Goodness gracious, the holidays are practically upon us. Which means that the first official contest of the 2012 Republican clown college is only a month away! We cats have given some thought to how, assuming that "Herb" Cain will be sidelined to the marital penalty box, we'd prefer to see the madcap antics unfold. (To Democrats' advantage, of course.)
So hang onto your hats, because here's our best-case scenario leading into Super Tuesday. (We'll keep a running tally of how closely our wish list hews to reality — if, indeed, there's any relation between Republicans and reality this year.)
IOWA — Gingrich wins, with Ron Paul a strong second, and Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum a modest but respectable third. Romney, Perry and Bachmann split fourth, fifth and sixth.
NEW HAMPSHIRE — Romney wins but can't crack 40 percent. Gingrich does very well; Jon Huntsman does surprisingly well.
SOUTH CAROLINA — Whoever wins, Romney, Gingrich, Perry and Bachmann all come within one to three points of one another.
NEVADA — Romney wins it again, but Paul and Perry take a big chunk out of his 2008 numbers.
FLORIDA — Gingrich wins.
MICHIGAN — Romney wins, but not as overwhelmingly as he needs to.
ARIZONA — Romney wins, but Perry is surprisingly strong.
All righty, then: That leaves us five weeks to Super Tuesday, with nobody knowing anything, the race stretching out interminably, and the clowns attacking each other into infinity with water balloons and seltzer spray. Please, Santa, please? We cats have been very good this year!
(IMAGE: www.bandofcats.com)
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