Not Much Ado About Mitt

By Baxter

Now it is time for us cats to visit a subject that sends shudders down most Republicans' spines: Mitt Romney.

Never have we seen so little enthusiasm in the Grand Old Party for its purported front-runner. (Well, at least not since 2008.) We know from our fun forays into the madness that is Free Republic that the teabaggers and their ilk despise him. And to tell the truth, although the lazy Beltway media have crowned him prom king of the clown college, we're not sure that Republican primary voters much like him, either.

For example, take the recent Gallup Poll of Republicans that showed Romney at 17 percent. The famous quitter from Alaska was right behind him with 15 percent, but that's not why we cats are unimpressed. Everybody missed the real story of the poll, which was that "None/No Opinion" led with 22 percent. In short, Romney and Palin both trail "nobody" by five points or more. That's the headline.

Then there's Chris Silly-izza's recent blog post about all the "hard work" Romney has done in New Hampshire and how it's "paying off." He's polling at all of 32 percent there. Hm. Mitt has been working The Granite State for four-plus years, spent a ton of money and pandered his little Brooks Brothers bottom off— and he doesn't quite crack a third of the primary vote? And why wouldn't that number go down once some non-carnival-barkers finally declare and the race heats up?

But most of all, we cats are utterly bored with the breathless reporting of the Romney phone-a-thon that raised $10 million in a day. The fact that anyone in the media is impressed with this is proof that most political reporters have no idea how campaigns are run and financed. The Romney folks were planning this gig for a long time. They told people not to make contributions in the first quarter so they could show a huge haul in the second. Then, they got 800 Romney pals to agree to be callers, not a difficult feat in the nationwide Mormon network. With that many callers participating, each one had to raise approximately $12,500 to hit $10 million. So if each Romney caller himself gave the max, plus got his spouse and, say, two adult children to do the same, he only had to get one other person that day to write a check.

See how it works? It was a bogus, phony, and — excuse the expression — trumped-up media event. And everyone, of course, fell for it. (When you think about it, it's a good example of Sarah Palin's "lamestream media" accusation, isn't it?)

Yep, we cats suspect that the Freepers are right — the Mittster is an empty, empty suit. There's nothing underneath but those magic Mormon underpants he wears.