Grief For Greitens? Great!

By Sniffles

There's too much going on in Trump World tonight. Michael Cohen tapes, James Comey's book, the RNC's anti-Comey "war room," Scott Pruitt's never-ending scandals, Mike Pompeo's kinda-not-great testimony on Capitol Hill today, Scooter Libby, the post office, gossiping doormen, Paul Ryan throwing in the towel...

We're exhausted.

So let's talk about Eric Greitens instead.

Greitens, the Republican Governor of Missouri, was already on the hot seat over his tying-up-his-mistress sex scandal — and the Missouri House just turned the temperature up about 1,000 degrees. Their report not only outlines the stomach-wrenching details of the whole affair but also appears to find the mistress's testimony wholly credible. Ugh. We cats caution you before you read. It's truly the stuff of Hairball City.

Greitens is reacting to all this by trying to go full-court Trump. He's calling it a "political witch hunt" and is refusing to resign, even though his own state attorney general is begging him to do so. (That guy is running against Claire McCaskill, so he really, really wants Greitens out of the way. Gosh, Claire is lucky in her enemies.)

The question tonight is this: Can Greitens truly take that "witch hunt" page from the Trump playbook? Trump leans on his history as a much-married celebrity womanizer and no doubt feels that since the "Access Hollywood" tape didn't sink him, everybody's cool with his caddishness. (We'll see about that, by the way.) But Greitens is different: He ran for Governor as a family-values, Jesus-loving right winger. We're not sure if in-your-face Trumpy tactics are going to work for him.

Of course, we want Greitens to stay right where he is: being umbrage-y, keeping his unsavory story in the news, fomenting party discord, making his GOP Senate candidate wildly uncomfortable, and basically causing as much misery on the Republican side of the aisle as he can.

So you keep being you, Eric. It's going so well! We cats PURR.

Hey, Mulligan Man!

By Miss Kubelik

We cats had no idea that a tax cut for the rich was worth so much: The entire Republican Party has been giving Donald Trump mulligans on all of his bad behavior over the past year, with only a few holdouts like Jeff Flake calling him out.

Even today, as Paul Ryan and a GOP Congressman from Florida (who kind of got lost in all the headlines) head for the exits, nobody's saying it's Trump's fault. If they did that, you see, they'd have to admit they're in big trouble with voters come November. That would be bad.

And there's one group that's staying firmly in Trump's corner: the evangelicals. Seems that saving all those otherwise-aborted babies is, to them, worth forgiving the most venal and corrupt reprobate ever to darken the halls of the White House. But now that the "Access Hollywood" tape has surfaced again — an object of FBI interest, presumably due to the questions it raises about other payoffs that fixer Michael Cohen might have made — we wonder how far the right-wing Christians' patience will stretch.

How many mulligans will they give Donald Trump?

He's already gotten one for Stormy Daniels. Does he get more if it turns out Stormy has photos? What about Karen McDougal? Her affair with Trump lasted almost a year. How many mulligans for a longer-term relationship versus a one-golf-tournament stand?

How many mulligans do evangelical Christians give for an affair that took place close to the birth of one of Trump's children? Is it more or fewer mulligans if the kid hasn't arrived yet? Are more mulligans required depending on which wife he cheated on? (Melania's number three, remember. Hey! Where is Melania these days?)

And what if it turns out that all this golf-tourney-flirting and pussy grabbing and everything else resulted in a lot of other women being paid to keep quiet not just about an affair, but also about an abortion? (Stormy said he didn't use any protection.) See, these are the kinds of things Michael Cohen would have taken care of. And the evangelicals care so much about birthing babies.

We cats sure wish we knew the answers to the Mulligan Mysteries, but we're patient. We'll wait. Until then, we glory in the Trumpian discomfort, and we PURR.

