Emergency, Emergency!

By Sniffles

Oh, no! We're in a national emergency! Quick, here are all the things we have to do:

• Ration gas (you all know what an "A" card is, right?)
• Ration tires — gotta save that rubber for our valiant folks in ICE
• Ration meat, bacon, butter, sugar, eggs and coffee (ooh, that last one hurts)
• Start scrap drives — the Boy and Girl Scouts would be good at that, especially since Girl Scout cookies will have to go on hiatus (no sugar)
• Save your cooking grease
• Give up nylon stockings (whoops, never mind — a lot of women already have)
• Make those 2019 clothes last another year or two
• Plant a "Victory at the Border" garden
• Buy "National Emergency Bonds"

Wait, what? We don't have to scrimp and save and pinch and buy? The emergency's not real?

Of course it isn't. After declaring it, Benedict Donald flew down to Palm Beach for the long weekend. Here he is at his golf club's omelet bar this morning. To be fair, he does look a little worried — that the chef won't cook his omelet right, that is. We cats HISS.