Where Have You Gone, Rancid Pieface? Your Party Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You

By Baxter

Yesterday we cats wondered aloud if Paul Ryan would get a primary challenge next year. While we don't have the answer yet — and we wouldn't be surprised if it's "yes," what with the teabags and the Freepers up in arms — our thoughts this Friday evening are turning to the Senate.

Things have been very cranky in the upper house, but that's not why we're writing. We're thinking specifically of all the money that the GOP is going to have to spend defeating nutcase Senate candidates in 2014 before they can even begin to pivot to the general election.

Let's take the incumbent Republicans first. Lindsey Graham has a primary. Lamar "I Hire Child Porn Enthusiasts" Alexander has a primary. Pat Roberts has a primary. Thad Cochran has a primary. John Cornyn has a primary. (Okay, Steve Stockman is a clown, but still.) Mike Enzi has a primary, and boy, don't we know that! And of course, Mitch McConnell has a primary — not to mention a difficult November if he survives.

Then, of course, there are Republican primaries for open or Democratic seats. Look for things to get ugly in Iowa, Georgia, North Carolina, Minnesota, Nebraska, Colorado, New Hampshire, Virginia and Louisiana. (Those last two are particularly delicious. Virginia will nominate their anti-Mark-Warner candidate at a party convention filled with whackjobs. And Louisiana is an open primary in which a run-off ensues if no candidate gets 50 percent plus one — which means more opportunities for GOP candidates to tear each other apart.)

Republicans have so far avoided nasty primaries in West Virginia, Michigan and South Dakota — but of those, Michigan and South Dakota could still see a late challenge, so stay tuned.

Bottom line, we're seeing a huge money drain here. We cats don't understand why the Beltway media haven't woken up to this yet — is fundraising boring? — but we're happy to be the first to point out that Rancid Pieface and whatever donors he has left in the Republican Party have their work cut out for them next year.

And, oh — by the way, when is the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee going to dump Ted Cruz as a vice chairman? Because we're not seeing him helping the GOP's Establishment crowd much. Which makes us cats PURR.

(PHOTO: We first spotted this priceless Pieface-related image at Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog.)