Sunday, December 8, 2013

Cootchy Out, Chinless In?

By Baxter

Aw! It looks like we cats won't have Ken "Let Us Now Praise Famous Fetuses" Cuccinelli to kick around any more. At the Virginia Republican heads-in-the-sand confab at The Homestead last night, Cootchy announced that he wouldn't try to run against Democratic U.S. Senator Mark Warner next year.

(The Cootch also continued his streak of ungracious speeches, using his time in the Homestead spotlight to slam his fellow GOPers for deserting him. The very thing that Eric Cantor urged Republicans not to do any more. What were we just saying about heads in the sand?)

Well, never mind. Gearing up for a run — and thus riding to our funny-bone rescue — is maybe, just possibly, and totally tantalizingly: The Chinless Wonder, Ed Gillespie.

This is so great. You remember Chinless. He's the former Republican party chair and Beltway consultant who said he was going to fix the Romney campaign and then didn't. He's a lifelong political hack who's thinking of competing with a successful Democratic entrepreneur and real-life job creator. He's one of the gay haters who helped craft the 2004 anti-marriage-equality strategy for the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived. But most of all, he's a Washington insider who, at next June's nominating convention, is going to have to woo scores of rabid teabaggers who despise people exactly like him.

"It's a very winnable race," Chinless said. There's that GOP heads-in-the-sand thing again. We cats PURR.

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