Jennifer Rubin, We Bow To Thee

"...Ryan retreats from the scene after loading the country up with debt and leaving virtually every other agenda item save tax cuts undone. He fantasized that in backing Trump, who lacks conservative principles (or any principles), he’d have carte blanche to enact the entire GOP agenda. He made his Faustian bargain with Trump on the false assumption that Trump would be compliant, take direction from House Republicans and demonstrate enough discipline to get through a slew of initiatives.

"That did not come to pass, because Ryan, in making his disastrous decision to place party over country and corporate tax cuts over defense of democratic values, failed to comprehend the depth of Trump’s unfitness and the centrality of character in determining a president’s success.

"Instead of achieving the entire GOP agenda, Ryan will leave a besmirched legacy defined by his decision to back, enable and defend Trump, no matter how objectionable Trump’s rhetoric and conduct. 

"Ryan has come to embody the nasty scourge of tribalism that dominates our politics. The inability to separate partisan loyalty from patriotic obligation — or to assess the interests of the country and the need to defend democratic norms and institutions — is proving to be the downfall of the Republican Party and the principle threat to our liberal (small “l”) democracy. And no one is more responsible for this than Ryan. No one."

—"Paul Ryan Is Abandoning The Ship Before It Sinks," 

The Washington Post, April 11, 2018

Dangerous Clown

By Zamboni

Back in October, when the Harvey Weinstein scandal exploded, one of the horrors of the stories that ran and ran and ran and ran was that every time a new allegation surfaced, we all had to look at a picture of Harvey Weinstein again.

Now, the same thing is happening with Mark Zuckerberg. Ugh, we can't get away from him. Please let his Capitol Hill testimony be over soon. We cannot unsee that bratty face and big forehead.

Meanwhile, with Donald Drumpf foaming at the mouth about Robert Mueller (who didn't order yesterday's raid on Michael Cohen), and Republicans declining to protect Mueller from being sacked, Twitter is talking impeachment again. Heck, some of the tweeps we like most have been talking impeachment for some time.

We cats love those guys, but we say, please no. You impeach Trump, you get Pence. We are not willing to get Pence.

We kid you not: As hideous as Trump is, Pence would be worse. That's because as a previous office-holder he would instantly come with a veneer of political legitimacy. And because the Republicans — who are still in the majority, remember — would rally gratefully around him. And because, as we all know, the media — worthless accomplices and stenographers that they are — would give him a honeymoon to beat all honeymoons. When in reality he is a right-wing religious fanatic and hater. To the nth degree, folks.

So talk to us after the midterms — and after a few months of Russiagate. Because at least two things must happen before we'll jump on the impeachment bandwagon: 1) Democrats must take the House, and 2) Pence must be revealed to be complicit in the Russian intrigue. (We're convinced of that second point. Remember that it was Paul Manafort, Mr. Russia himself, who wanted Pence for the ticket. Trump preferred Chris Christie. It was one of the few times he was talked out of something he wanted to do.)

So either we get President Nancy Pelosi until America can get its act together, or we all just muddle along until we can kick Trump and Pence out the old-fashioned way — with unsullied 2020 votes. Then we can start repairing the grievous damage these gangsters and grifters have done. Which would make us PURR.

(UPDATE, April 11: So the loathsome Paul Ryan is quitting, but that doesn't change our take on impeachment. A Speaker named Kevin McCarthy or Steve Scalise would still be third in line for the Presidency. Still, we're pretty amazed that Ryan won't stick around for the glorious Republican dismantling of the social safety net, and we PURR.)

Tidbits And Cat Treats: There's No Sun Up In The Sky Edition

By Baxter

The FBI has raided the office of the repulsive fixer Michael Cohen, potentially causing a lot of, um, stormy weather for Donald Trump. The Cohen coverage is threatening to blot out everything else, but we cats have a few words we'd like to get in edgewise.

Since the Cohen raid was held after a referral from Special Counsel Mueller, the first thing that popped into our head was this: Did the $130,000 come from a Russian oligarch?

Trump has called the raid "an attack on our country." Hilarious, when the real attack on our country was the subversion of the 2016 election. Projection!

