Pity Party

By Baxter

First of all, before we cats get into today's post, we just want to say, happy Breitbart anniversary. (Okay, we know that was really mean of us. But since Andrew Breitbart was one of the cruelest people who ever lived, we feel justified.)

Meanwhile, on to the news of the day!

No, we're not going to discuss the sequester. The President gave a wonderful press conference on it today, and we couldn't possibly improve on it — except that of course he meant "Vulcan mind meld," not "Jedi." (On the other hand, maybe he felt he had to purposely appeal to both the "Star Trek" and "Star Wars" camps.)

Instead, we cats are going to focus on something gossipy. Specifically, the weird-sad interview that Willard Mitt Romney and his entitled wife Ann gave to the always-embarrassing Chris Wallace over at FOX "News."

It seems that Willard is A-okay with having lost the 2012 election, but Ann is still struggling with it.

Are we cats surprised? No way. Of course Ann feels the pain more than Willard does. Willard never really wanted to be President. It was just an item to check off on his Bain to-do list, something to prove to his late father, something to do because of noblesse oblige. If he had really wanted the Presidency, perhaps Willard would have found a way to average more than one campaign event a day for two years. Maybe he would have done a campaign event on Labor Day. But, no.

Ann, on the other hand, did want it. She wanted America to worship her the same way it worshiped Nancy and Barbara and Laura. She wanted the country to point to her sons as examples of what good American sons should be. As a non-Mormon whose family was not welcome at her own wedding, Ann needed to be validated. So while Willard has shrugged and moved on to the next thing on his do list, Ann is in full anger-management mode. Oh, well!

(If there's one thing you can say about Jeb!, at least his customs-criminal wife hasn't been sitting around for the last 20 years planning her First Ladyship. We think.)

(IMAGE: Crazy man. He may be dead, but unfortunately his malevolent spirit lives on — in the House Republican caucus.)