Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Checking The Box(es)

By Sniffles

We cats are seeing no good VP choices for Donald Drumpf if he's seeking to dig himself out of the electoral hole he's in.

The dilemma facing Drumpf — and one which we're sure his "veep searcher," the idiot known as Ben Carson, has absolutely no idea how to solve — is this: How does he flip 80 or so electoral votes in his direction, without losing any at the same time?

Does he go for geography? For example, do John Kasich or Rob Portman deliver Ohio? Can Rick "First Martian Governor" Scott or Baby Marco Rubio give him Florida? Can Joni Ernst guarantee Iowa, or Scott Walker Wisconsin? What about Susana Martinez in New Mexico?

The problem with this approach is that most of the likely names have already spewed harsh criticism of the GOP's presumptive nominee. And it's hard to see how a geographic selection can flip more than one or two states. So Drumpf is still in a hole.

The next logical place to go: Voter blocs he's going to need. So if he wanted to appeal to women, he could choose Ernst, Nikki Haley, Kelly Ayotte, Martinez, the famous quitter from Alaska or Marsha Blackburn. Or Tim Scott, to appeal to "the blacks." Or Martinez, Rubio or Brian Sandoval for Hispanics. Et cetera.

But what about trying to find someone with military or foreign policy gravitas? Jeff Sessions? A general? Military veteran Ernst? Foreign policy committee member Ayotte?

Finally, you need to add the fact that you don't want to lose a seat in an already imperiled Republican Senate. So you see how complex this puzzle can get.

So, while we cats are pulling for Newt Gingrich — not just because he's repulsively campaigning for it, but because we're dying for someone to ask him about the price of gas — we're wondering if Drumpf is going to choose Ernst. She checks the female, flippable-state, Senate-seat-not-up-this-year and military boxes. And she would help with the hard-core anti-choicers, too.

But will a veep hunt headed by Clueless Carson make a methodical pick? Not. Ben Carson may be a pediatric neurosurgeon, but he's also a fool. Which makes us PURR.

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