Sheldon Kicks Dirt On The "Ump"

By Zamboni

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) isn't known as a firebrand. He looks like the nice dad in a sweater vest who opens the door on a nervous sixteen-year-old's first date. But he's come out guns blazing at John Roberts for his disingenuous pearl clutching over Senator Chuck Schumer's so-called SCOTUS "threat."

"As the architect of an 80-case barrage of partisan, 5-4 decisions for big Republican donor interests, Chief Justice Roberts has zero credibility playing umpire in any political squabble," Whitehouse tweeted. "Mitch McConnell’s effort to pack the Court is echoed by his effort to reassure the Republican justices of continued Republican political support."

Sheldon Whitehouse, Rhode Island is famous for you.

And yeah — we knew what Schumer meant, even if Roberts pretended he didn't. It was about the Court's GOP Senate enablers, who look like they may be out the door come November.

Addressing Justices Neil "Not Merrick" Gorsuch and Brett "Biff" Kavanaugh in particular, Schumer said, "You have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price. You won’t know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions." Allow us to translate Schumer by citing just one example — abortion rights.

This summer, when Biff and Not Merrick join the rest of the right wingers on the Court and gut Roe v. Wade, Republican Senator Susan Collins (who is already underwater) will see her numbers in Maine drop another 10 percent. Democrat Sara Gideon will rake in $10 million. And what will happen in Arizona? Mark Kelly is already beating Martha "I Call Reporters Liberal Hacks" McSally in the polls. We can't imagine that the women of the Grand Canyon State will be stampeding to reverse that after Roe goes down the tubes. And look! North Carolina is already officially a toss-up! In short, chances are good that the Democratic Senate map expands as a result.

That's the whirlwind Schumer was talking about. He should know — he could be Senate Majority Leader by this time next year. We cats PURR.