Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Mega-Jerk

By Zamboni

Did you know that creepy Joel Osteen and his wife are worth more than $55 million? We cats are having a hard time wrapping our heads around that figure. After all, one of Jesus's most compelling commandments was "Give everything you have to the poor, and follow me." Seems that creepy Joel and his wife kinda forgot the first part of that.

And now creepy Joel Osteen has been shamed into opening his huge, HUGE megachurch (it's called "mega" for a reason) to Harvey refugees.

It wasn't until social media erupted about Osteen's closed doors and the media spotlight shone harshly that the "church" — the former (read: spacious) home of the Houston Rockets — stocked supplies of air mattresses, cots, diapers and more, and grudgingly admitted Texans fleeing from the storm. Of course, that was after their story changed several times: They tried to say it wasn't safe, or that the city hadn't asked them to pitch in, or — oh, God, who knows what else? Everything they said was flailing and lame.

We cats don't pretend to be experts on the New Testament, or even particularly observant. (After all, we don't need to be. We're gods ourselves, aren't we?) But this much we know: True Christians would not even hesitate to help. Their reactions would be instantaneous, unthinking — like first responders. And if Jesus were around, he'd be working right alongside them.

So, screw Joel Osteen. He is a charlatan, a grifter and a fraud. And we know where he's going after he dies. We cats HISS.

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