Although this post is about the woes of a certain Republican candidate, we thought we'd lead with a nice photo of Dark Brandon, looking decidedly not-dark on National Ice Cream Day. (That's the same Dark Brandon who just raised $72 million for his re-election last quarter — twice as much as Benedict Donald, and more than all the other Republican nitwits combined.)
It's also World Snake Day, which brings us to Ron DeSantis. Or Rhonda, as many like to call him.
This weekend (when he probably thought no one was looking), Rhonda, or should we say wife Casey, sacked 10 to 12 campaign staffers, thinking that would help turn things around. Unfortunately, the problem may be the candidate, not the staff.
Even if DeSantis didn't need a personality transplant, he has some real challenges ahead. For example, he reported raising $20 million last quarter. Not bad, but there are two caveats. First, he's reliant on major givers, many of whom have already maxed out. And he doesn't have a lot of small donors to make up the slack — they're still with Trump.
On top of that, he has to tamp down his burn rate. Maybe that's why they fired a dozen people? But they're racing through money like crazy, with nothing to show for it. Perhaps spend less on those silly vests? Or cut Casey's eyebrow pencil budget?
But the most pressing problem for DeSantis is that he must, must change the media narrative. This won't be easy after having been fluffed so ridiculously by a craven press that was looking for a race to boost eyeballs and clicks. But how will Rhonda turn that storyline around unless or until he wins something? Iowa and New Hampshire are months away, and the first Republican debate isn't until August 23. That's five weeks to fill with nothing.
Until, of course, Jack Smith or Fani Willis hands Benedict Donald his third and fourth indictments, in which case all the oxygen in right-wing media will be used up with people defending Trump and decrying the deep state. It'll be pretty hard for Rhonda to break through that.
So, not a great scenario. Obviously, anything can happen in politics — but at this point, you couldn't be blamed for wondering if DeSantis is secretly praying for a hurricane to hit Florida. That would let him run home and try to be a hero — at least until Dark Brandon shows up. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.
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