Wednesday, October 11, 2023

If It's Scalise, Where's Elise?

By Sniffles

We cats haven't paid a whole lot of attention to the allegedly-reasonable-Republican-turned-Trumpy-fangirl, Elise "Elsie" Stefanik, since we were blessedly redistricted into Democrat Paul Tonko's NY-21. But we know she's still around, mostly because people keep posting unflattering pictures of her on Twitter. Still... where has she been in all the GOP chaos we're seeing on Capitol Hill?

Politicos like Rick Wilson were sure she was measuring the drapes in the Speaker's office, but we've yet to see her name surface as a potential alternative to the bind the Republicans are in. "David Duke Without the Baggage" only nabbed 113 votes in their closed-door session today, a long way from 217. With far-right nutjobs in opposition and others objecting to Scalise for his white supremacist past (but somehow we're sure they won't hold it against him in the end), the gavel-banging Keebler elf, Patrick McHenry, adjourned the House with a vague promise to reconvene tomorrow.

Now, according to reports, Scalise's chances seem "bleaker." Oh, gosh! — the House is paralyzed, but it's not as if there's anything else happening in the world to command their attention.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, the Democratic caucus unanimously got behind Hakeem Jeffries for Speaker in about 10 minutes. You know, all we need is some brave Republicans from Biden districts to throw their lot in with us, and stuff could start getting done again. And you wouldn't have to choose between a sexual-abuse enabler and a guy who caters to the KKK.

(And hey! — whatever happened to the Trump-for-Speaker boomlet from a few days ago? Benedict Donald sure seems like yesterday's news.)

The Republicans are a joke. A complete joke. We'd be taking more pleasure in their distress if democracy weren't under siege around the world and Israelis weren't being murdered in their beds and Palestinians weren't packed into Gaza with an imminent Israeli invasion and nowhere to go. We need adults in the room, folks. If there's any greater argument for putting Congress and the Presidency in Democratic hands next year, we don't know what it is. We cats HISS.

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