55 A Day

By Sniffles

We cats didn't post until now because we had to do the math. How many voters has Bernie Sanders lost since the last New Hampshire primary? Here's the answer.

In 2016, Sanders won the Granite State with 152,193 votes (about 60 percent). Last night he won with 73,612 votes (about 26 percent).

Yes, this morning's headlines are "Sanders wins." But when you dig into those numbers, it's not all sunshine and unicorns.

Sanders lost 53 percent of his New Hampshire vote from 2016, nearly 80,000 actual votes, and racked up what might be the smallest margin of victory in the history of the Democrats' first-in-the-nation primary. After all his time, effort and money in the state, Sanders shed 55 votes a day, every day, for four years to clinch his glorious 2020 win. (At that rate, it would take him only 1,309 more days to bleed down to zero.)

Meanwhile, Mayor Pete and Amy "Klobucharge" are breathing down his neck. Remember "The Comeback Kid"? That's a handy reminder that Bill Clinton turned a second-place finish in New Hampshire into victory.

It's a long road ahead, fellow Democrats. Bear down, assume nothing, and pledge to support whomever we nominate. We cats PURR.

Hard Numbers

By Hubie and Bertie

Check this out: In his 2016 win in New Hampshire, Bernie Sanders got 152,193 votes and 16 delegates to the Democratic convention.

Now, on this eve of the 2020 New Hampshire primary, here's our take.

In the last four years, Sanders has never stopped campaigning for the White House. He has more money than any other candidate on the ballot tomorrow — a reversal from four years ago. He's been a neighbor of New Hampshire ever since he moved to Vermont in the 1960s.

So this year, 152,193 should not be his ceiling. It should be his floor.

We mention this knowing that we will vote for the Democratic nominee come hell or high water, whoever it is. But we just want to warn the pundits: Don't let the Sanders campaign spin you, even if he lands in first place. He only got half of his 2016 Iowa support last week — and if he doesn't get more than 150,000 votes in New Hampshire tomorrow, he can't claim a win. We cats PURR.

Rally Cap

Does the Red Hat Society have a hat of the year? If so, this is a strong candidate. We cats PURR.

"Keeping The Republic" Is Expensive.

By Miss Kubelik

It's been a trying week for American democracy. The balance of powers took a hit with the complicit Senate Republicans voting to acquit Benedict Donald of inviting foreign interference in our elections — even though the House had proved its case. And then the chaos of the Iowa caucuses started a lazy-media refrain on Democratic disarray (something we hear every four years because, well, as noted, the media are lazy).

But even in the midst of all this fog, we cats are seeing something coming into focus. It's how we're going to beat Trump in the fall. It's only February. But here are our thoughts.

If Citizens United has permanently screwed over American elections — at least, until another SCOTUS decision or an act of Congress can undo it — let's be honest: The only Democratic Presidential candidate right now who can make it work to our advantage is Michael Bloomberg.

As Bloomberg's campaign manager explained in December, the Trumpsters are running a general-election campaign while we Democrats are busy holding our primaries. (The GOP essentially shut theirs down.) While we're consumed with Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina, the ever-unappealing Brad "Weird Beard" Parscale is focusing on Arizona, Florida, Michigan, North Carolina, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania — swing states that will decide who wins in November.

But Bloomberg is there. With ads on the airwaves, and with organizers on the ground.

"We’re running ads against the President right now in the upper Midwest, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and we’ll stretch that to 10 other states,” said Bloomberg's campaign manager, Kevin Sheekey. "Mike has started the general election now on behalf of Democrats and, again, is doing things that are not designed to benefit his candidacy but are meant to weaken the President, so when there is a nominee, we can replace him."

Yes, we're all appalled at big money in politics. But as we've said, Citizens United isn't going away before November. Democrats have a billionaire — a real one, mind you — spending strategically against Donald Trump. It's a brilliant plan to defeat a corrupt, unrestrained incumbent backed by Vladimir Putin. And we think it makes Parscale worried. We cats PURR.

National Emergency

By Zamboni

We cats aren't sure how to respond to yesterday's Trump tantrum(s). Mainly because with his fake impeachment acquittal under his size-52 belt, he's sure to let rip with many more of them. Prepare to have to perennially pick your jaw off the floor.

This is no laughing matter. It's scary as hell. There are already reports that Vindictive Donald and his White House enablers are hell-bent on firing Alexander Vindman, perhaps as soon as today. It's not going to stop there. And as we already know, the Republicans will do nothing to restrain him. We are in uncharted territory in which one of the two major political parties is complicit in what is essentially a Russian takeover of our government from within.

Here is today's GOP: Right wingers like George Conway, Bill Kristol, Joe Walsh, David Frum and Rick Wilson are the model of moderation. The ever-hesitant Willard "Mitt" Romney is the picture of political courage. The party has shut down its primary process, freezing out alternative candidates like Walsh and Bill Weld and crowning Trump the king.

Meanwhile, over at the Department of Justice, who knows what nefariousness William Barr is up to?