In non-raid news, Florida's first Martian Governor has decided he wants to be Florida's first Martian Senator. The media are spinning this as good news for Republicans who want to send Democrat Bill Nelson out to pasture. We cats say, not so fast. Aside from his tightness with Trump, Rick Scott got elected and re-elected in two years (2010 and 2014) in which the Democratic vote was suppressed. Let's see how he does in a year when Florida Democrats are angry and motivated.

Finally, Laura Ingraham is still losing advertisers! Allstate is the latest to drop her. So the fervor of the Parkland kids is still going strong almost two months later. Has anyone told the new Republican candidate for Senate in Florida? Because David Hogg, for one, is heartily endorsing #notscott. We cats PURR.

Slamming Gabby Giffords? It Makes Us Want To Ralph

By Sniffles

We cats can't wait for cruelty to go out of fashion.

South Carolina Republican Congressman "Ralph Norman" pulled out a loaded gun at a town hall meeting and boasted that he wasn't "going to be a Gabby Giffords." Meaning, we guess, that unlike the poor, pathetic House member from Tucson who was shot in the head at close range, he would defend himself against a bad guy with a gun.

Gabby Giffords has endured not just the initial bullet to her brain, but months and years of grueling rehabilitation. She's fought through it like a champ, and clearly has more balls than this "Ralph Norman" person ever will. It's unspeakably heartless for any Republican jackass to speak about her as if she's a weak sister who got what she deserved.

Never mind the fact that if you had listed the members of Congress who, in Giffords's time, would have been seen favorably by both sides of the aisle, Gabby would have landed in the top 20.

And by the way — we're really glad we weren't at that town hall. We wouldn't have felt safe. We cats dump a dirty litter box on "Ralph Norman's" head, and we HISS.

Kevin Williamson: He's Mean And Evil Through And Through

By Miss Kubelik

So, is this Kevin Williamson person really a good writer? At first we couldn't imagine that he isn't, since The Atlantic wanted to hire him. But then, here have been plenty of talented people who have been awful excuses for human beings. (Ezra Pound and Richard Wagner, for example, were notorious anti-Semites.)

Williamson, it turns out, is a crude hatemonger. He's gone after African Americans, transgender people, Mexicans, Muslims, federal workers, union members, the Obamas, Maya Angelou and the Parkland kids. But it's his penchant for saying women who have abortions should be hanged that's just forced Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg to can him.

As a result, Williamson is trending on Twitter tonight — and there are plenty of tweeps, most of them with male names and avatars, who are bemoaning his plight. Forgive us cats if we continue to insist that nobody without a uterus has credibility on this issue.

What's more disturbing is The Atlantic's willingness to hire Williamson in the first place. Editor Goldberg, who's probably never given the idea of unplanned pregnancy a second thought, apparently believed that bringing a vaguely menacing-looking right winger on board would generate buzz. He insisted that Williamson was an "excellent reporter" and that the hanging tweet was just an isolated incident. This website performed an important public service by proving Goldberg wrong.

Jeffrey Goldberg not only revealed his cluelessness about Williamson. He also betrayed all non-male readers of his magazine and, not incidentally, every woman on his staff. In his change-of-heart email, he tried to backtrack by saying Williamson did not represent "the values of our workplace." Too late, Jeff: You violated those values already. We cats are super-glad we don't work for you, and we HISS.

(IMAGE: Cat Ballou, of course!)

Failing Grade.

By Zamboni

The rabidly anti-democratic Governor of Wisconsin, who has done more than perhaps anybody to disenfranchise and disempower people, may be a college dropout — but after last night's Supreme Court election, even he might be smart enough to read the writing on the wall.

Check out Scott Walker's umbrage-y tweet, because it's a classic. We don't disagree with him about the Blue Wave. We just wonder what in the hell he's talking about when he refers to "our positive story."

What do the Republicans have to talk about that's "positive"? A trade war with China? Auto emission rollbacks? A crashing stock market? Russians subverting our elections? ICE tearing apart families? A lunatic in the Oval Office, and the world despising us? And that's just a partial list.

