Don't Miss Our Next Exciting Episode: "Surprise Witness"

By Miss Kubelik

Can you define "unprecedented"? The January 6 Committee has suddenly scheduled a pop hearing for tomorrow at 1 PM, citing "recently obtained evidence" as the reason. "Witness testimony" is also expected. 

This is a big deal. Congress is in recess, and staffs are scattered. And a lot of the Washington media are already in Fourth-of-July-skeleton-crew mode — so whether they're in BC, Nantucket or The Hamptons, they'll have to come rushing back. We bet they're furious.

Knowing all this, though, means that the Committee must be getting ready to deliver something big. They wouldn't risk incurring everyone's wrath otherwise.

We cats have a few ideas on what the topic is, and who will be making a surprise appearance. Our theories:

It's Pat Cippolone. Since Liz Cheney just called him out publicly.

A member of Congress is stepping forward. Mo Brooks has apparently already taken himself out of the running, so if it's a member, it has to be someone who either isn't running again or who was already defeated (Madison Cawthorn comes to mind).

It's something related to national security. That would justify an urgently scheduled hearing. And Congresswoman Abby Finkenauer, who has natsec credentials, has been announced as one of the questioners. Was Benedict Donald caught on the phone by the British filmmaker Alex Holder, ordering the military to seize voting machines? Is it about the Secret Service?

It's something they found on John Eastman's phone or in one of Jeffrey "Pajama Man" Clark's devices when they raided them. We already know that neither of these gentleman was shy about spelling their treason out in emails and texts. What else lurks there?

It has something to do with Clarence and Ginni Thomas. In light of the Supreme Court's tossing of Roe, this would be both maddening and supremely satisfying.

It's Mark Meadows. Nah.

It's a member of the Trump family, coming clean. Maybe Ivanka? That's a long shot, but we'll mention it anyway. We cats PURR.

UPDATE: The surprise witness will be Cassidy Hutchinson, former aide to Mark Meadows.