Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Cootchy Speaks... About Someone Else's Governor

By Baxter

We cats are so excited! The feds have finally indicted Virginia's former Republican Governor, "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, and his squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous cheerleader wife, Maureen. Fourteen counts of greed, duplicity, mendacity and wealth-envy. Hooray!

Yes, we had to wait longer than we thought, but it was worth it. The 43-page document from the grand jury makes for some amazing (if smarmy) reading. If we cats took showers, we'd grab another one — but we'll have to be satisfied with some extra grooming instead.

There are so many interesting nuggets to discuss that we're afraid it's going to take way more than one post. For example, it's now obvious why Maureen wore a cheap bedspread to Transvaginal Bob's inaugural gala. (Although she was begging for a New York shopping spree, Jonnie Williams didn't give her one until after they were in office.) We also loved all the selling and buying of Jonnie Williams stock, timed so that investigators would be thrown off the scent. (They weren't.)

But today, we are most fascinated by the fact that McDonnell's would-be successor, Ken "Fetuses Deserve New York Shopping Sprees, Too" Cuccinelli chose today of all days to speak out about that other former GOP "golden boy," Chris Christie. The Cootch says Christie should step down as head of the Republican Governors Association.

We were wondering when a member of the GOP would be brave enough to say this. Haley Barbour? Rancid Pieface? Ed Gillespie? Nope. Guess you have to be a washed-up politician to stand up to Chris Christie. (Unless you're Dawn Zimmer, the "lady mayor" of Hoboken.)

You know, there are very few things we agree with Cootchy on, but he is completely right about the Republicans' alleged 2016 "savior." What a contrast to the weenies who run his party, and to the cable news celebrities who are going easy on Christie because he's a "friend." Meanwhile, we'd be interested what Cootch, as a Jonnie Williams gift recipient himself, has to say about Transvaginal Bob's and Maureen's legal fix. We know it's not karma, but it's a supremely gratifying case of just deserts.

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