Monday, December 2, 2019

Front Page News

By Sniffles

If you've never attended a Benedict Donald "rally" (we prefer to call them "shows"), chances are good that you have no idea who this woman is. She would probably prefer that. But thanks to Trump and his cult followers, Lisa Page's professional life at the FBI, and her personal life as well, have been turned upside down.

You can get the whole story here, (it involves a lot of perfidy from DOJ, Rod Rosenstein and a worthless Trump cretin by the name of Sarah Isgur Flores) but here's the short version: After two-plus years of silence, former FBI counsel Page has finally decided to speak out because Trump mocked her with a fake orgasm at a show in October.

We've long tried to figure out why Benedict Donald is so obsessed with Page and her former FBI colleague (and inamorato) Peter Strzok. It's not like they're anybody. Despite Trumpster paranoia about the "deep state," their texts to one another are underwhelming — and they've been officially cleared of any bias. Maybe the real targets were bigger fish, and they were just unlucky enough to get in the line of fire?

As with everything Trump, it's unclear and confusing. At least, it was — until we saw Page's picture.

Trump wants to have sex with her. If he were still "Apprentice" host Donald Trump — sitting next to her on a plane, enticing her into a Bergdorf's dressing room, standing in an elevator or waiting backstage at "The Late Show with David Letterman" — he'd attack her instantly. But now he can't. He's in that big white prison at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, with a lock on his bedroom door and Melania on a separate floor. So he can only rail against Page and Strzok (whom he obviously, bitterly envies) on Twitter and at his shows.

It all makes us want to throw up. Will we ever have a President who isn't disgusting? We cats HISS.

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