If this doesn't motivate Americans to work like hell to win in November, we don't know what will. So here are some very important marching orders to follow between now and then:

• Register to vote if you haven't already, and pledge to get five other like-minded people to register, too.
• If you're already registered, don't rest easy. Republicans are purging voter rolls around the country because they know that if they don't disenfranchise people, they lose. Check the status of your registration often. (Click here.)
• Pick a Senate campaign to contribute to, and if you live in that state, work like hell for that candidate. Many terrific Democrats are running in states like Arizona (Mark Kelly), Kentucky (Amy McGrath) and, yes, South Carolina (Jaime Harrison).
• If you live in a swing Congressional district or have an otherwise interesting House race (as we do), contribute to the Democrat's campaign and volunteer to make phone calls, knock on doors, and get out the vote.
• Support the candidate of your choice in the primaries, but no matter who wins the Democratic nomination, work your butt off for that candidate and vote for him or her in November. Make the margin so overwhelming that Vladimir Putin, Benedict Donald, and his merry band of Trumpster traitors can't rig it. We cats PURR.

Cord Of Steel

BREAKING: Remember America? We do.#ImpeachmentDay pic.twitter.com/tzGPwX7zBG

— Eleven Films (@Eleven_Films) February 5, 2020

 

Ripping

via GIFER

By Baxter

The biggest lie that Benedict Donald told last night — in the last SOTU he will ever give — was that people with pre-existing conditions will continue to be protected under the ACA.

The truth is that the Trumpsters are fighting hard to strip Americans of those protections. They're in court right now — hoping to put off a SCOTUS decision until after the 2020 election.

So tell us again why Speaker Pelosi shouldn't have ripped up that speech? We cats salute her, and we PURR.

App-alling

By Sniffles

What an (ahem) interesting 24 hours it's been. The technical difficulties in the Hawkeye State have only served as another reminder why the Iowa caucuses need to be struck dead for good and all. It's already pretty undemocratic — many people can't give up a whole evening to caucus, those with disabilities often aren't given accommodation, and there's no secret ballot — and yes, at 90-plus percent white, the state is horribly unrepresentative. So it's probably time to stop giving Iowa a try.

But before we get too riled up about last night's Iowa "app-ocalypse," remember that in 2012 it was the Republicans who were a mess. President Santorum, anyone?

Everyone needs to take a deep breath.

Iowa will become a distant memory as 2020 grinds on. But in the meantime, we can declare with confidence that Pete Buttigieg got a boost, Bernie Sanders only got half of his 2016 numbers, and Joe Biden better start dialing for some dollars. We're not sure what to say about Warren and Klobuchar, but after Benedict Donald was caught behaving like a rude six-year-old at his Super Bowl party, it's clear who the enemy is. (That's something Mike Bloomberg seems to get — because he's running another blistering ad right before tonight's SOTU kickoff.)

Our point is this: Whether the Democrats nominate Pete Buttigieg or Pete Townshend, Bernie Sanders or Bernie Schwartz, Joe Biden or Joe Shlabotnik, Elizabeth Warren or Warren Buffett, count us in. Trump must go. That's all that matters. We cats PURR.

Byrd Poop

By Hubie and Bertie

Whenever we cats need a political pick-me-up, we look to Virginia to see what's up. The latest is pretty smirk-inducing. Delegate Wendell Walker, a Republican from Lynchburg, has introduced a bill to remove Harry Byrd's statue from Richmond's Capitol Square — just to get back at all those woke people and evil Democrats who want to tear down Confederate monuments.

Byrd, of course, was a leading Democrat and notorious racist who fought bitterly against school integration after Brown v. Board. (It was a different Virginia, and a different party, back then.) He died in 1966. Today, naturally, he'd be a stalwart member of the GOP. Corey Stewart would probably throw him a welcoming party.

But in the spirit of "be careful what you wish for," there are many Democrats in the Virginia legislature who are dying to vote to take Byrd's statue down. Once Walker realized that his little ploy wasn't going to work, he started desperately trying to withdraw the bill. The House Rules Committee will have none of it. "I thought he was serious and had a reason for taking the statue down, and so he put in a bill in good faith," the Democratic majority leader deadpanned.

HAHAHAHAHA on you, Wendell Walker. Byrd was a racist pig whose likeness should be pulled down and pulverized. Tear the sucker down like Saddam Hussein. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Punching Back Edition

By Miss Kubelik

The Iowa caucuses are tomorrow, and there's some sort of game on TV tonight. In the middle of the craziness, we cats have noticed some feistyness among Democrats lately. Here are our thoughts.

After NBC reported that John Kerry was overheard in a phone conversation about running for President, the 2004 Democratic nominee — who has endorsed Joe Biden for 2020 — got a tad annoyed. He posted (and deleted) the above tweet. Too bad. Kerry didn't fight back hard enough against the Swift Boat smearers, so we liked seeing him get edgy. Put it back up, John!

The detestable Joni Ernst, underwater for her Senate re-election in Iowa and worried about her base, has started impeaching Joe Biden, and he's not even President yet. (You'll recall that Republicans in 2016 declared they would impeach Hillary seconds after she was sworn in.) Who's going to tell Joni that the Democrats not only hold the House, they're going to win more seats this year? Meanwhile, Biden is having the time of his life making fun of Ernst at campaign events."You can ruin Donald Trump's night by caucusing with me and ruin Joni Ernst's night as well," he jokes.

Benedict "Impeachment Is Forever" Donald is still going after Mike Bloomberg for his height, claiming that the former New York mayor was asking for a box to stand on at the next Democratic debate. Trump is so ridiculously childish that whether it's worth engaging with him is always a question. Bloomberg's team has decided the answer is yes.

"The president is lying," said the mayor's campaign spokeswoman. "He is a pathological liar who lies about everything: his fake hair, his obesity, and his spray-on tan." We cats PURR.