Late Bloomer?

By Miss Kubelik

Well, here we are, all waiting breathlessly (not) to see if the Jersey Chub will join the 2012 Republican clown college. We're also marveling at the additional meltdowns in the Michele Bachmann campaign, and have decided that Rick Perry's new nickname should be "Perryhead."

But we're not going to post on any of those things. We want to announce that we know how an Anybody-But-Mitt candidate could jump into the race as late as next March, and still have a chance to deny the nomination to the much-unloved Mr. Romney.

The conventional wisdom that everyone's indulging in now dictates that a late-announcing candidate will face significant organizing hurdles. Indeed, yes. But that CW is based on the assumption that he or she would choose to contest the early primary states. To which we cats ask: Who says you have to run in Iowa/New Hampshire/South Carolina/Nevada to win?

What if Romney, Perry, Bachmann and even "Herb" Cain split those early states between them, leaving the race with nobody on a steamroll?

And then, what if Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump, Haley Barbour, Mitch Daniels, John Thune or the famous quitter from Alaska (especially the famous quitter from Alaska) skipped the early contests — and, okay, maybe Florida and Utah and a couple of others with upcoming deadlines — and announced on or around Super Tuesday?

Or on or around the Iowa caucuses, to step on the winner there?

The advantage? Republican party rules dictate that primaries held before April 1 must distribute delegates proportionately. Primaries held after April 1 are winner-take-all.

If no candidate piles up insurmountable numbers in the early, proportional-representation states, someone could come into a state like California after April 1 and get a third of the vote — but 100 percent of the delegates. (Not unlike John McCain clinching the 2008 nomination in then-winner-take-all Florida.) And so on, and so forth.

Now, as we know from all the jockeying that's going on, the calendar is fungible. The details are still settling into place. But the possibility exists. While it wouldn't work for relative nobodies like George Pataki or Bobby Jindal or maybe even Thune, the other clown college members mentioned above might conceivably have a shot. We're particularly convinced that the famous quitter from Alaska has looked into it.

We can hear the announcement now: "The early states not only suck up valuable time and money, they warp the whole nominating process. To beat Barack Obama, Republicans need someone who will run a national campaign — instead of one that's decided by 2,500 precincts in Iowa."

Perverse? Yes. Risky? Absolutely. Uncertain? You bet. But even if Christie announces today that he's not running, it ain't over till it's over.

(IMAGE: Stinkweed, of course.)