who Let All These People Into My Basement?"

By Zamboni

Whatever the results of the election on Tuesday, we cats have been giving some thought to the effects of the coronavirus pandemic on the Democratic campaign. It's been an interesting exercise. We have to say that when it became clear back in the spring that COVID was going to seriously cramp Democrats' style, we felt a little panicked. But much to our surprise, things have turned out rather well.

Here are some of the reasons. (We reserve the right to update this list as more occur to us.)

1. Biden is 77 years old — among the cohort of people at higher risk if they contract the virus. Therefore, we're pleased that he acted responsibly and stayed "in his basement," as Benedict Donald likes to say. But there was an extra silver lining: Staying off the traditional campaign trail helped reduce opportunities for classic Biden "gaffes" — which, as we all know, the media were primed to pounce on. So, screw you, media. No gaffes to cover.

2. Staying off the trail gave Biden more time to fundraise, and in ways he was comfortable with, like Zooming. Trump, meanwhile, doesn't like virtual stuff, so he lost a lot of opportunities.

3. At the virtual Democratic Convention — which was fantastic, by the way — Biden and Kamala Harris both gave excellent speeches that, without screaming crowds, really resonated. You see, when you don't have a raucous audience, your words penetrate more. People have to listen to what you're saying. (Similar case in point: Has John Oliver been hobbled by a lack of studio audience? We think not.)

4. Biden's socially distanced events have ably demonstrated his sense of responsibility in the pandemic. Conversely, Trump's idiotic shitshows have only accentuated his foolhardiness.

5. Finally, here's something we never thought we'd discover and love: car rallies. The honking instead of applause? Just great! Let's keep doing these even after the pandemic. We cats PURR.

Scary Cat Tales

 Happy Halloween! We cats PURR.

"Bond. James Bond."

A dangling cigarette is rarely a good look. Only Sean Connery could make it sexy. Goodbye, great Scot.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: "The Friday Before" Edition

By Baxter

Can we agree that we're all overdosing on poll numbers, and finding stuff to freak out about on cable news or social media? Yes. So here's what to do: Pour a drink of something (we don't care what), fire up the Jøtul, put your feet up, and relax for a while. And consider these random feline thoughts:

Benedict Donald cut short his shitshow in Rochester, Minnesota, tonight after only 21 minutes. Was he discouraged at the small size of the crowd? Or after a busy day of shitshows, is his COVID acting up? Intrepid journalists, please figure this out.

Voter turnout in Texas is astounding. Yes, people are motivated there as they are across the country. But a lot of it is due to the very hard work of former Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who's been registering and turning out folks like crazy. If Texas turns blue this year, that will not only elect Joe Biden President — it will put Beto in the catbird seat for the Texas gubernatorial race in 2022.

Wow, lots of guys who like sports have come out of the woodwork and thrown up all over the Trump endorsements by Jack Nicklaus and, especially, by Bobby Orr. (Boston Bruins, pffffttttt! We Florida Panthers fans remember 1996.) The question is, however: Why is it okay for athletes to endorse Trump, but not okay for athletes to endorse Biden or support Black Lives Matter or take a knee? (And for those of you who say "Well, Nicklaus and Orr are retired" — what about Tom Brady? We smell hypocrisy.)

It is very clear that the Republicans don't think they can win on Tuesday. Not only has Benedict Donald canceled his victory party at the Drumpf Hotel in DC that night, but the GOP is going full throttle on suppressing — or not counting — the vote. Court decisions have been all over the map on this. The Supremes issued a couple of decisions favorable to voters in Wisconsin and North Carolina, but another decision in Minnesota has screwed anyone mailing in a ballot, big time. These rulings don't occur in a vacuum — they're handed down because Republicans have sued. Why doesn't the GOP believe in democracy?

So, on that note, listen: It's possible that the bottom is falling out of Trumpworld the way that the bottom fell out from under Carter-Mondale in 1980. Yes, the situations are vastly different. There was only one Presidential debate in '80, and there was a robust third-party challenger in the race, and the Iranian hostage crisis was still going on, and interest rates were 15 percent. But even with all that, in the last week, it all came apart — and it fell to pollster Pat Caddell to tell Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter that their support had collapsed. The Carters surely weren't happy, but they took it stoically — because they're Americans and they believe in our political processes.

Today, we're wondering who is telling Benedict Donald the same thing. Stepien? Meadows? Miller? And if that conversation is taking place, are they talking about messing with the vote, or filing suit, or staging another Brooks Brothers riot? Who knows what they're up to? Because these are people who are anti-democratic and anti-American to the core. The system that Madison and Jefferson set up is only acceptable to them if it keeps them in power — that much is clear.

If this worries you like it worries us, here's what to do: 1) VOTE, either on Election Day or by dropping your ballot off at a polling place or at your local Board of Elections. 2) Give money to Democrats in races across the country. 3) Volunteer to get out the vote for Democrats in your state, Congressional district, city and town. 4) Be ready for whatever happens after November 3. Because we're sorry to say, something will. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

(PHOTO: Pumpkin carving, Orange, New Hampshire)

Stormy Weather

By Sniffles

A hurricane hit the US today — Louisiana's third named storm, in fact — and there was hardly any coverage of it, outside of The Weather Channel. That's 2020 for you. But what little we saw of Zeta reminded us of something we cats learned when we lived in Florida: Every hurricane is different. Andrew wasn't David, and David wasn't Floyd, and Floyd wasn't Wilma, and Wilma wasn't... you get the idea.

They all behaved differently. Presidential elections do, too. We Democrats need to concentrate on that even though the trauma we endured four years ago has made us hyper-vigilant and ever-nervous. Here are a few reasons 2020 isn't 2016.

