A Tory Pretty Boy Who Didn't Know What the F--- He Was Doing

By Zamboni

We are posting twice in a row because — as cats concerned with Canadian conundrums — we are in Full Scandal Mode.

Maxime Bernier — the Quebec political hack whom Tory Prime Minister Stephen Harper put in the all-important role of Minister of Foreign Affairs — has resigned because he left classified, NATO-related documents at an ex-girlfriend's apartment in Montreal. Oh, and should we mention that the girlfriend has previous connections to organized crime, courtesy of the Hell's Angels? (We won't even get into why it took Minister Bernier five weeks to remember that he'd misplaced that all-important, national-security-related file. Or why his loving, security-cleared, Bush-meeting girlfriend discussed with her lawyer what she should do with the file before she returned it to her beloved.)

Mind you, all this only came to light because the said ex-girlfriend, Julie Couillard, gave an in-depth interview to Canadian T.V. It wasn't revealed because Monsieur Bernier came clean on his own.

And mind you, this resignation only comes after a breathtaking series of what the media are politely describing as "gaffes" — Bernier not knowing the name of the president of Haiti (never mind that the current Governor General is of Haitian descent), Bernier embarrassing Afghan president Hamad Karzai by calling for a provincial governor's resignation, et cetera. et cetera.

But hold onto your hats. This resignation comes amidst Madame Couillard's claims that her bedroom — heck, her very bed — has been bugged. The buggers are not yet identified.

We cats are kind of the suspicious sort. We wonder if the Harper government — having placed a political goofball in a highly sensitive job (gee, how Rovian of them) — actually had second thoughts about their pretty boy and decided to bug his girlfriend's bed to get the goods on him.

We're also wondering if Stephane Dion and the Liberals are, right this very moment, dusting off their election plans. We think they might want to, because we don't believe for a minute that this story is over. In fact, we're thinking that it's only just begun.

We PURR in the direction of Julie Couillard, whose sense of injustice at the hands of her incompetent Tory boyfriend is obviously as massive as her — well, her measurements. (Check out the photo of her at Bernier's swearing in in August 2007 if you don't believe us.)

And we GROWL at Stephen Harper and his Bush clones, for politicizing his State Department as perniciously as Bush/Cheney/Rove/Gonzales politicized the U.S. Justice Department. You all are disgusting, and you deserve to be arrested for crimes against humanity.