Premature Ejaculations

By Baxter

Was teabagger Congresswoman Jean Schmidt talking to FOX "News" on her cellphone yesterday when she screamed with joy outside the Supreme Court? We cats wouldn't be surprised. Of course, a few minutes later she and other Obama haters had to come to terms with the fact that the Supremes upheld the Affordable Care Act. What fun!

While we cats could watch this video endlessly, unsurprisingly, FOX "News" had a shameless excuse for their early, false report. "Our job is to share the news as we learn it," they said. "You don't have to wait until the conclusion of the Yankees game to give the score."

Nonsense. First, it's belittling to compare a SCOTUS decision on important public policy to a baseball game (despite John Roberts' famous pledge to, as Chief Justice, simply call balls and strikes). Even worse, though, FOX's statement is an expression of pride in reporting information that is partial and wrong. Perhaps their naked desire to see President Obama suffer defeat just got the better of them.

Whatever the reason or reasons, we can only imagine how FOX would have covered the following stories. Enjoy!

"South Secedes, United States Only Lasts 80 Years"

"France Falls, Nazis Win World War II"

"Nixon Beats Kennedy in First Televised Debate"

"Edsel, New Coke Big Hits with Consumers"

And, ironically, the most obvious one:

"Gore Wins Florida, Will Become 43rd President"