Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Hey, Mulligan Man!

By Miss Kubelik

We cats had no idea that a tax cut for the rich was worth so much: The entire Republican Party has been giving Donald Trump mulligans on all of his bad behavior over the past year, with only a few holdouts like Jeff Flake calling him out.

Even today, as Paul Ryan and a GOP Congressman from Florida (who kind of got lost in all the headlines) head for the exits, nobody's saying it's Trump's fault. If they did that, you see, they'd have to admit they're in big trouble with voters come November. That would be bad.

And there's one group that's staying firmly in Trump's corner: the evangelicals. Seems that saving all those otherwise-aborted babies is, to them, worth forgiving the most venal and corrupt reprobate ever to darken the halls of the White House. But now that the "Access Hollywood" tape has surfaced again — an object of FBI interest, presumably due to the questions it raises about other payoffs that fixer Michael Cohen might have made — we wonder how far the right-wing Christians' patience will stretch.

How many mulligans will they give Donald Trump?

He's already gotten one for Stormy Daniels. Does he get more if it turns out Stormy has photos? What about Karen McDougal? Her affair with Trump lasted almost a year. How many mulligans for a longer-term relationship versus a one-golf-tournament stand?

How many mulligans do evangelical Christians give for an affair that took place close to the birth of one of Trump's children? Is it more or fewer mulligans if the kid hasn't arrived yet? Are more mulligans required depending on which wife he cheated on? (Melania's number three, remember. Hey! Where is Melania these days?)

And what if it turns out that all this golf-tourney-flirting and pussy grabbing and everything else resulted in a lot of other women being paid to keep quiet not just about an affair, but also about an abortion? (Stormy said he didn't use any protection.) See, these are the kinds of things Michael Cohen would have taken care of. And the evangelicals care so much about birthing babies.

We cats sure wish we knew the answers to the Mulligan Mysteries, but we're patient. We'll wait. Until then, we glory in the Trumpian discomfort, and we PURR.

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