Oh! There's that tax cut they passed. But funny thing — we haven't heard Republicans talking about that much. Not only have people started to realize that it's nothing but a big giveaway to corporations and the one percent, but the GOP is too distracted by the antics of their President to be able to stay on message.

As for "anger and hatred"? We saw enough of that in Charlottesville last August, and it wasn't from our side. It was from all those "very fine people." So once again, Scott Walker flunks out. We cats HISS.

Lest We Furr-get: The Real Witch Hunt

By Baxter

Wow, we're hitting rock bottom again. We cats have just read Jill McCabe's op-ed in The Washington Post — about the destruction of her husband Andrew's FBI career and the persecution of her family — and it doesn't seem possible that things could get any worse. It's scary to realize that they probably will.

Time to back up a bit and see how we got here.

The only place to lay blame for the toxicity of today's politics is directly at the feet of the Republican Party. (Okay, with a supporting role by the media, but never mind that now.) We've been furious about this for years — around 25 of them, in fact. That was when the GOP really revved up what had already been a noxious attack machine — the repulsive legacy of Lee Atwater, who started it all with the Willie Horton ad and who deservedly died of a brain tumor in 1991.

Back then, we naively thought we'd seen the worst of the politics of personal destruction. But then Bill Clinton beat George H.W. Bush in 1992, and FOX "News" was born a few years after that. And things have just gone so far downhill since that now we're all in the abyss.

Even after September 11, 2001, when we were all supposed to be E pluribus unum, Republicans never strayed from demonizing Democrats. (We'll never get over what they did to Vietnam vet and triple-amputee Senator Max Cleland.) We all know now how Barack Obama's victory in 2008 drove them to new levels of birtherism, obstructionism and delusion. Today, with voter suppression, the GOP is undermining democracy, but that's not all: With Donald Trump and the Russians, they're willfully committing what in our book is treason.

Jill McCabe's story of harassment and persecution by Trump and his GOP enablers is the latest chilling chapter in this awful, awful story. "Nothing can prepare you for what happens when your life is turned upside down by current events," she writes. "Nothing prepares you for conversations you have to have with your teenage children. Nothing prepares you for the news crews staking out your house, your back yard, your place of business. Nothing prepares you for the fear you feel every time you receive a package from a stranger."

Did anyone just notice that she just compared Trump and his gangsters to the Austin bomber? We did. Politics simply cannot be like this, and the only way to fix it is to kick these Republicans' asses out of office — not just in the 2018 midterms, but for good. We cats will do everything we can to make that happen. In the meantime, we HISS.

Hogging The Spotlight

By Sniffles

We cats admit to being out of the loop on celebrity stuff. Every day our local paper reports on famous people's birthdays, and it lists the people from oldest to youngest. The younger they get, the less we know them.

So it was only just the other day that we learned to our amazement that there's somebody named "Frank Stallone" in the world, and apparently he's famous — but only because he's the kid brother of Sylvester Stallone. Our introduction to him wasn't pleasant. It was through a tweet in which he went after Parkland student David Hogg in profane and threatening terms.

Well, somebody got to him (unless it was the mass condemnation of the Twitterverse, not to mention the entire Interwebs). Maybe a lawyer? Anyway, this morning "Frank Stallone" tweeted this: "To everyone and to David Hogg especially. I want to deeply apologize for my irresponsible words. I would never in a million years wish or promote violence to anyone anywhere on this planet. After what these kids went though I’m deeply ashamed. Please accept my apology. Frank."

Okay, "Frank," but things were so much nicer before we knew you existed.

Meanwhile, another "celebrity relative" hasn't been imbued by the spirit of Holy Week the way "Frank" has. "Michael Flynn, Jr." seems to be breaking under the knowledge that his daddy is probably going to jail. Why else would he project a whole lot of father-son angst in his anti-Hogg tweet? Or did he just feel like "Frank Stallone" was getting too much attention? We cats HISS.