Saturday, December 24, 2016

"I Must Plead A Subsequent Engagement"

By Zamboni

We cats were undecided on the whole should-we-attend-the-inaugural thing. On the one hand, there is a solid tradition of former Presidents and other similarly celestially placed VIPs showing up — and we are keenly aware of the niceties of solid traditions. On the other hand, what else is the Drumpf extravaganza going to be but vulgar and depressing? If you're Bill Clinton or Hillary Clinton, or even George W. Bush, why endorse such a hideous production with your presence? (Bush Sr., we understand, has already pleaded advanced age. Not so Jimmy Carter, who so far is the sole former Commander-in-Chief to RSVP yes.)

Then we heard that Vladimir Putin had scolded the Democrats, and that Drumpf had piled on. And that, as they say, was that.

In short, it's the Clintons' out. Before, we would have said: Oh, gosh, kids, suck it up — you would have expected the same of Drumpf had James Comey and the Electoral College not interfered. But now that Drumpf has sided with a murderous dictator against a major American political party's nominee and the 66 million US citizens who voted for her, we say, screw it. Come January 20, you both now have official permission to be very busy washing your hair.

And by the way, if Jimmy Carter wants to cancel at the last minute? We say to him and Rosalynn: Go for it, baby. Even though we suspect you're indestructible, tell the Vulgarian President you have a heavy cold. We cats PURR and HISS at the same time.

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