There may be no greater sign of how screwed-up the Republican Party is than this year's election in Virginia for Governor, Lt. Governor and Attorney General.
Let us cats try to summarize it for you.
On the Republican side, the party's extreme right wing continues to call the shots. A motley crew of teabaggers, libertarians and slobbering fans of Ken "I Never Met a Fetus I Didn't Think Had More Rights Than a Woman" Cuccinelli changed state party rules and mandated a nominating convention of activists and insiders — instead of making their candidates run in a primary and be judged by actual voters. Result? Cootchy gets tapped for Guv while a more moderate candidate, current Lt. Governor Bill Bolling, is run out of town.
That same convention also nominated to succeed Bolling a crazy hater named E.W. Jackson, who has compared Planned Parenthood to the KKK and who regularly insults gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered Virginians. This guy is so off the wall that even Cuccinelli has been trying to distance himself from him — without much success, we're happy to note.
(Cootchy apparently has no problem with his party's wacko A.G. candidate, who thinks that women who suffer from miscarriages should report themselves to the police.)
And what's happening on the Democratic side?
We have a primary election — in fact, it's this Tuesday. Terry McAuliffe, who we cats have known ever since he was a little baby gubernatorial candidate, is facing the voters so he can, in turn, face Cuccinelli in November. And running for Lt. Governor and Attorney General are four outstanding contenders — so outstanding that we have no clue how we're going to choose among them.
Aneesh Chopra, Ralph Northam, Mark Herring and Justin Fairfax all pledge to return Richmond to sanity, oppose discrimination, reduce gun violence and stop the all-out GOP assault on women's reproductive rights, healthcare and the environment.
How will we cats ever decide among such great candidates — guys who aren't afraid to subject themselves to the voters' best judgments? We might end up having to play Eenie Meenie Miny Moe. But since we don't approve of catching tigers by their toes, it might be Rock-Paper-Scissors.
That last possibility reminds us that one thing is clear: The Virginia Republican Party, captive of its fringe yet needing to appeal to moderate voters, is between a rock and a hard place. (There's that phrase again.) We'll do our best to humiliate them in November.
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