Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Von Nukem Nukes Himself

By Miss Kubelik

Fred Guttenberg didn't have a very good day today. Neither did any of the other Parkland parents who lost kids at Marjory Stoneman High School five years ago. But as one of the most activist survivors of an American mass shooting, Fred is a familiar face and voice on cable TV and social media, and he was absolutely furious about last night's incident at Michigan State University.

Yes, America's gun problem is beyond depressing. And so is a lot of the other news on our screens tonight — the train derailment in Ohio, the earthquake in Turkey and Syria, and everything Rhonda Santis is doing to the state of Florida. But here's a glimmer of light we can all celebrate.

Joseph Von Nukem has committed suicide.

You're probably asking, "Who?" So check out this picture of the 2017 Charlottesville, Virginia, Tiki torchers: He's the dude in the black shirt in the middle, and by the looks of it, he and the others are chanting, "Jews will not replace us." Well, he doesn't need to worry about being "replaced" any more, because, facing trial for trying to smuggle fetanyl from Mexico, he shot himself a couple of weeks ago. (Yep, fetanyl. And yep, Biden's border patrol caught him. The irony!)

So we'll take this for the good news it is. As Charlottesville journalist Molly Conger tweeted, "You probably remember this photograph...the man in the center was elated to see himself on the cover of papers across the country. Today, I can tell you he is dead." We cats PURR.

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