If The Founding Fathers Were Alive Today, They'd Be Spinning In Their Graves

By Miss Kubelik

We cats understand that when you've got a government that's founded on great principles like ours is, it gives us multiple opportunities to fall short. That's just reality. But there are times when it seems to be falling so far short that it's depressing. One of the main reasons for that sub-par performance is, unfortunately, enshrined in the Bill of Rights.

Which brings us to today. The President of the United stood in the Rose Garden this morning and talked somberly about a 17-year-old boy who — but for an armed-to-the-teeth lamebrain who violated every tenet of a neighborhood watch program — should be alive and well.

"If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon," the President said, thus distinguishing himself from all 42 of his Oval Office predecessors more definitively than he ever has before.

Meanwhile, people are debating whether George Zimmerman is white, Hispanic, or whatever — as if that matters. The point is not Zimmerman's race or ethnicity, but the race of his victim. And the fact that toting a gun made Trayvon Martin much easier for Zimmerman to kill. (Sure, guns don't kill people. But if you don't own them, carry them, or use them, they really won't kill people.)

So, shaking our furry little heads at all that, we scrolled through other headlines of the day — only to find Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum, firing at a Louisiana shooting-range target and being urged by a spectator to "pretend it's Obama."

America, can we lose this behavior, like, right now?

Can we stop our hatred of young black men in hoodies and the President who happens to look like them? And most of all, can we all just agree to get rid of the goddamn guns?

No? We cats thought so. And that makes us HISS.