Cold As A Falling Caucus Vote in January

By Miss Kubelik

So now it's time for us cats to weigh in on the big Republican mess in Iowa. It appears that our pick for the winner of the January 3rd caucuses, Mr. "Don't Google His Name" Sweater Vest, actually did win! We are so proud.

Of course, we also have to note that votes from eight Iowa precincts have somehow gone missing. Ya know, the Iowa GOP should have enlisted help from those overachieving recall-Walker folks in Wisconsin, who have a far greater respect for the democratic process. The missing votes never would have vanished in the first place.

We can make a lot of jokes about this — except for the fact that, you know, it isn't funny. The Republican Party's contempt for democracy — whether it's a snafu like Iowa, a relentless national campaign to disenfranchise the poor, the young, and minorities, or a refusal to allow a recount more than 10 years ago in Florida — well, it's just wildly depressing. This is not what the Founders had in mind for America.

As just the latest example, here is our nomination for the most amazing statement ever given by a Republican Party official in American history:

“It’s done. We never got [the missing Iowa votes]. We tried to track ‘em down, and for whatever reason, we don’t have them.” (The only thing this jerk forgot to add: "Oh, well!")

The horror. We cats are dating ourselves, but this cavalier attitude reminds us of the Republican convention in 1972. Moderate Congressman Paul McCloskey had won a legitimately elected delegate. But the Nixon people wouldn't seat the delegate, and forced one of the Nixon delegates to cast a vote for McCloskey instead. In short, Republicans pooh-poohing the democratic process is not a recent thing.

What other conclusion can we come to? The Grand Old Party is a bunch of frauds and cheats who have no respect for the votes of taxpayers and other citizens who happen not to look like them. They pay a ton of lip service to loving America, but in reality, they hijacked the American way a long time ago.

And we cats had to say this, because Mr. Sweater Vest never will.