Thursday, June 30, 2022

A New Age Of Jackson (With A Better Jackson)

By Baxter

Tomorrow is Canada Day, the front bookend of the long July 4 weekend. And with the recent revelations about Indigenous children dying in residential schools, Canadians are trying to decide if their national day should be for celebrating, or reflecting.

Result: It's about 50-50 between "We should both celebrate and reflect" and "Just break out the beer already, eh?"

The poll was interesting — because after the brutal Supreme Court decisions that Americans were just subjected to, we cats are not in the mood for a party on Monday. We're frankly surprised that the newly minted Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson still wanted her job. (But we're glad she did.)

So yeah, things are pretty dark right now, but dammit, we're Americans! Let's pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and focus on something cheerful — like the noose that's tightening around Benedict Donald's, shall we say, clavicle?

Trump World clearly believes that Cassidy Hutchinson's testimony to the January 6 Committee was damaging. Because, wow — did they go after her. We're not sure they've rushed to trash any of the previous witnesses, but then, those were almost all men.

The box-wine-drinkers on Fox "News" started a relentless campaign to demote Hutchinson to a coffee girl, and Tony Ornato, a Trumpster to the nth degree, thought that denying her testimony in a flustered aside to the press would carry equal weight to Hutichinson's testimony under oath. (Sadly, some so-called journalists failed to see the distinction.) Others tried to make the ketchup on the wall and Trump's tiny hands attempting to grab the steering wheel the main stories.

They're not. The main takeaways are:

  • Trump knew the crowd was armed, and he still wanted them to march to the Capitol.
  • Trump wanted to go to the Capitol, too, whether he grabbed the steering wheel or not.
  • Trump didn't care if the Vice President or members of Congress were killed. 
  • Members of the Cabinet considered invoking the 25th Amendment, but they decided to just resign instead.
  • Mark "Scrolling the Phone" Meadows is worthless and uncaring — a completely frozen, stupid and useless person, both in a crisis and, actually, all the time.

Oh, and the closed-caption software that translated "Pat Cippolone" as "Patsy Baloney" is our new favorite person of the year. And yes, we know it's not a person. We cats PURR.

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