First, whatever the pollsters were doing wrong last time around, they've corrected. Actually, we're willing to go one step farther and speculate that they may have over-corrected. It could be possible that they're over-sampling Trump supporters. We don't know this, we're just saying.

(On that note, have you noticed how when talking heads say "Biden's lead is within the margin of error," they always assume that the MOE goes in Trump's direction? Why? If Biden has a three-point lead and the MOE is four points, why couldn't Biden really have, for example, a six-point lead? We wish somebody would point this out.)

Second, the race has been stable for months now. If you look up the word "stability" in the dictionary, you'll see a graph of Biden's lead since he wrapped up the nomination.

Third, Benedict Donald was lucky in 2016. He's been spectacularly unlucky this year. On top of the COVID epidemic (which of course he could have mitigated had he taken it seriously), smaller misfortunes keep piling up — from tweeting "I just won" about a debate before it happens, to freezing temperatures in Omaha, to a rained-out rally today in North Carolina (thanks, Hurricane Zeta).

Fourth, those district-level polls that the Cook Political Report's Dave Wasserman has been eyeballing for months now are ringing alarm bells for the Republican side this year, not the Democratic one.

Finally, we have a pandemic. It's affected everyone in the country, and not in a good way. Especially Benedict Donald.

Obviously, it's going to take us years to recover from the shock of 2016. But the best medicine for that would be a Biden-Harris victory next week. If you do one thing between now and then (aside from going to the polls yourself), encourage everyone you know who's filled out an absentee ballot to drop it off, not mail it in. And then let's sit back and watch Hurricane Voter roll in. We cats are looking to PURR.

Biden-Harris Tough

There are only two degrees of separation between us cats and the actor/wrestler Dave Bautista. Although we've never met him in person, if we did, we would rub up against his ankles for this Biden ad. So refreshing to see guys like him and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson pushing back on Benedict Donald's warped brand of masculinity. We cats PURR.

69 Million And Counting

More Americans have already voted in 2020 than voted for Donald Trump* in 2016. Or, for that matter, for Hillary Clinton**. Incredible. We cats PURR.

*62,979,879

**65,844,954

One Week To Go

Okay, kids — Election Day is a week from today. If you were discouraged by what the Senate did last night (and who among us wasn't), here's what you can do for the next seven days: Volunteer, give money, and most of all, either early or on the day of, VOTE.

"Hope is not blind optimism. It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it and to fight for it.

"Hope is the belief that destiny will not be written for us, but by us, by the men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is, who have the courage to remake the world as it should be."

—President Barack Obama

Lest We Furr-get: When "Non" Beat "Oui"

By Hubie and Bertie

Ninety-four percent!

No, that's not the turnout in this year's Presidential election — although if the line we stood in this morning is any indication, it's going to be pretty high. That was the percentage of Quebecers who, back on October 30, 1995, showed up to vote either "Oui" or "Non" to separate from Canada. ("Non" won, in a squeaker.)

Three days before the vote, 100,000 people from across the country had jammed Place du Canada in Montreal for a Unity Rally in support of "Non." There were also, as proven by the final percentages — 50.58% to stay in Canada, and 49.42% to break away — not only Francophones who crossed over but many Quebec federalists who would have felt stranded in a new nation if "Oui" had won.

"Those of us who remained behind would lose [our country], becoming exiles in our own homes," said reporter Don Macpherson, reminiscing in The Montreal Gazette. "Never has anyone more appreciated being Canadian."

Twenty-five years later, Quebec separatists are pretty much yesterday's news. Yes, there are still divisions, but nothing like the fevered pitch of 1995. Which maybe goes to show us that there can always be hope for unity, even in the wake of angry, bitter politics.

Today. Americans are, in the words of Biden-voting Republican consultant Frank Luntz, "caffeinated and cataclysmic." Each side in the 2020 election sees the other's victory as the end of the world. (Spoiler alert: If Benedict Donald wins, it would be.)

The question is, if it's Joe Biden who wins on November 3, will the MAGA crowd — who can't be more than a third of us — roll with it? Or would they feel like men without a country? (Biden would surely do everything he could to make sure they don't.)

Trumpster behavior is unpredictable. But here's the good news: If Biden wins, his margin is going to be a lot bigger than 50.58% to 49.42%. The thousands of early voters we've seen standing in line for hours are not doing it for Donald Trump. We cats are certain of that, and we PURR.

Plain Truth

By Miss Kubelik

We cats showed up to early-vote this morning and were not defeated by the line (which was very long), but by computers that were down. We sicced our New York State assemblywoman on the case, and will try again tomorrow. But gosh, it makes you paranoid.

So we needed a pick-me-up. Here's one! Take a moment to appreciate these billboards in Times Square. "Jared" and "Ivanka" are so upset about this that they've sued the ads' creator, The Lincoln Project. (Which is a little amazing, since a favored Trump tactic is to threaten to sue but never actually go through with it.)

Well, be careful what you wish for: Via their attorney, the Lincoln Lads have responded with a letter so brutal, so unforgiving, and so rapier-sharp, that you fear for the future — when these erstwhile Republicans will once again be working against candidates from our side.

In case you need confirmation, though, here's testimony from former Homeland Security employee and Mike Pence adviser Olivia Troye:

"These billboards are FACT and Jared Kushner knows it. 'Cuomo didn’t pound the phones hard enough to get PPE for his state. His people are going to suffer and that’s their problem.' I heard these and other comments repeatedly. Anyone in the White House who says otherwise is lying." We cats thank Olivia, and we PURR.