Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Makes Cheney Look Good


By Miss Kubelik

Around this time of year, 50-pound bags of deer corn start showing up at our local Walmart and, we presume, at sporting goods stores. It always annoys us cats because we know what it's for: luring unsuspecting woodland creatures out so that teabag guys who don't feel manly unless they shoot something can slaughter them. (Our owners buy it, but only to shoot deer with a camera, not a gun.)

We instantly thought of the deer corn when we heard about the murder of Cecil the Lion. The details of the crime are so appalling that we cats can't bear to repeat them here. Suffice to say that the perpetrator, a loathsome individual named Walter Palmer who practices dentistry when he's not killing endangered animals, deserves to be hounded from society for all time.

Happily, that appears to be what's happening. Social media has exploded in revulsion, and this Palmer psychopath has been forced to shut down all of his lives, online and real. Newt Gingrich is among those calling for Palmer to be hauled off to the hoosegow. Wow — we cats agree with Newt Gingrich! Just amazing.

There are not enough dirty litter boxes in the world to dump on Walter Palmer's head, in his underwear drawer, his hot tub or anywhere else. We cats will have to rely on the world's most famous conservationist to speak for us, because we are simply speechless at Palmer's cruelty, pusillanimity and depravity. He no longer qualifies as a member of the human race, and we cats HISS.

"Not only is it incomprehensible to me that anyone would want to kill an endangered animal (fewer than 20,000 wild lions in Africa today) but to lure Cecil from the safety of a national park and then to shoot him with a crossbow? I have no words to express my repugnance.”

—Jane Goodall

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