Give Us The Skinny On Christie's Weight

By Sniffles

We cats are beginning to wonder if Chris Christie's weight-loss surgery is one big nefarious ruse.

Here is Christie in Boston a few days ago for his speech to the Republican National Committee. Is this a man who allegedly had a lap-band procedure last winter? He looks the same to us.

Never mind that of the three available surgeries — banding, the "sleeve" and gastric bypass — Christie's procedure is the least successful. That's pretty much all relative; lap-band's outcomes are positive enough that, in Christie's case, we expect to see some results. Mostly because appearance is all we have to go on.

In fact, the silence is deafening. We've seen no regular updates from Christie's office, even while he's in the midst of a re-election campaign and even while he very publicly flirts with running for President in 2016. We've seen no journalists hounding him for answers. "How's it going, Governor?" "How are you adjusting?" and, most important, "How much weight have you lost?"

We cats can't imagine why this is so — unless reporters have suddenly become sensitive about being yelled at, which Christie undoubtedly would do. So we're left with the unthinkable: That the press is simply going to allow him to skate by on the question of his weight while they indulge his fantasies of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Incredible.

We do not live in New Jersey, but we do live in the United States. And if Christie wants to be our President and has subjected himself to a major, life-altering bariatric procedure that has a huge, overarching effect on his lifespan and health — well, we want details. Regular updates from his physicians, the results of his weekly weigh-ins, his exercise routine, his diet. Everything.

If Barack Obama had to release his long-form birth certificate to bitch-slap the birthers, it's not too much to ask for information on a real issue, like the state of a candidate's health. After all, what if Sarah Palin gets nominated for Vice President again? We cats HISS.