"I Love My Children Very Much. I'm Sorry They're Having To Go Through This"

By Sniffles

The Transvaginal Bob McDonnell corruption trial is astonishing. We cats had a live blog up on our computer all day, and just when we thought the testimony couldn't get any more cringe-inducing, it did.

And it's just beginning! Goodness gracious, Transvaginal Bob and his greedy cheerleader wife must truly fear prison — or have an exalted sense of righteousness — or both — to willingly subject themselves to such humiliation. In fact, it's so bad that we cats are thinking that even if "Bo" and "Mo" don't get convicted, we've enjoyed ourselves enough.

But then we wallow in the details, and we change our minds. Let's review them again, shall we?

• Daughter Cailin, weeping on the stand, claimed that she and her husband would have preferred a simple, backyard wedding and never thought to question a $15,000 payment for her catering bill from "Jonnie" Williams, a man she'd met for only 15 minutes.
• Son "Bobby" received golf clubs from Williams, and even though he thought the gift was "excessive," decided to keep them because Williams was his friend, not his parents'.
• Maureen wanted Williams's private plane to hopscotch across the Commonwealth, picking up her three adult children in two different locations and take them to the Homestead resort — a journey they could have driven in less than two hours.
• Williams flew daughter Rachel and a friend down to Florida for a lavish, beach-club-and-yacht-trip-filled vacation.
• Maureen told Williams that she and Transvaginal Bob were broke, adding, "The governor says it’s okay for me to help you, but I need you to help me with this financial situation." (That sounds pretty quid pro quo-y to us.) 

Yep, these McDonnells are truly the most embarrassing Republican family since the Palins. But the worst is Transvaginal Bob himself. He's not only guilty of forcing his rigid, narrow religious views into Virginians' personal lives by enshrining them in restrictive legislation. He isn't just a closet hater who wrote a homophobic master's thesis at Regent "University" and issued a Confederate History Month proclamation that completely ignored slavery. He is also a rotten, awful, horrible man.

How do we know? Here's how. He claims to adore his children. But for some strange, twisted reason, he refused a plea offer and insisted on this trial instead — this trial that is making his daughter cry, his son look like an idiot, and his family a laughingstock. If that's fine, upstanding Christian manhood, we cats HISS.