Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Woe Is Willard

By Zamboni

Wow, we cats would have posted on Iowa earlier today, but we were too busy looking up synonyms for the word "robotic." (We suppose the folks at Disney World are telling each other, "Well, if Romney gets to the White House, at least we won't have to build a new audioanimatron for the Hall of Presidents.")

Why? Because we've seen Willard Mitt Romney's cringe-inducing attempt to claim his eight-vote landslide as "a great victory." His aides tried to spin their candidate's late-night speech as ditching the teleprompters and "speaking from the heart," but we note with glee that Romney actually ended up giving "a rushed version of his stump speech that lacked the feel of a victory address." That's our boy!

Yep, the Romney campaign is smiling through some very clenched teeth today. He not only has Mr. UnGoogleable and the crazy Libertarian-who-still-thinks-the-government-should-tell-women-when-they-can-and-cannot-have-babies breathing down his neck, he got six fewer votes — 30,015 — last night than he did in the same caucuses in 2008.

This is pathetic. Given all the money, time and resources that Romney's invested in Iowa for six years — given the sorry state of his poorly funded, poorly staffed Republican opposition — given his allegedly heavy-hitting endorsements, and the fact that this past weekend he predicted out-and-out victory — well, throw all that together and you know that merely treading water on his 2008 support was a Meg Whitmanesque defeat of monstrous proportions.

No wonder the poor little Romneybots were caught by surprise last night. Take it from us — they'd prepared a speech for a comfortable win over Ron Paul, with Santorum in third.

Time to start the 2016 countdown clock on Rand Paul's next trip to Iowa. We cats PURR.

P.S. Does an eight-vote landslide mean that Chris Christie won't return to Iowa to lay on a New Jersey whuppin'? And will anyone in the press follow up on that rude and offensive threat?

P.P.S. Gee, eight votes. What do you think would have happened if that weenie Iowa Congressman Steve King had grown a pair and endorsed Mr. UnGoogleable after they went pheasant hunting together? The Santorum campaign must be in a tizzy over that one!

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